Did Brad Johnson Buy His Helmet at a Yard Sale? Or Is He Just Cheap?

Something caught my eye at the end of regulation in the Cards-Cowboys matchup. Brad Johnson takes the field as the holder for the potential game-tying field goal.

You know those little green circle stickers they put on the back of helmets, signifying the radio inside? Check out Johnson's:



Apparently someone though it would be funny to make it look like a yard sale sticker, and write "$1.00" on is with a sharpie.

Nice. Wish I'd thought of that. Brad just sits around like a cheap lamp nowdays, anyway.

Taint Cheering For the Cowboys

I'll admit it. That headline is just a thinly veiled justification for posting this picture. Anyone else smell fish?

Anyhow, the Seahawks are the only NFC contender who still does not know who they'll be lining up against in the playoffs. The suddenly resurgent Redslurs are the odds on favorite to be visiting the Pacific Nortwest, since they control their own destiny, but the Viking and Saints are still breathing on life-support, hoping their HMO doesn't pull the plug this weekend.

So who are you rooting for?

All the Redskins need to do is win and they're in. Some Seahawks faithful want to have the Redskins come back to Qwest field to lay another beat-down on them like we did in 2005, but even the most casual fan knows this year's version is nowhere near as dominant as that team. The Redskins seem to be peaking just at the right moment, and Todd Collins is playing more like a top 10 draft pick than someone who hasn't started in 10 years. Besides, there is that payback thing from 2005 for extra motivation.

Speaking of payback, the Saints are the only potential opponent that we already played this season, and the last time they visited Qwest, the came away with their first win of the season in a 28-17 Bushfest (I mean Reggie, not the graphic above). For the Saints to make a return trip to Seattle, they need to Redskins and Vikings to lose. As much as I'd like the Seahawks to get a chance to avenge their only home field loss, especially since they'll be without their two most potent weapons from that contest, Reggie Bush and Boone Stutz, this would force me to pull for both the Cowboys and the Broncos, which is way too much for any Seahawk fan to bear.

Which leaves us the Vikings. Yes, the Steve Hutchinson poison-pill sleezeballs that also came into Qwest last season and knocked out Hasselbeck for more than a month. Those Vikings. I'd love for them to get a sniff of playoff hope only to have the Seahawks dismantle and destroy their hopes and dreams, and since we've already exacted our revenge against the Bears, rooting for them to knock out the Saints won't turn my stomache too badly.

So I don't care who we play in the first round, because I'm not ascared of either the Redskins, the Vikings or the Saints.

But all that being said, there 'taint no way I'm cheering for the Cowboys.

Friday Circle Jerk, Vol. III

Hopefully by now, you know what the Friday Circle Jerk is all about. If not, it's some sweet, salty spots in the sports blogosphere this week that I think just didn't get quite enough spooge. So open wide:

• Jason Witten's mom should be in Roger Goodell's sights. Deuce of Davenport asks a great question: What is Roger Goodell Going To Do With This?


• Julius Jones won't sign some broad's titty. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Kissing Suzy Kolber has all the delicious details.


• Tie one on with your favorite sports idol. Deuce hits two home runs this week, this last one being a nice list of cocktails that should be named after athletes.


• First funny predictions list of the year. Troy's Thoughts On Sports walks you through a whole lot of what will and won't happen this season. Good Stuff.

Well, that's all a got--it's that slow, miserable time of year. Chalk one up to premature ejac.

Piss On The Star

I gotta admire the spirit of these Slur fans. Nothing like singing out vile guestures of hatred to all the kids to keep the Redskins-Cowboys rivalry going.



I wonder if that dude in the middle knows he solos like a 12 year old?

Dolphin & Chief Fans Need Not Respond

It appears that the Trent Green [yawn] to the Dolphins trade has finally been made, according to the NFL Network crawl and this piece on ESPN.com, which means that Dante Culpepper will soon hit the open market.

That means that the fan boards and blogs of at least 29 other teams will soon have a topic titled "What about Dante Culpepper?". (30 if you think Viking fans are stupid enough to want him back.)

Some fans may think that Dante is just the short-term stop-gap they need as the starting QB while they develop their raw young talent. Come on Raider, Bronco and Brown fans, you know you're thinking about it.

Other teams may think he'd be a good insurance policy, should their starter get injured, or just continue to suck for another season. I'm mainly talking to you Bears fan, but the entire NFC East may just knock the shit out of each other trying to sign this guy before the other one does!

Then there are those teams who just don't have a QB, where even a broken down and overrated Culpepper would be seen as an immediate upgrade. I'm not just talking to you, Bills fan, I'm including your buddy in the back row wearing the Cheesehead too.

