ESPN Hates San Francisco @ Seattle

Part of my morning ritual these days, aside from checking my RSS feeds and taking a glorious dump, involves watching Mike and Mike in the Morning via PVR from ESPN2 HD -- At least the first hour, anyway, because that's where all the good stuff is, and then I head to work.

Part of the usual programming on Mondays is a shameless, elongated pimping of their MNF matchup, complete with the team's helmets in the desk, dominating the army of bobbleheads scattered in meaningless formation.

But GET THIS -- No helmets today. Not only that, but nary a mention of this week's prime time game. It's as if this game is so abysmal, so bothersome, that ESPN has refused to invest any resources beyond what is contractually obligated.

There was one mention, however -- muttered in a speedy undertone, Mike Greenberg read from an 8.5" x 11" sheet the time and place of tonights game, and then commented on the passing of Mike Nolan's father. So, I guess, in their defense, you can say they talked about tonight's MNF coverage for 30 seconds.

After all, don't we know, tonights's play-by-play will be centered around the passing of Dick Nolan? Every other sentence, as if there were no football game taking place.

Which leads me to another facet of this rant-- Who in the hell are they going to bring in for their "celebrity distraction" interview? No way in hell is anyone famous and worth a stool sample going to step in for a moment in the spotlight, because there is none. The ratings will be in the toilet. Who will want to fly all the way up to Alaska for a five minute fellation? Gary Coleman? Dick Van Patten? Hillary Clinton?

The truth is, none of them. My best guess, it will be a relative of the recently departed, and MNF will become the Dick Nolan Funeral Hour.

Johnnie Morton, The Unconscious 'Faggot'?

Most people would consider Johnnie James Morton as success story. A 1st round pick in the 1994 NFL Draft, (23rd overall) he played for 12 seasons, four of which he netted over 1000 yards receiving.

But Johnnie will be remembered, not for a prodigious NFL career, but for two humiliating incidents:

• Detroit Lioness' Exec Matt Millen calling Morton a 'faggot'. Yep. A Deeetriot Lion called him that. The indignity! That would be like Hervé Villechaize calling you a 'weird little pervert'. What a low blow.
• Johnnie's MMA debut. He made it 12 years in the NFL, but only 38 seconds in the ring. He had to be carried off in a stretcher.

Sucks for him.

(Thanks to Deuce of Davenport)