What I Learned From: Sitting in warm, dry living room watching the game while Philly fans languish in misery

Last week, I really figured we lose this one. The 10am kickoff, the lousy pass protection the week before, the fact that two blowouts may spell a letdown, not to mention Shaun Alexander bringing his miserable YPC back to the team -- it had my nutsack in a bunch, to say the least.

But what did I learn?

• 1/2 Morris + 1/2 Alexander = One competent running back.


• The opening drive showed some real creativity in an effort to keep Philly off balance. In the red zone, we saw a triple-tight end power formation, but a play-action pass attempt to (gasp) Tom Ashworth. After that, we saw a pass formation, but it was a run to the left by Alexander. Woooo, tricky stuff there, Mike.


• I don't know how much to hate on RG Chris Gray. He gets physically overwhelmed several times per game, and makes me yell at the TV. But then he goes and TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF when fills in perfectly for a nicked C Chris Spencer. I almost wonder if they shouldn't switch positions, since Gray calls the blocking assignments anyway. Which makes me wonder -- Is Spencer retarded? Guards shouldn't need to make those calls.


• 'Pork Chop' Womack filled in well for Walter Jones, and later on, Chris Gray when Spencer went out--and his effectiveness also nearly baffled me. But then I thought about the sloppy conditions, and realized that this was a perfect game for him. Quickness was absolutely not necessary. But if this were played in a dome, this Pork would have been smoked.


• Mo Morris' TD run was cool. Not just for the last juke that sealed the points, but the blocking was great. Big Walt was the anchor, Pollard made a great seal on the end, But Leonard Weaver took a linebacker and a defensive end in one diving assault.


• Should Engram be considered for the Ring of Honor? We already have a lot of candidates on this team -- Hasselbeck, Alexander, Strong, Jones, and if he keeps it up, Tatupu. But what about Bobby? I would hate to see him overlooked. I love that guy. Without him, this season is in the toilet. Without him, a several previous seasons are in the sewer.


• Lofa Tatupu is a freak. You saw the highlight reel. Smartest defensive player I've ever seen. It's uncanny. If we took his brain and heart and planted it in, say, LaVar Arrington's body, offenses as we know it would cease to exist. At least until Roger Goodell made it illegal to be LaVar Tatupu.


• Rocky Bernard is a baller. He just doesn't get enough credit for all the havoc he wreaketh. It was good to see him get a little credit on the goal line stand.


• Speaking of goal line stands-- this defense is damn good at them. They make good reads (thanks again, Lofa) and play it right. I have a feeling this is going to come in handy in five weeks or so.

That's all I got for now. I need to take a shit. Discuss.

Caution... Optimism ahead...

I have a pattern that I follow after a Seahawks loss. For the first day (usually a Monday), I am inconsolable. The sky is falling, the world is ending, and depression just runs rampant. Then, I look for that light of hope. That single ray of optimism that will light my way until the next weeks game. This week, I found… the schedule.

We know that the hawks are not an elite team the way they’re playing right now. We know that unless something kickstarts them, they are most likely looking at a division title, and an early exit from the playoffs. Some people are worried about the team and it’s record being subpar enough to cause a major rule change, eliminating the automatic playoff bid for division winners. After looking at the schedule for the rest of the regular season, this is not a worry I share.

Week 10 San Francisco at Seattle
Week 12 Seattle at Saint Louis
Week 14 Arizona at Seattle

These three games, division games, should be easy wins. The division is down. The teams, especially the teams below the Hawks, are weak. The only game that should cause any concern is the Arizona game, but that will be in the Q, and should feature either an injured Kurt Warner, or the Timmy combination of Rattay and Hasselbeck. I see 3 wins.

Week 16 Baltimore at Seattle

Our sole remaining game against the AFC. Again, at the Q, and if any of you watched MNF last night, we shouldn’t feel bad about losing 21-0 in Pittsburgh, when Baltimore is down 35 – 0 before the end of the first half. I don’t see Baltimore escaping the Emerald city with a win. That team is bad.

Week 11 Chicago at Seattle
Week 17 Seattle at Atlanta

These should be wins as well. Both of these teams have major issues at quarterback, both are very down in their division, both are more than beatable. Neither of these teams should be in any kind of playoff race, both should be jockeying for draft position. The Chicago game is something of a revenge game for the Hawks as a team, and the Atlanta game is something of a revenge game for the DB coach. Unless Seattle is comatose before the games, I see 2 wins here.

