Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Holmgren to Start Frye in Cleveland

In an effort to jump start his sluggish offense, and send a message to both his recently inconsistent multi-million dollar signal caller, and the opposing sideline, Mike Holmgren is due to announce a new starting QB in this Sunday's contest against the Browns.

Charlie Frye is due to get the start in stadium where he was the opening day starter for Cleveland before being unceremoniously dumped after a pitiful loss to the visiting Steelers. Shortly thereafter, he was picked up by the Seahawks, who were looking for a viable 3rd string quarterback that would allow the multi-talented Seneca Wallace to get more involved in the offensive gameplan.

Now that plan has come full circle.

"Matt's a little dinged up, and frankly, can use a game to sit and watch and hopefully get his timing and rhythm back" said Holmgren after the second day of practice in which the perennial starter Hasselbeck didn't take a single snap. "We know Charlie can play. They know Charlie can play. We want to show them just how big a mistake they made in releasing him."

Wallace will be listed as the backup quarterback, allowing him to see time on the field at various positions, meaning Hasselbeck will be listed as inactive for the first time since coming to Seattle. "Sure it hurts" said the consummate professional, "but while all the fans have been booing Shaun, I know that my miscues and overthrows have derailed this team as much as our ineffective running game, so it is what it is." Besides, anyone who follows football knew that my days as a starter were numbered the day they signed Frye.

Reminded that the Browns and the Seahawks share similar 4-3 records, and the importance of this game to starting the stretch run to the play-offs, Holmgren was grilled by the local Seattle media about making such a risky change at a high profile position at this point in the season. "You should have known things were different when I started calling flea-flickers and WR option passes", explained the suddenly unpredictable coach, "That's just how I roll!"

So while the Seattle faithful will be holding their collective breath on Sunday, it remains to be seen whether it will be Browns fans or Seahawks fans who will exclaim "Thank God It's Frye-day" at the end of the game.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Smokin' Butts

(SeahawkBlue + Camera - Wife) * Beer = These Pictures!

For some reason, I thought it would be fun to take pictures of everyone's asses during the Seahawk Blue Motherland II Get Together last weekend. Now that I'm sober, and have finished explaining ALL the pictures to my wife, I thought I should do something with them.

So, much like those Highlight magazines in the pediatrician's office, I give you the Match The Butts with the Screen Name contest!

The dierriers pictured below belong to: Kenber, HawkHeart, AZCHawk, Mrs. Winnie, OCLadyHawk, TC, ADP, Frank and OC's friend Susan. Use the comments section to match the photo to the screen name, and let's see who can get the most correct.

Even those who couldn't make the trip to Seattle for the Rams game can play, by consulting the Motherland Photo thread for hints!











For bonus points, and without any hints, can you name the owners of these lovely racks??!!





Don't forget - leave your best guesses in the comment section!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Where we stand: Offense

Mike Holmgren watches drills during the bye week.

Thanks to last Sunday's 33-6 grass stain inducing beatdown of the Rams, I did not do make bourbon and Bayers. So, hats off to the Seahawks. Its the bye week, so I figured I'd be serious for a moment and discuss where the team stands. I was going to write this as a team, but we'll take it by unit instead.

Out of sixteen teams in the NFC, the Seahawks rank seventh both in total offense and defense. That suggests a middle of the road kind of team. Considering the NFC is improved this season, thats not a bad thing. Dallas and New York seem to be fairly legit contenders in the conference. Green Bay has had a nice season so far, I think in general the conference is much improved from a year ago.

That said, here's what alarms me. Arizona is ranked higher in both total offense (5 to 7) and defense (4 to 7). Seahawk fans take a dismissive view towards Arizona, and many wrote the week 2 loss off as an anomaly. It was a lack of communication, something that won't happen again.