Even teams with established starting QB and viable clipboard holders already on the roster will feel the need to discuss adding Captain Stuebing to their roster, even at the risk of creating a QB controversy and effecting team chemistry. This would include Jaguar fan, Steeler fan and yes, even my own beloved Seahawk bretheren.

So step up and make your best case as to why you would (or wouldn't) want your team to take a flyer on Daunte Culpepper, or at least provide the screen name and web address of the first clown to suggest this move on your favorite fan forum.

All I know is, Surry County, Virginia prosecutor Gerald Poindexter just got a brand new deputy to lead the fight and do whatever it takes to get a dog fighting conviction against Michael Vick!

I'm Very Ashamed to Admit This

It pains me to have to admit this, but the first step to resolving a problem is acknowledging that, indeed, one exists, so here goes...

I miss T.O.!

Not Terrell Owens, the talented wide out who is participating in Dallas OTA's and throwing his support behind new coach Wade Phillips and his staff.

I miss T.O., the over-hyped malcontent who seemed to be at odds with former head coach Big Tuna from the get-go, and single-handedly derailed all hopes for Cowboy fans from the moment he inked his contract.

By this time last season, we had lived through his implosion with the Philadelphia Eagles, complete with the shirtless driveway sit ups press conference, the botched suicide attempt phoned in by his skank ho bitch-o-the-day publicist, and donning the US Cycling Team uniform and helmet as he rehabbed his mysterious injury (and twisted the thorn in Parcell's side) while the rest of this teammates practiced.

Now that "the head coach" has been replaced, and "the player" seems more interested in making plays than headlines, we're stuck with rather mundane and depressing NFL news fodder while we wait for the real games to begin.

Will Trent Green become a Dolphin or remain with the Chiefs? Who the fuck cares? I mean, neither team is going anywhere this season, and if there was a National Boredom Association, Trent Green would not only be their spokesman, he'd receive a lifetime acheivement award!

And you can't even get excited about the other side of this story: will Dante Culpepper remain a Dolphin should the Green trade go through? Pffft. Unless he's starring in the Hustler Films remake of The Love Boat, with Jenna Jameson playing the part of Julie, and a cameo by Fred Smoot as Isaac The Bartender, wake me the next time he does something noteworthy either on or off the field.

It is downright ridiculous to try and make something out of who is not participating in mini-camps, or who is being disrespected by getting a franchise deal that will pay him more in one year than the combined career income of all of the high school teachers in your town.

I'm so sick of hearing about Mike Vick posing as the Canine Don King, Steeler assistant coaches forwarding hardcore pornography to everyone but me, and the latest Bengal to be given a "noogies" by Richie Cunningham, I could scream.

I got a little excited when I heard that Chad Johnson was planning to run a race against a Bronco, until I found out it was a real live horse, and not John Elway or Shannon Sharpe (although the resemblance in the publicity photos between Chad's opponent and these former NFL stars was remarkable.)

What this off season needs is some good old American T.O. sideshow, to fire up the competitive juices in every sports fan looking for something to rant about, or at least to provide us with another reason to hate the freaking Cowboys!

So whether we need to hide his medication, arrange another bender with his skank ho bitch-o-the-day publicist, or get a court order to prevent Jerry Jones from administering his daily "salad tossing" on Owens, we need to do something to awaken the sleeping devil known as T.O. and give us some good off-season sound-bites to react to.

Tony Romo Swims In a Cruel Irony

Tony Romo has baggage. I can prove it.

In case you missed it, consider the plight of Miss USA Rachel Smith. At the Miss Universe competition, she walked down the runway and dropped to make a snail track pap smear brown suckermark moon pie right-smack-dab in the middle of the stage.

To her credit, she got right up and never lost composure. Here's the video:



Then comes the time when Miss Smith is to draw out card out of a fishbowl, to see what judge gets to ask her a mindless question. Amid a chorus of a Mexico City hometown heckling, chanting and a chorus of boos, what judge does she draw? As if her luck isn't shitty enough, she picks judge number one, Tony 'Butterfingers' Romo, quarterback of the future with the Dallas Cowboys.

This is where Romo goes for the jugular. The ASSHOLE OF RECORD asks, "If you could go back and relive one moment in your life, what moment would you pick, and why?"

As if nobody was thinking about her glorious ass kissing the glossy stage moments earlier.

See it for yourself, and listen to the obnoxious crowd:



Now why would that question be on your mind, Tony? Could you still be laying awake at night, self-basting in your own flop-sweat, thinking about what could have been?

I have a question for you Mr. Romo... If you could go back and relive one moment in your life, what moment would you pick, and why?

HOW ABOUT THIS ONE!!!