Week 13 Seattle at Philadelphia
Week 15 Seattle at Carolina

These are the two games that make me nervous. These teams are most likely both going to be involved in wild card/division title races. They’re both schizophrenic teams that will play very tough one week, and very poorly the next. Seahawk fans have been conditioned to think that teams like these will for some reason play their best against Seattle. The fact that both games are on the east coast doesn’t help much at all. I’m hoping for 1 win out of these 2 games.

Looking at these teams, considering these factors, hoping for the change in offensive philosophy by the Walrus, I don’t see Seattle doing worse than 11-5. Anything under 10-6 should be a supreme disappointment.

With that kind of streak (7-1 or at worst 6-2) going into the playoffs, with a home game to start… who know what can happen!

Seattle Seahawks and Jones Soda Introduce Mmmm, Sweat and Dirt Beverages

I just received a slightly bizarre press release. Enjoy.

SEATTLE--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Jones Soda Co. (the “Company” or “Jones Soda” or “Jones”) (NASDAQ:JSDA) (TSX VENTURE:JSD), announces today its limited edition Seahawks Collector Pack of five new football-inspired flavors which includes: Dirt Soda, Sports Cream Soda, Perspiration Soda, Natural Field Turf Soda, and Sweet Victory Soda.

“Throughout their career, the average NFL player will spend 2 years of their life in the gym, eat 3 pounds of dirt and perspire 10,000 gallons of sweat. These players must withstand incredibly tough conditions to be ready for every game, which is why we thought we’d bring the fans the full experience in a bottle,” says Peter van Stolk, President & C.E.O. “Now, you can enjoy all the sweat and dirt an NFL player experiences, along with the ultimate taste of Sweet Victory.”

The limited edition Seahawks Collector Pack will be available in select stores through the Jones Soda distributor network the week of September 30th. Each pack will retail at $19.99.

“This is certainly unique in the NFL,” said Seahawks CEO Tod Leiweke. “The flavors are distinct and pay tribute to the hard work and determination of our players.”

The Seahawks Collector Pack will also be available for pre-sale beginning on Thursday, September 27th at 8 a.m. (PST) on www.jonessodastore.com. The pack will only be available in limited quantities, and on a first come, first served basis.

Wow. Part of me is thinking, "wow, cool. Gonna get me some for my Seahawks memorabilia collection."

Then part of me is just thinking, "ewwwww."

Talk about fearless marketing. That's pretty cool, anyway.

On second thought, think of all the sodas they could have produced:

Jock Strap Juice... Cleat-Taurus Cola... Tea Bag Tea... 49er Fudge Soda... Leinart Lube... Alexander's Holy Water... Tobeck's Infection... Tatu Poo... Long Snap Ale... Bad Call Brew... Gray's Anatomy Fluid... Knox Flavored Gelatin... Efren Herrera's Fake Daquiris...

I could do this all day, but I have work to do. It's your turn.

What I Learned From... Pissing Away a Win

I'm calm enough to write something now.

Maybe.

I'm pretty much a day behind in all the post game write ups anyway, and by now everyone knows that Shaun Alexander (and a couple of other players) thought Matt Hasselbeck called an audible on their last offensive play, resulting in a botched handoff and hundreds of thousands of Seahawks fans cursing at their TV. But I have some of my usual crap that no one else seems to be writing about.

What did I learn?

• Don't bother with all the fancy-schmancy faking of audibles when all we need to do is run out the clock and make a field goal. Really. And why are we handing the ball to a guy with a cast on one hand in the final seconds of the game anyway?
• LeRoy Hill adds a ton of physicality to the defense that Kevin Bentley does not. Bentley is a walking, talking weak spot.
• We really do need Mo Morris. Alexander is scary this year, but not in a good way. More like a, 'hmmm, is he going to be with us or not' way.
• Losing to the Cards by self-destruction is a bit like rubbing your scrotum with a cheese grater and sitting in a bowl of lemon juice in front of a crowd.
• Rob Sims quietly had a great game.
• Kelly Jennings' size (or lack thereof) is a massive liability in single coverage.
• This offense has got to stop hanging the defense out to dry in the first half.

Nope, still pissed. Time to take it out on the Bengals. Ocho Cinco, where art thou?

