What happens when suck takes on blow?

Last Sunday, like seemingly every other week this year, sucked. A lot. I could throw all sorts of "analysis" and "breakdowns" of the choke job, but thats using to many words. Suck will suffice.

If there's any team that can MAYBE relate to us, its the Rams. (The Lions are sort of used to this by now, yes?) The Rams got this lovely sense of false hope when they appointed their shitty defensive coordinator and they beat a Redskins team that didn't feel like playing and a Cowboys team that had some major boo-boos. Suddenly, at 2-4, it was ALMOST tolerable to live in St. Louis! Haha, then In bev bought Budweiser and the city sucks again. Let me illustrate what the last few weeks have done to the Rams and their fans.



Of course, the Rams should sort of be used to this as well. After all, Seahawks fans had been circling a late season date with Arizona to see if that might decide the NFC West. Well...not quite. They sort of wrapped that thing up last week. And somehow the 49ers and their pantsless coach are head of us. Jesus, this season has been drink-inducing, has it not?

If I could be involved in this after Seahawks losses, I'd be a better person.

So, here we go, two absolutely horrible teams playing for whatever resemblance of pride they have left. Meh, they can do whatever...I just found a better way to occupy my time

Sweet jesus, I could have myself a good time with that much bourbon!

Enjoy the game...I'm gettin' hammered!

Flex this

The apperant Seahawks offense line gets ready to go to the scales...fuck, am I ever bitter about how this season has gone.

So, the Seahawks-Pats game has been "flexed out" by the NFL. Apparently, the league is sensitive to the mental state of your typical Seattle fan, and is sparing us from having to watch this team get slaughtered in prime time by Matt Cassell and his Band of Bastards that are still going to win the AFC East. Jesus, why can't our injury problems result in division titles? New England looses a pro bowler...magically they get a 3-time Super Bowl winning quarterback. he goes down...then Matt Cassell does this.

As much as the Seahawks frustrate me, I was looking forward to watching them since it feels weird when you want to drink because of the NFL.com Gamecast. Sure, Hass just got sacked...again. But what if its a coverage sack? No need to grab the bourbon bottle in that case. Or did the left side of the line starting dreaming about buckets of fried chicken and let Matt get decked? Well then, I need to go make my favorite cocktail. Its 1 part alcohol, 1 part more alcohol, and 4 parts more alcohol. Serve on ice, and hide cell phone. Its delicious!

Anyway, I was thinking about how if the NFL can flex out things that it doesn't want to see, why can't I?

Employee evaluations are probably coming up, since I've been working at my current job for almost a year. I'd like to flex this out, because I don't want the frustrating experience f getting a year's worth of feedback in ten minutes. I'd like to exchange this experience in favor of going to a carwash being conducted by bikini-clad wimmens.

Oh noes! What if K-Rob drops that sponge!

Hey, this flex thing is fun. Let's keep this going. I have to do some Holiday shopping, but the parking lot is just so crowded. How can I opt out of this? Um...another bikini car wash? That could work...but what about I get Santa's Big Chested Helper to do my shopping instead.

Hey, why are you looking up Mora to Huskies rumors! Get on Amazon...now!

This is going pretty good. But, don't get to spendy there, Santa's Big Chested Helper. I'm not exactly rich. Let's flex out my financial situation....

That'll do...um...Cindey? That seems like a good name for you!

So, instead of going to employee evaluations I went to a bikini car wash, had some sexy lady do my holiday shopping with money my stripper friend brings home. I could get used to this flexing thing.

Enjoy the game and its not starting at late at night!

Alan

Hey! Look over there!

Jim Zorn is doing well. Hey, maybe we shouldn't have let him go....  Oh well, if you can't be happy for Zorn, then may I suggest:

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Giants Running Back Gets Sooo Wasted and then Sooo Arrested But Escapes Getting Sooo Run Over by a Car

Often-inactive and otherwise statistically-challenged Danny Ware got his slurry on during the bye week, decided to stand in traffic and attempt to form sentences with a female of the opposite sex.

Ware and a 24-year-old Dallas woman attracted a police officer’s attention at about 2:25 a.m. Sunday at East Clayton Street near North Jackson Street because they seemed oblivious to traffic that had to steer around them as they stood in the street talking, according to police.

Ware admitted that he’d been drinking, and a breath test showed he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.152 grams, police said.

Yeah, I know -- who cares, right? Before today, I didn't know the man existed. But you know what? I still don't.

Well, I guess I'll pick up K-Rob's drinking problem

Let's just start working our way up, shall we?

Reading the Seattle Times Seahawk blog today, I see that Koren Robinson is not only back with the Seahawks, but he is also living the sober life now. That's great to hear. This was a receiver with a lot of potential that he never did will realize. And, as a fan of the Seahawks, I have no other choice.

I will take up K-Rob's drinking problem.

Fear not, K-Rob, whereas you probably aren't allowed to touch alcohol, I have access to beer and hard liquor. Even wine. Wine, Koren, sweet delicious wine! One time I decided to have a glass of it with dinner, then decided I didn't need a glass...since you know, the bottle is made out of that anyway.

