Sunday, April 27, 2008

Clay Bennett reacts to day one of the NFL Draft

Hello fellow Washingtonians! Clay Bennett here to give analysis of how the Seahawks did in the first round of the draft. Give me a little bit though, by good buddy David is here putting on my, shit. Its a...uh...medal! That's it! Dave's giving me this medal for my amazing ability to recreate that one scene from Pulp Fiction. Not the quarter ponder in France one. You know what I'm talking about

(Stern giggles before yelling at black man for having tattoos)

Anyway, lets see what we got going on here. Traded down, eh? Made a trade with Dallas? You northwest guys just LOVE doing business with us from the south!

Lets see here, you ended up picking Lawrence Jackson. His scouting report says he lacks closing speed and struggles with double teams. Stop looking at me like that, Dave! He's not a tight end which was a need for the team.

My take...well, I love throwing money at projects that anger Seattleites. So. I'm all for this. First rounder with no speed? I also approve of the needless upgrading of an adequate position.

(stern elbows him in ribs)


(ed note: last line delivered via press release)

On to round 2. The Seahawks finally took a tight end. A Notre Dame kid, John Carlson. The only highlights I saw were against Michigan State, so can we really gauge how good he is? Apparently he has problems with drops but has potential.

In Seattle? Potential? Laughable. Everyone knows the only true place for potential is Oklahoma City. You want to know why?

HA! Like I'd tell you. Paul Allen voted against my relocation scheme. I have nothing more to say to you guys. But, if you want, you can e-mail me.

(Stern gives angry glare)

On second thought...don't.

1 comment:

  1. Bennett rates somewhere below the rolled up ball of toilet paper stuck to the hairs of a still dirty crack!

    I just read on Komo, that Bennett's 19 year old boyfriend was elected mayor of some NE Oklahoma town. Must that state still belong in the United States?