Seahawks' Defense Gets Upgrades, Tunes Up, Kicks A$$

Like adding high-perfomance parts to a sweet hot rod, Tim Ruskell has been busily upgrading components to the Seahawks' defense. And last Sunday, when defensive coordinator John Marshall finally got to turn the key and fire this baby up, he began making adjustments and tuning this machine into a synchronized force.


What kind of adjustments did Marshall make? While it is noteworthy that the players stayed very agressive throughout the game--hitting hard and attacking the quarterback--there were some significant adjustments to the strategy Marshall employed.

The best way I can describe it is in phases:

• Phase I - Blitz. It was fun to see all seven of the defensive front running after Carrot Top in a blind rage, but it was the least successful part of the game plan with Tampa netting drives of 20 (shortened by a fumble), 55 (field goal) and 79 (field goal) yards. To his credit, Garcia took the hits on the blitzes and found his receivers, including Galloway for a 49 yard bomb. When they did not blitz, the offense generally stalled. Which is probably why Marshall altered his defensive calls.


• Phase II - Fearsome Foursome. Having less success on blitz plays, Marshall changed things for the second quarter. Sending just four down linemen against Garcia proved to be just as much pressure as blitzing - and dropping linebackers into coverage gave him no quick options to bail out to. He began hesitating, looking for receivers, and then looking for receivers on the run. This effective balance between pass rush and coverage resulted in failed drives of 24 (punt), -3 (punt), and 31 (end of half) yards.


• Phase III - Pounding into submission. This was the most fun part of the game for me to watch. By the time the third quarter started, the defense settled into their strategy, got progressively more comfortable with their assignments, and began hitting ball carriers with reckless abandon. It has been years, maybe even going back into the eighties, since I have seen a Seahawks defense play with that kind of physical agression. Massively hard hits to Cadillac and Carrot Top sent them to the sidelines, snuffing out the offense like a Kevorkian patient.
  I sort of enjoyed Williams' reponse, via Bucs Beat:
  

  ""It was a tough blow," Williams said. "Initially, my thought laying on the ground was, "Oh, man, I've broken my ribs.""....
  
  "Williams said he had difficulty breathing and sleeping Sunday and Monday and struggled to get out of bed....
  
  ""Monday morning, it was like I could barely breathe or cough or make a certain movement," Williams said."

  'Nuff said. For this phase, the Bucs managed drives of 4, 0, 19, and 8 yards, all resulting in punts.


• Phase IV - Clock Killer. Usually you hear of winding down the clock with the offense, but the Seahawks brilliantly accomplished this with the other squad. The Bucs found themselves down by 14 halfway through the fourth quarter, and out comes the full-panic pass attack. It would have appeared that the Seahawks let up as the Bucs gained 56 yards in nine plays, but something different was at work here. (1) The deep ball was completely covered, (2) Garcia was still short on time in the pocket, and (3) the Seahawks allowed them to complete short little passes, and nothing more, which kept the clock running. This ate 4:17 off the clock until Tatupu punched the ball loose and Jennings recovered. It was the last time Tampa got their hands on the ball. All the while, Seattle's defense was in complete control, just giving out enough rope for them to hang themselves.

It's been a long time since I've been this impressed with a Seahawks defense. Clearly, the linebackers are more comfortable with the secondary behind them, and can just go full throttle without hesitation. No longer do we nee safeties way out of place -- even on a reverse, they are right there on assignment.

This season is gonna be good.

Blue Plate Special: Fisher-Frye

Coming back to the office from lunch I heard the ESPN radio teaser about an NFL trade involving a QB who had a rocky start to week one, so I rushed up to my office and fired up my browser to see if it involved the Seahawks.

It did!


Apparently, the Seahawks have acquired much maligned QB Charlie Frye from the Browns in a three team deal involving the Titans. As part of that deal, Renton native DE Bryce Fisher has been sent to the Titans in exchange for undisclosed draft picks.

Looks like the Brady Quinn era is due to start next week in Cleveland, and that the 'slash' era for Seneca Wallace is about to begin in Seattle.

I'll miss Bryce Fisher, but with the development of Daryl Tapp, he became expendable.

This story is still devloping, so here's the 'linkage.'


Fisher Says He's Been Traded to the Titans
(Seahawks Insider)

Browns Deal Charlie Frye to Seahawks
(ESPN)

Browns Trade Frye to Seattle
(FoxSports)

Frye Flies West
(ProFootballTalk)

Let's Add Religion & Start a Holy War!

