Clay Bennett reacts to day one of the NFL Draft

Hello fellow Washingtonians! Clay Bennett here to give analysis of how the Seahawks did in the first round of the draft. Give me a little bit though, by good buddy David is here putting on my lea...um...coll....no, shit. Its a...uh...medal! That's it! Dave's giving me this medal for my amazing ability to recreate that one scene from Pulp Fiction. Not the quarter ponder in France one. You know what I'm talking about

(Stern giggles before yelling at black man for having tattoos)

Anyway, lets see what we got going on here. Traded down, eh? Made a trade with Dallas? You northwest guys just LOVE doing business with us from the south!

Lets see here, you ended up picking Lawrence Jackson. His scouting report says he lacks closing speed and struggles with double teams. Stop looking at me like that, Dave! He's not a tight end which was a need for the team.

My take...well, I love throwing money at projects that anger Seattleites. So. I'm all for this. First rounder with no speed? I also approve of the needless upgrading of an adequate position.

(stern elbows him in ribs)

I mean...KEY ARENA IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE NBA FACILITY.

(ed note: last line delivered via press release)

On to round 2. The Seahawks finally took a tight end. A Notre Dame kid, John Carlson. The only highlights I saw were against Michigan State, so can we really gauge how good he is? Apparently he has problems with drops but has potential.

In Seattle? Potential? Laughable. Everyone knows the only true place for potential is Oklahoma City. You want to know why?

HA! Like I'd tell you. Paul Allen voted against my relocation scheme. I have nothing more to say to you guys. But, if you want, you can e-mail me.

(Stern gives angry glare)

On second thought...don't.

Ichiro Suzuki Is Going to make Vick's Life a Nightmare

Ichiro Suzuki recently signed a five year extension with the Seattle Mariners. Why you might ask? Hargrove leaving? Team playing better? No. How about Fido...

Here's an excerpt from his press conference:

Did any one person influence you to stay in Seattle?Yes, my dog. He said "ruff, ruff, ruff." That means "stay, stay, stay."

Thanks to the fine folks at Enjoy the Enjoyment for posting the press conference.

So, what does that have to do with Michael Vick. Well, considering that Vicks getting his day in court tomorrow and Ichiro understands dogs...well, we have one boned Falcon on our hands.

We'd ask Noriaki Kinoshita to see, but his dog translating abilities have yet to be seen.

Now, its a federal case, so we may never know what Ichiro can tell the authorities. But rest assured, the testimony of those dogs will be heard.

Thanks Ichiro. Now, stop striking out/popping out with runners in scoring position.