Richie Cunningham Channeling the Spirt of Elliott Ness

According to our friends at ProFootballTalk.com, the NFL has circulated a memo informing all teams to get rid of alcohol from their team facilities, team planes and locker rooms.

There's no word whether the memo was sponsored by Anheuser-Busch or Miller, but it did come with a coupon for 20% off the Box Set of the old Untouchables series.

I just have one word for the Commish: PUSSY!

I'm all for the tougher personal conduct policy, but prohibition just doesn't work. Besides, what's the sense of having a personal conduct policy if you have no faith that your players will know how to personally conduct themselves?

Sure, that Cardinals pitcher got all liquored up and took the flaming death sled to oblivion, but is that any reason to deprive Walter Jones of a nice cold beer after pushing around the league's premier defensive ends for 3 hours on Sunday?

I wasn't born yesterday, so I know the league is just trying to avoid any negative publicity should one of their players get liquored up and kill themselves in an automobile accident (cough*derrickthomas*cough) but let's not bite the hand that feeds here. Who does he think is paying the million dollar salaries of these gladiators of the gridiron?

Thanks to a web site called GroomsOnLine.com, which sells stadium scoreboard photos to which you can add your own personal message, I was able to do some quick research and found that no fewer than 25 of the 32 NFL teams prominently feature a beer or liquor brand on their stadium scoreboard. (see list below) And anyone who has ever had to suffer through a "TV time out" knows that without beer commercials, a regular season game would last about 90 minutes!

These guys are old enough to vote, old enough to go to war, and old enough to lug hefty bags full of dollar bills into strip clubs, so I say they're old enough to enjoy a cocktail or six after a hard day at the office. I mean, it's got to be bad enough playing for the Texans or Raiders, but now they won't even be able to drown their sorrows after their regularly scheduled Sunday drubbings!

If Richie Cunningham is going to approach his term as Commissioner like Eliott Ness, then let's hope the Vikings charter another Love Boat cruise before the season starts. I sure would like to enjoy watching my Seahawks play each Sunday without all those annoying Viagra and Cialis commercials!

Arizona
Atlanta
Buffalo
Carolina
Chicago
Cincinnati
Denver
Detroit
Green Bay
Houston
Indy
Jacksonville
Minnesota
New England
New Orleans
NY Jets
Oakland
Shittsburgh
San Diego
San Francisco
St. Loser
Tampa Bay
Tenessee
Slursville