The three things you're not supposed to talk about in polite conversation are sex, religion and politics. Since this is a sports blog that is full of masterbatory images and homophobic references, we'll have to take sex right out of that equation.

But apparently, some fans take their politics a little too seriously, especially when their favorite team is involved.

Thanks to reader Aaron who provided his commentary on this recent article by Jim Moore in the PI about the inflammatory backlash from the Seattle faithful, directed at Matt and Mack for giving George W. a Seahawks jersey:

This whole article just makes me sick. The people who consider themselves liberals and democrats who were quoted in this article no nothing about what it takes to have the freedoms they have here in this great country. That goes the same for Mrs. Holmgren too. To mix politics and sports..........get over it people. Truly embarrassing to say I'm from the Seattle area. But I am still a HUGE SEAHAWK FAN, regardless of any of the rest of the teams political affiliations.

What has Aaron so up in arms as to call out liberal Seahawks fans and dear, sweet Mrs. Holmgren? Here's a few choice cuts from the Go2Guy's piece that should make any Seahawk fan's blood boil, regardless of which lever you pull on election day.

"I hate you (Matt Hasselbeck), I'll never wear your jersey, I'll never like the Seahawks again."

"How dare Hasselbeck declare Bush an honorary Seahawk," "Who is Matt speaking for? Bush is no Seahawk. He is the worst president of my lifetime, and I'm almost 60. Shame on you, Matt."

"Just goes to show you that being a great athlete doesn't make you smart."

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a proud Northeast liberal democrat, and personally agree with the one guy about the Bush Presidency. However, I see no harm in Matt Hasselbeck and Mack Strong supporting their own political ideals and candidates, and see the jersey presentation to Bush as more of a sign of respect for the office he holds, and less as a partisan statement.

Being a sports fan is all about having a favorite team and defending them to the death, no matter how badly they may suck in any given year. Too often though, we apply this same illogical blind faith approach to more important matters, such as religion and politics.

And whether you agree with his political leanings or not, any sports fan who has had to suffer through Whoppi Goldberg, Emmit Smith, and/or TO trying to defend Michael Vick has to agree with this quote from our quarterback, when asked for his opinion of the Bush presidency:

"I caused such a ruckus holding up a jersey. I'm not educated enough to have a public statement about that. People want to hear educated opinions."

If the same rules applied to sports fans, there'd be no need for ESPN, talk radio or internet blogs!

Because They Said So: Great Toilet Reading!

Because They Said So is a regular round up of Seahawks news from other sources. We gave it this name because we bloggers have no media credentials and we have to take these people's damn word for it.


Wow, all the fishwrap writers are giving it both barrels now. Every newspaper within 500 miles of Seattle is publishing magazine-worthy feature stories for their special section season preview. So instead of the usual bulleted list of odd little gems, today's BTSS is a compilation of the best full-length articles I can find.

Rather than hurry through them while your boss is looking over your shoulder, I highly recommend printing these articles alongside/underneath your weekly sales reports, putting them together in a manila folder, and spending some quality reading time with them in the shitter. That way you get to take a moment to really appreciate some of the best Seahawks-related articles of the year, and simultaneously let the boss think that you are really so into your job that you bring your work in the can.

HOT TIP: Bring a highlighter and make some meaningless marks on the report, just to make it look good.

TOILET-WORTHY STORIES:

• My favorite article has to be Walter Jones: The Greatest Seahawk Ever. Damn near brought a tear to my eye. There have been a lot of Walt stories over the years, but this takes the cake.


• Are the Seahawks rebuilding or reloading? Check out Hawks Enjoy Best of Times
.

• Frank Hughes takes a look at Seattle's advancing DEEEEE-fense.


• A nice background piece on Brian Russell.


• Art Thiel discusses the impact of Jim Mora.

NOT QUITE AS IMPRESSIVE, BUT A GOOD READ ANYWAY:

• DJ Hacket is ready for prime time.


• Shaun Alexander is ready to run.


• Spend 15 minutes with Rod Mar in a Big Walt photo shoot. Cool.


• Are you a die-hard Seahawks optimist? Wanna get pissed off? Read this.


• Wanna feel better afterward? Read this.

Damn, all this has me foaming at the mouth for the season opener.

Don't forget the toilet paper.

I Can Haz New Contract?

According to Adam Schefter (with a hat tip to PFT) The Seahawks have offered a 3-year contract extension to Seneca Wallace.