I once tried to outdrink The Dude from the Big Lebowski. To make these white russians, I did not ue shot glasses...I used liquid measuing cups. Have you ever had three cups worth of white russians? Its amazing.

One time I bought a bottle of rum and when the casheir asked if I needed a bag I replied, "no." I spent the remaining party drinking from said bottle, attempting to hit on girls, and then just to be a dick pretended to be the police. Man that scared everyone at the party. I got a lot of high fives for that one. Not from the party's organizer though, I think she still hates me.

This is the level of comittment that I am offering here, K-Rob. You stay sober and focus on running routes and catching passes. Apperently Jordan Kent couldn't, which is why I had a few Killian's while debating why exactly we cut him.

So Koren, whenever you close your eyes and see that beautiful, beautiful bottle of bourbon, or when you hear the Qwest Field Beer vendors above everyone else, know this: I will drink for you. Sure there are fans that cheer loud at the game and try to help the game by making it hard for other players to hear. I, however, will be doing something just for few, Koren. I will get absolutely plowed/shit faced/pissed (for our Australian and British friends)/deee-RUNK so you don't have to.

Its the least I can do.

Koren is Back? Yes, Koren is Back

I case you hadn't heard... pending physical exam, Koren is back.

Criticism of K-Drop is well documented on this site:

• Kirkland Police accused Robinson of being intoxicated when he showed up Wednesday morning to serve a one-day jail term on the DUI conviction. by ADP
• Koren Robinson’s blood-alcohol level measured .191 percent in a pair of breath tests administered by Medina Police in the early morning hours of May 6 by ADP
• The Seahawks have released WR Koren Robinson  by Irish Greg
  
• He's Worse Than I Ever Thought by Me

On Koren's resume':

• Robinson was arrested just after 3:30 a.m. on May 6 after Medina police officer David Obermiller stopped him for excessive speeding and unsafe lane travel eastbound on SR 520. Obermiller, according to a statement from Medina police, smelled alcohol on Robinson's breath and asked him to take a field sobriety test.
  
• Charges dismissed by prosecutors since 1998 include first-degree kidnapping, attempted first-degree sex offense, discharge of a firearm in the city, carrying a concealed weapon, driving while license revoked, no operator's license, operating a vehicle with no insurance and failure to disperse on command.
  
• The most serious of his arrests occurred in April of 1998. According to a North Carolina police report, Robinson was arrested on suspicion of "kidnapping a person under the age of 16 years, by unlawfully confining for the purpose of committing a felony, first-degree sex offense. (The victim) was not released in a safe place." Police charged Robinson with an attempted first-degree sex offense, first-degree kidnapping and discharging a firearm in the city. Charges were dropped because, according to the report, police were "unable to locate the prosecuting witness."
  
• On March 19, 2002, Robinson was pulled over on his 22nd birthday in North Carolina for driving 90 miles per hour in a 60-mph zone. The police report lists his blood alcohol level at .16, but police charged Robinson only with exceeding safe speed. The report lists the verdict as "responsible" and Robinson paid $90 in court costs and a $10 fine.
  
• The most recent case against Robinson in North Carolina came after he was arrested by the Raleigh police on March 14, 2003, for carrying a concealed weapon. That case was dismissed.
  
• On August 1, 2005, Robinson checked himself into a 28-day alcohol rehabilitation program in South Carolina. Afterwards, Robinson was acquired by the Vikings for the 2005 season.
  
• On Tuesday August 16th, 2006 during the 2006 pre-season it was reported that Robinson was again arrested and incarcerated for "driving while impaired". Robinson was released by the Vikings on Saturday August 26, 2006. The Vikings' decision resulted in Robinson and his agent filing a union grievance since thecollective bargaining agreement prohibits teams from releasing players for disciplinary reasons. On January 23, 2007 Robinson reached a deal with prosecutors to be sentenced on a single felony charge of fleeing police after leading officers on a high-speed chase in August, 2006. In exchange for Robinson's Alford plea, prosecutors dismissed seven lesser charges related to drunken driving, reckless driving and driving without a license.
  
• On February 20, 2007 Robinson was sentenced to 90 days in jail for fleeing police in August 2006. He served the sentence at the same time he serves 90 days for violating his probation in a separate drunken-driving case in Kirkland, Wash., last year. Robinson will be on probation for three years and must also must complete 80 hours of community service and pay a $1,500 fine.
  

	Team	G	GS	Rec	Yds	Avg	Lng	TD	20+	40+	1st
2001	Seattle Seahawks	16	13	39	536	13.7	42	1	8	2	25
2002	Seattle Seahawks	16	16	78	1240	15.9	83	5	19	4	58
2003	Seattle Seahawks	15	15	65	896	13.8	38	4	14	0	39
2004	Seattle Seahawks	10	8	31	495	16	33	2	10	0	23
2005	Minnesota Vikings	14	5	22	347	15.8	80	1	5	3	10
2006	Green Bay Packers	4	0	7	89	12.7	24	0	1	0	6
2007	Green Bay Packers	9	1	21	241	11.5	43	1	3	1	11
Total		84	58	263	3844	14.6	83	14	60	10	172

I guess this means we are officially desperate.