However, as the weeks have gone by, it is evident that Seattle is not the elite team it used to be. The team has been inconsistent from week to week. I think this can be best evidenced by Matt Hasselbeck. Hass is fifth in the league in passing yards with 1,705. Thats more then Peyton Manning (granted, the Colts have had their bye week but Matt is comparable to Brett Favre and Carson Palmer who are considered to be having good years) yet, due in part to 61% completion rate (24th in the league) and an 88.7 qb rating (14th), Hasselbeck is still finding his stride this year.

Compare those numbers to 2005, where he completed 65% of his passes, and put up a rating of 98.2. The talk going into this season was that with the drop plagued Derrel Jackson gone and a season under his belt with Deion Branch and Nate Burleson that the offense would be back in high gear. Instead, its tied with the (brace yourselves) Chicago Bears in touchdowns scored.

A lot of that would have to do with the running game that has not been able to find a groove through seven games. Shaun Alexander averages 65.7 yards per game, not near where the team needs or wants him to be. As a whole, Seattle ranks 22nd in rushing offense, averaging 92 yards per contest.

The offensive line has seemed to have some trouble run blocking this year, and o line development needs to be stressed in this bye week. It all starts up front, to use the tired football cliche, and right now its not happening for Seattle. Twice against Saint Louis, the Seahawks settled for field goals on drives that began in enemy territory. Don't let the lopsided scoreline fool you, there is much work to be done with this offense.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

We now have two solutions....

We've played two straight weeks of absolutely terrible football. Once again, on this site, I am considering a campaign to name Ryan Plackemeier aka "Gus the Mule" team MVP.

He's the goddamn punter.

So, here we go. There are only two solutions for the season at this point.

Option 1:

Play the Rams. The Seahawks are actually going to do this. And I'm somewhat excited. St. Louis is 0-7 and are losing more people to injuries then the Taliban most teams do...

However, I'm also somewhat terrified because...well, I'm a Seahawks fan. Its my job to be terrified of completely winnable games.

So, should Seattle lose on Sunday that will leave us with one option.

Option 2:


Dear Seahawks,

For my personal safety...the two items listed above this note are in my apartment. Please don't tempt me on Sunday...I'd like to remember stuff. Like, living.

Beat the Rams...please, just beat the Rams.



Sunday, October 07, 2007

A rant, if I may

I'm not going to lie, I was more excited for this Sunday's game then I have been for most regular season games for a few seasons. Sure, I look forward to divisional games and yes the Bears game last year had a lot of build up.

But, the rematch of Super Bowl XL, the first big test of the season, a chance for Seattle to prove themselves.

Someone forgot to tell the boys though.

Take your pick as to why the Seahawks lost in the fashion they did. Matt Hasselbeck seemed to be pressing and was off all afternoon. The offensive line did a brilliant job of pass protection, but could not run block to save their lives. There was the defense who played admirably, but could not get off the field on third downs, and decided to not tackle at key points in the game.

What it boils down to though is that once again in a big game, the Seahawks wilted. it seems to happen year after year. Each season, a statement game pops up on the schedule, and with rare exception the Seattle tradition is to lose in spectacular fashion.

There was the 17-point 4th quarter meltdown against the Rams three seasons ago. There was was the Chicago game last year. Now, its the rematch that never was.

I have yet to check out SeahawkBlue today, but I can imagine some are suggesting that if this game was played in Seattle or if Matt had completed some key passes it would have turned out different. The time for excuses has long passed. Seattle needed a big road win today and did everything in within their means to eliminate themselves from the talk of elite teams in the league.

Why doesn't Seattle get talked about on NFL Live or given respect from the national media? Because this happens every season. The Seahawks may very well be one of the best teams in the conference, but unless they prove it against other contenders it isn't going to make a difference. This team is precieved that it can't win the big game because, well, it doesn't win the big game.

As a lifelong fan of the Seahawks, I have never quite gotten used to this, but can almost feel it before it happens. That doesn't make the loss feel less worse by any means, but those of us who followed this club before they moved to Qwest Field...well, didn't Sunday have an eerily similar feel to those early Mike Holmgren days?