Special thanks to lolhawks enthusiast and frequent SeahawkBlue contributor, J.L. White, for this picture and caption.

Adam Schefter of NFL Network reports that the Seattle Seahawks have signed backup quarterback Seneca Wallace to a three-year, $5.4 million contract.

The contract increases his 2007 salary from $800,000 to $2 million. Also, Wallace is due to receive a $400,000 roster bonus in March. If the team chooses not to pay it, Wallace will be an unrestricted free agent.

PFT goes on to say they disagree with this move, since they think Seneca left a lot of money on the table.

Personally, I believe this is only the first shoe to fall from Seahawks headquarters. I'm guessing that 3rd stringer David Greene will be released after his dismal performance on Saturday, and that the Seahawks will soon be announcing the acquisition of a veteran QB from some other team, freeing up Mr. Wallace to use his mad skillz elsewhere on the playing surface, either as a slash-type QB/WR, or returning punts and kicks.

Whatever the case, the Seahawk faithful can now breathe a collective sign of relief, knowing how well Seneca filled in while Matt Hasselbeck was rehabbing last season.

New Look for NFL.com

At first glance, I love the new softer colors and ease of readabilty of the new site, not to mention the fact that the first time I loaded the new home page, the feature image was of Seahawk Ben Obamanu making a spectacular one-handed catch! (although he got ripped off in the underlying Top 10 highlight reel, placing 2nd to some RedSlur making a tackle sans helmet)

So now, let's start with a top to bottom physical of the new features and design. (click the image to open NFL.com in a new window)

I like the real estate saving listing of the team logos at the top of the site, and notice they're in alphabetical rather than divisional order.

Not sure what the huge wasted white space is just below it, but there sure seems to be something missing to the left of the Free Fantasy Football graphic. My guess is that it will be used for sponsored advertising, which is sad, since it's putting the almighty dollar in a higher position of prominance than the NFL Sheild.

I love the green bar listing the upcoming games, with start date/time and what I'm guessing will be live scoring updates, but was astonished that they only list 14 boxes across. Last I checked there were 32 teams in the league, and even though there's a few bye-weeks on the schedule, there's certainly enough space to fit all 16 boxes on the masthead instead of forcing the visitor to scroll to the right to see the later games.

The use of tabs is effective and not over-done, allowing the visitor to easily toggle between the current Headlines and the My Team page, as well as toggle between the NFL Network and Game Clips video segments.

The My Team area requests your username and password, but it does not include the customary links to a Forgot Password page. I tried to log in unsucessfully several times, and it wasn't until about the 5th attempt that it bounced me over to a Login Help page.

Going Below the Fold

Below the Fold is a newspaper term indicating the lesser stories that are placed on the bottom half of the front page, getting somewhat less exposure. In web terms, this refers to the content that is not immediately viewable when the home page loads, requiring the visitor to scroll down.

There is a lot of additional information available on NFL.com below the fold, none of which is deserving of a higher profile.

There is another application of a tabbed box, again which is effective, allowing the user to select between the standard Fantasy, Spotlight and Voices features of the site.

Even the necessary boxes for NFL Shop and NFL Field Pass are done tastefully and blend in well with the rest of the site, rather than appearing like some used car lot commercial on late night local TV.

The NFL Network box contains an animated graphic, which I generally dispise, but the use of muted colors and the relative importance of the information displayed makes it tolerable.

The Poll Question box seems way too big in reference to the rest of the site, but that's probably governed by the Sirius sponsorship than anything else. The rest of the site features, By The Numbers, This Day In The NFL, Photos and Around The League, are pretty much web fodder, appropriate earning them the lowest spot on the home page.

But that's not all.

At the bottom of the site is a tremendous list of categorized text-based links to NFL Sites, NFL International, NFL Network, NFL Events, NFL Corporate and NFL On the Go. The best of these might be the real live Contact Us link under NFL Corporate, which allows the fan to provide immediate feedback to the League via a web form.

The Subject categories within this area need to be expanded to include areas like NFL Network, Broadcast Network Partners, Officiating, etc., but it's great to have a means to drop Richie Cunningham a quick note to let him know what you think.

I submitted a message regarding NFL Network, and was surprised that I didn't receive a confirmation email. Usually these types of feedback systems have an automated reply telling you your message has been received and thanking you for the input, but adding that personal responses to inquiries cannot be guaranteed.

All in all I think it's a great face lift for a design that was getting a little long in the tooth. Now I'm hoping upon hope that Seahawks.com follows suit.

