John Marshall: Man, that bye wasn't very relaxing at all. The damn grass grew TOO FAST! My heart rate was possibly in the 80s! Too much excitement the whole week. Plus, the misses wanted to try out something called the Bridge (link NSFW). What is she thinking? It wasn't Missionary!
(Logs on to computer)
Let's see what happened while I was gone...ooh, everyone in the division lost...
...Linehan was fired....and Hasslet was named the head coach?
(rushes to NFL.com....to stats page)
HOT DAMN!
(rushes to practice field)
Lofa! LeRoy! Julian! I came up with a scheme that is so brilliant...I WILL GET A HEAD COACHING JOB!
Lofa: Woah coach, I haven't seen you this excited since they put in a fern plant in the cafeteria.
Julian: Yeah, or that day they dared give you vanilla pudding instead of chocolate.
LeRoy: This borders on the time he got all happy after watching The Brave Little Toaster.
Marshall: LeRoy, don't try to confuse me by bringing in that damn talking appliance into this. I still don't get it.
Lofa, Julian, LeRoy collectively: Sigh....
Marshall: OK, OK...this is going to sound weird, but this somehow worked for Hasslet in St. Louis, so we're going to do something similar.
Lofa: Didn't Brickhands Bumpus score on them?
Bumpus: I HEARD THAT! (muffs punt)
Marshall: Yeah, but it worked for Hasslet. He's the head coach of the Rams now...
(the three linebackers stare at him)
Marshall: You will just stand there. No rushing, no dropping back into coverage, nothing. Just stand there!
Lofa: And they wonder why I got a DUI!
Marshall: It can't fail...now, someone get me some caffeine free Mountain Dew....I WANNA RIDE THIS HIGH TILL SUNDAY!
Holmgren to Mora: Please, please fire him....
Ohh, my. While some of those positions are, well, compelling -- I can't see doing it that way without getting better insurance.
ReplyDeleteDamn.... "The Wheelbarrow?"
ReplyDeleteI'll be spending the rest of my days finding someone to do that with.