We were outclassed by a team that we should be able to go toe to toe with. Call it lack of exectution, call it lack of passion, call it whatever you will. It all adds up to coming up empty in a statement game.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Five Obvious Examples of Steeler Fans and How They Suck

Here are several examples. Every one of them either infinitely retarded or completely basted in opprobrium.

1. Just what are you doing to the doll, and why are you filming it?

2. You really know how to party? No, you don't.

3. Why are you air fucking?

4. I can't imagine what makes a person do this. Nor do I want to.

5. What happens when you get 20 inbred fucktards in a room and hand them musical intsruments? Something like this.

Actually, it was sort of charming for a moment, in a white-trash Lawrence Welk sort of way. But then they sang something about the Seahawks and began speaking in tongues.

Is Pittsburgh actually part of America?

Monday, October 01, 2007

Mike Nolan: I look good

Man, I am feeling good today. I got my suit on, and all good things come in suits. Winning poker hands, penguins, and me.

I am the tits.

We're totally going to take that field and were going to do things in a classy way. We're going to look good, and look good while looking good. I probably just blew some Berkly fuckers mind. Yeah, the revolution will be televised. On FOX. With Tony Saragusa providing his own off-brand stlye of commentary.

Oh shit. Rocky Benard just landed on Alex Smith. Not cool, bro. Not cool. He's coached by a guy that is just wearing a polo! Where's the class in that! Maybe if I rub my tie on his shoulder it'll get better. In the mean time, its time for Trent Dilfer. The Browns didn't want him, this should go over well.

Oh, that's right. I gave Frank those silk gloves. Such a great accessory. I didn't even think about how that might affect his grip on the football. At least he looks good. Alex on the other hand, that ice pack is just tacky.

What the fuck. Matt Hasselbeck just went deep on us for a big play. He's BALD. When he does TV interviews, you can see the shine! Doesn't he know that there are creams for that! I cannot believe we are losing to such slobs. And, I'm sorry Mr. Branch, neon green is not in this year. Those gloves are awful.

No, no, no, no, no...Trufant! First he cuts his hair, now he's picking off passes. He looked pretty cool with what he had before. But now that short hair and Trent Dilfer pass combo just doesn't look right.

My god...we lost to these slobs? I can't wait till we play Arizona. That Matt Lienhart does the dreamiest things with his hair. Now, its time to go shake Tubby mcUntucked Polo's hand.

But at least I'll look good doing it.

(Hats off to loljocks.blogspot.com for the pic!)

Captain Caveman and Eli Manning, Like, 'Do It' and Stuff

Dear lord.

Dear former 12 Seahawks Street Contributor known as Captain Caveman,

You're such a slut. A cheap slut. When God invented sluts, he thought, "hey, just for the hell of it, let's make one out of green suede and dingle balls," and it was you.


What I Learned From... Tightening the Noose on the NFC West

Ignore all the "beat themselves" crap coming out of the niner camp and the national media. The Seahawks' defense destroyed the 49ers, and kept them confused, jumpy, panicked and befuddled the entire game. That's what happens when an offensive line is overmatched-- they hold, they jump the count, they overplay and miss their assignment.

It's like playing chess with an eight year-old: You take out some important pieces from him, then all of a sudden he's taking desperate, thoughtless chances, and pretty soon playing the old, "oops, I sneezed with my arm flailing and took out the whole damn board" trick.

So the game is over with. The Seahawks take the lead in the division. Frank Gore is a moron for giving the Seahawks bulletin board material. Justin Smiley is now Mr. Yuk. Larry Allen is a overfilled waterbed with cleats. Trent Dilfer is a gentleman and a traitor. And Darrell Jackson is a lazy fuckin' hippie.

Speaking of hippies, they're stupid, too. Watch, listen as Penn & Teller make complete asses out of these embicilic fuckheads.

Bring on the Steelers. Now. Please.