Five Seahawks to Watch on Sunday

Preseason football is like a blind date. Sure, you're finally going out on Sunday night, but you never really know what you're going out with!

What we do know is that the starters, Hasselbeck, Alexander and the like, will be in the game barely long enough to work up a sweat. What we also know is that most of the media focus will be on the rookies, like Wilson, Mebane and Atkins, and newly acquired free agents, like Kerney, Pollard, Russell and Grant.

So how do you keep yourself interested in the game after the stars are on the bench in baseball caps?

Here are five returning Seahawks players to watch, whose performance may be critical to the success of the team in 2008:

Chris Spencer (65) - granted he's a starter, but he'll probably play a good portion of the game, to get as much game-speed activity as possible and to work on the Center-QB exchange with Seneca. He got a lot of experience last season, but now that he's taking over for Robbie Tobeck and calling out the blocking assignments, his performance will be a determining factor in the effectiveness of our offense.

Leonard Weaver (43) - with Shaun and Mack sure to be out of the game early, Weaver should see a lot of time at fullback and even some tailback. Will he still be as explosive after the ankle injury that landed him on IR last season, and will he be once again baptising people with that incredible stiff-arm?

Will Heller (85) - Marcus Pollard is four inches shorter and 6 years older than former staring TE Jerramy Stevens, which means that Will Heller will probably see more playing time this coming season. Is Heller more like Itula Mili, the starting TE before Stevens, or more like former TE Ryan Hannam, mostly a blocker who was rarely a target in the offensive game plan? The WCO needs an effective TE who can both block and make critical catches when called upon, and we'll need more than one option with Pollard as the starter.

EDIT: just read that neither Will Heller nor 3rd stringer TE Bennie Joppru are making the trip to San Diego, so I guess I'll be watching rookie Joe Newton (46) and third year man Leonard Stephens (89) instead. (Not sure if Leo's surname will help or hurt him, even if it is spelled a little differently!)

David Greene (11) - All Seahawks fans now feel more comfortable with Seneca Wallace after last season, but this is the make or break year for Greene, entering his third season as the head clipboard holder. If he can impress Holms enough to potentially be slotted as Matt's backup, that can free up Seneca to be used in more creative ways, either returning kicks and/or punts, or as a "slash" type of receiver.

Michael Boulware (28) - Only two short seasons ago, Boulware was featured in a Disney commercial leading up to the Super Bowl. Now with the departure of Hamlin and the arrival of Grant and Russell, his future with the Seahawks may be in jeopardy. Can he keep his head in the game as a backup, and play assignment-correct when called upon? If not, he could be a surprise cut when rosters spots become a premium.

Lastly, since this is also pre-season for us fans, here's a little roster cheat sheet so you don't yell "way to go Jerramy" when you see a TE named Stephens on the field, or "drop back Hammer" when you see #26 lining up at cornerback.

26 - CB Josh Wilson (used to be Ken Hamlin, who is now a Cowboy)
39 - SS C.J. Wallace (used to be Josh Scobey, who is now a Bill)
69 - OG Steve Vallos (used to be Joe Tafoya, who is now a Cardinal)
82 - WR Jordan Kent (used to be Darrell Jackson, who is now a 49er)
86 - WR Courtney Taylor (used to be Jerramy Stevens, who is now a Buc)
88 - TE Marcus Pollars (used to be Itula Mili, who is now retired)
98 - DT Marcus Green (used to be Grant Wistrom, who is now retired)

The Crying Game

God I love this time of the football season!

It's like the first time you reach up to start unbuttoning the shirt of your high school sweetheart, and she doesn't grab your hand and pull it away!

Am I really that suave, or is she just easy? Are we gonna have sex, or will I just get shut down sliding into third? Who cares, I've got bare tit and I'm loving it!

That's how I feel as preseason games are upon us and network media pundits are publishing their reviews from NFL training camps. And it does matter if you follow the Raiders or the Colts, every fan of every team is at near orgasmic levels of optimism in August.

And to read the reports, every one of the 32 NFL franchises is resembling a nymphomaniac Beyonce look-a-like, with a well stock fridge and liquor cabinet, who medaled in gymnastics and has a Masters degree in the Kama Sutra.

That's why I find myself trying to take in all this information with a golf ball sized grain of salt. If today's report from camp is that our DBs are picking off passes left and right, does this mean our defense has improved, or is our offense sputtering? If the reports are that the running backs are gashing through huge holes for long gains, does this mean the offensive line has finally come together, or that our defense tackles are getting pushed around like grocery carts?

Who the fuck cares? As any hormone enraged teenager or liquored up bar closer will tell you, it doesn't really matter if she's a 10 or a 2, the prospect of getting laid is exciting!

But the truth of the matter is that once the regular season begins, at least half of the the fans with an Eddie Murphy-like feeling of nausia, as they reach down and discover that their dream girl has mysteriously similar plumbing to thyne own!

The beauty of the NFL is, with its parity and frequent injuries, that nobody really knows which teams will turn out to be Jaye Davidson.

All fans just hope and pray that it's not their own!

Who Loves The Seahawks More Than Captain Caveman?

The title probably should end with the word "Does", since I'm sure most visitors love the team more than they love Captain Caveman, but it was already too fucking long. However, in this piece he did for Deadspin, one time Streeter Matt Ufford professes his true feelings and devotion to our favorite NFL franchise.

(and I'm just mailing it in!)

lolHawks

With a hat tip to icanhazcheezeburger and loljocks, welcome to the first edition of Seahawks-themed lol graphics.

I find myself inexplicably facinated with these things, and was lucky enough to have one of my submissions posted by Grimey last month. Rather than continue to innundate him with graphics that I find tremendously funny, but that may not work for the larger and broader scope of his audience, I've decided to concentrate on Seahawks-themed items and post them here.

Not original idea, but then again, what else on the internet is?

Feel free to add your own captions in the Comments section.

Hope you like!

Who is the Turd in the Seahawks Punchbowl?

Gone are perennial fuck-ups like Koren Robinson and Jerramy Stevens, and we know that Tim Ruskell has been hell-bent on drafting and signing choirboys with high moral fiber.

However, even if you go over the resumes of all the Saints in the Catholic church, you're bound to find that some are not as holy as others. So there must be at least two or three guys in the locker room who are doing some shit that they shouldn't be doing.

Probably not dog fighting or hopefully not other inexcusable acts like taking steroids, hot-tubbing with teen-agers or voting Republican. But mark my words, if somebody is doing something they shouldn't be, then Sheriff Richie Cunningham and his posse of Ralph and Potsie are bound to catch up with them.

So who is the turd currently floating in the Seahawk punchbowl?

The most recent Seahawks to make some news for off-field issues are Patrick Kerney, who apparently lives upstairs in a frat house, and Shaun Alexander, who obviously doesn't not watch HGTV. This pales in comparison to punching out a division rival in a casino or running an off-season prostitution ring, so our boys need to try harder.

Big Walt is from Louisiana, and we know how those Southern boys like their illegal animal fighting, so maybe he's involved in cock-fighting or secretly backing the boxing career of Tonya Harding?

Julian Peterson, a handsome black man who is always neatly groomed in impeccably dressed, used to play in San Franciso. Perhaps his pregame ritual consists of listening to show tunes and the Best of Barbara Streisand on his iPOD? (not that there's anything wrong with it!)

Could Matt Hasselbeck have such an uncontrollable gambling habit that he'd bet on everything from how the number of carrots in a can of Chunky Vegetable Soup to how many seasons of sucking it will take before the Cardinals fire Ken Wisenhunt?

It used to be that the Seahawks were generally ignored by the NFL media due to their history of mediocrity, but that all changed with three straight division crowns and their trip to Super Bowl XL. Now it seems they're being snubbed in the police blotter section, with all the attention on the Bengals, Steelers and Falcons.

And even though it makes me very happy that no member of my favorite team is flying to New York for a personal sit-down with The Fuhrer, as a Seahawk fan, I feel compelled to whine about it anyway!

Nice Going, NFL.com

Don't get me wrong, I'm usually geeked everytime I see a Seahawk player prominently profiled on a national web site, but the timing and headline for this feature on Shaun Alexander are just irresponsible.

For the NFL to put a picture of one of the true "good guys" of the league, under the heading "Repeat Offenders" on the day that Michael Vick is indicted on dog fighting charges is a joke.

Millions of casual sports fans will be clicking on NFL.com for news on Vick, and will be served up this misleading image and headline, which sets an instantaneous connotation in the visitor's brain, most of whom won't bother to click through to get the full story or understand the tongue-in-cheek nature of the headline.

I understand this story was probably written and published well before the Vick news broke, but given the inflamatory nature of the events surrounding the indictment, they should take this story down or change the misleading headline.

Oh yea, and the refs screwed the Seahawks in Super Bowl XL too!

Yet Another Emasculating Seahawks Related Video

Just shoot me.

As if it wasn't bad enough to have the 1985 Seahawks produce a torrid, steamy music video featuring Herman Munster Mike Tice and Michael Jackson Michael Jackson, a whole gaggle of bikini-bottom wearing school boys get together and do this...



What happened to the good ol' days, when kids who pulled stuff like this got their asses kicked?

Ironically, the lords of gay karma must have seen it. Two days after filming, the Seahawks lost Super Bowl XL.

That's it. NO MORE GAY SEAHAWKS VIDEO. At least not until I find something equally horrible about an NFC West rival.

Because They Said So: Merrill Hodge Brain Damage!

Because They Said So is a regular round up of Seahawks news from other sources. We gave it this name because we bloggers have no media credentials and we have to take these people's damn word for it.

• Seahawks blogger Dan Lucero of MVN takes a great ride on Merrill Hodge's ignorance about the Seahawks' secondary.
• From the 'Worth a Chuckle' department: A Broncos blogger ranks Jay Cutler over Matt Hasselbeck. Heck, that may even be worth a giggle.
• Surprise, surprise--According to the USA today, Shaun Alexander was the ninth highest-paid player in the NFL last season at $15,125,000. If that surprises you, then consider how he was topped by Vikings LG Steve Hutchinson, who was ranked at #4, and paid a cool $16,588,080.
• Deep in the bowels of the Seahawks' depth chart is the 4th or 5th string RT Kyle Williams. He's a longshot to even make the practice squad, but there is a nice feature about him on WeAreSC.com. He seems to be a hard worker who makes the most of his opportunities.

Oh, and meet my fantasy librarian Nikki Cox. I'd like to look something up in her Dewey Decimal system!

Because They Said So, Fourth of July Edition

Because They Said So is a regular round up of Seahawks news from other sources. We gave it this name because we bloggers have no media credentials and we have to take these people's damn word for it.

It's that wonderful time of year where there are more Coronas in my fridge than good Seahawks topics. I just wish I could keep that ratio going through training camp. Nonetheless, here are some things of note:

• The Seahawks have signed four year contracts with two of their rookies, guard Mansfield Wrotto and linebacker Will Herring, chosen in the fourth and fifth rounds respectively. I'm trying not to yawn, but it's hard. The most intrigue I call possibly pull out of this is that Wrotto was essentially acquired in trade for Darrell Jackson, and is a project at best, in the process of converting from defensive tackle in college. If and when things go wrong this season, I expect this trade to be brought up by the old 'fire Holmgren' crowd.


• Matt Hasselbeck is out of shape. I know it's a couple of weeks old, but Art Theil reports that, while Hasselbeck's shoulder surgery is ahead of schedule, he doesn't have his football strength yet:
  

  "Right now I'm not strong. I'm trying, but I have a lot of training to do. In order for me to be successful and play a full season, I gotta be strong. I'm way ahead of my rehab, but where I am physically is more like March. I'm way behind."

  Maybe he's got a little jellybelly going on. But he's going to have to train hard this offseason to get back into shape, or it's going to be a long year for him.


• Michael Silver of SI.com ranks the top NFL owners. Of course, it's chock full of East coast bias. Paul Allen shows up strong at #12. But at least Silver brought home a paycheck.

Now if you'll excuse me, my Coronas are lonely.

Is The Clock Ticking On David Greene?

Since the departure of Mike Sando, there has been a thirst for facts regarding the Seahawks' most recent move, the signing of QB Erik Meyer. Thankfully, the TNT delivered their commitment to Seahawks coverage by assigning long time beat writer Dave Boling to the task.

What is revealed is that the clock may be ticking on the third string QB, David Greene:

Here’s what I see from the sidelines in practices: Greene is not a consistently precise passer. Even if it’s little tosses to flaring backs, the ball is sometimes delivered in a spot where the back has to break stride to make the catch. One of the most impressive things about watching Matt Hasselbeck practice is his focus on delivering every pass … even in warm-ups and drills … to a place where it’s easy to catch. Greene doesn’t always show that degree of focus.

Greene might have been a gamer in college, but having invested a third-round pick in him in 2005, Holmgren and company may have him on the bubble.