Thursday, November 29, 2007

Wanna Win Some Free Seahawks Gear? (Fa Real.)

Hold on to your Chistmas lists and wallets, ladies and germs. 12 Seahawks Street is joining forces with Catalyst Public Relations to bring you a bunch of free stuff from Reebok's Zero Degrees line of NFL apparel.

This is not a joke.

You can check out some of the free stuff on ESPN's online store here. Alba and I have already received a sampling of some of the gear - the Reebok Men's NFL Centurion Midweight White Jacket you see pictured above. We've got one large and another XL for right now.

The only thing to figure out is how to make you earn it. Stay tuned.

Actual well-thought ideas taken in the comments.

[Special thanks to the egregiously-hot Robyn at Catalyst Public Relations. (At least she sounds sexy over the phone.)]

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Let the Derision Begin: Alexander Back in Practice

Last year we would have rejoiced at this topic. This year, I clutch my Seahawks Foam Head with trepidation. Seahawks Insider reports that Mike Holmgren intends to put Shaun Alexander back in the lineup against the Eagles this Sunday.

But this will be in a seriously reduced role, right? Not so fast. Holmgren also indicated that backup RB Mo Morris sprained his ankle last week against the Rams, and that may mean Shaun will be falling in front of defenders, swatting down passes, and blocking like a turnstile for most of the game.

Here we go again.

LATE UPDATE: Mo Morris practiced and may be available after all. Shaun is still wearing the %&#$ing cast.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Can you do better?

Seahawks vs Rams: I Laughed, I Cried

To borrow a sissified expletive from Mike Holmgren: My goodness. What a bizzarre game. Sloppy play and miscues kept Seattle running erratically like a nitrous-injected Yogo with sugar in the tank. Injuries and ineptitude kept St. Louis from sustaining anything outside of the errant gifts Seattle gave them, like a hobo winning a grand prize drawing for a Cadillac and immediately crashing it it into a highway divider.

At least the game was entertaining. How so?

Things that made me laugh.
  • Lofa Tatupu tackling Steven Jackson by the hair. That never gets old.
  • After Jackson's 53 yard touchdown romp, he awkwardly jumped up to perform the St. Loser version of the 'Lambeau Leap'. Since there was a high railing, he had to jump, grab and climb like he didn't belong in Shawshank. So a crowd mobbed him with love, right? Wrong. Let's just say there is one very happy dude in St. Loser that will have memories of Steven Jackson patty-cake coitus for the rest of his life.
  • A concussed Mark Bulger trying to force a shovel pass into a pile of linemen. Yes, I would say he is impaired at that point.
  • Gus Frerotte's face.

Things that made me say 'what the fuck?'

  • The rediculous blitzes coming after Hasselbeck, and the lack of running play calls to keep it honest. Really. If Holmie doesn't start calling more run plays, he'll be calling in a stretcher for Hass.
  • Claude Wroten grabbing Rob Sims' helmet by the face mask and throwing it 25 yards downfield -- without a penalty.
  • Rob Sims' cavalcade of missed assignments.
  • Nate Burelson's mishandling of near everything.
  • Josh Brown kicking like he's still full of turkey.

Things that made me cheer.

  • Seattle's defense continuing to make plays despite how the offense hung them out to dry for 35+ minutes.
  • Josh Wilson killing that kickoff return. Actually, I love the blocking on that play even more.
  • Leonard Weaver moving a pile for 4 yards. You know Holmgren will be calling that again soon. It's one of Mack Strong's old staples, but I don't recall Weaver getting the call. Hopefully we'll see more dives like this in his future.
  • Mo Morris breaking a big run. How long has it been since we've seen something like that? How long is my dick?

Thanks for reading. Good luck with the post-turkey-day-work-blues.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Reasons to Be Thankful - 2007 Edition

Since this is a Seahawks blog, and I'm an unabashed homer, you won't find the old faithful Health, Family and World Peace in the list below. Well, to be honest, George Bush is mainly to blame for the World Peace omission, but you get the point.

Anyhow, as I sit here trying to think of a new post to appease JoSCh, with my Seahawks 6-4 with a one game lead on the NFC West, here are the things for which I am thankful:

* The Seahawks are 6-4 with a one game lead in the NFC West (aren't you paying attention?)
* Mike Holmgren decided not to cut Leonard Weaver after a lackluster preseason
* DirecTV, Sunday NFL Ticket and SuperFan, even though my monthly TV expenses now exceed heating my house
* The fact that I fully expect the Seahawks to win every game they play
* Mike Holmgren finally realizing that a banged up Shaun Alexander is as useful as a knocked up hooker. (unless you're into that kind of thing)
* Darrel Jackson, Ken Hamlin, and Jerramy Stevens having the word Former- attached to their Seahawk tenure
* Attending my second game at Qwest field and being entertained by another Nate Burleson return for a TD while lambasting the Rams
* Tim Ruskell, Paul Allen and Mike Holmgren who have put this franchise on the map and built a perennial playoff contender
* Not having co-bags on the roster such as Adam Jones, Mike Vick or most any Bengal
* NFL Network, not only for the 24x7x365 football fix, but for Total Access and their mostly non-white hosting crew
* The friends I've made through this blog and at - making meeting strange men via the internet not such an icky thing
* ProFootballTalk, Kissing Suzy Kobler, With Leather, and icanhazcheeseburger, the other sites I visit religiously
* No longer having to apologize or explain why I've been a life-long fan of the Seahawks

That's all I got for now, feel free to add your own in the comments.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Will Dick Nolan Help His Son's Team From Beyond The Grave?

We here at 12 Seahawks Street revel in analyzing the obscure, going where no sane person dare to tread. This might mean telling you the truth about some sensitive matters, occasionally exploring the gayness of certain players, the fundamental stupidity of NFL managment, and even the crossing of Seahawks and spirituality.

Once again, as your trusted Seattle Seahawks spiritual advisor, we delve into the supernatural, bringing you hyper-glowing enlightenment, guaranteed to make your game bets safe*.

One item of note: 12 Seahawks Street is non-denominational, meaning everyone is right! Diverse views will be expressed, and, of course, they all will prove true.

On to the current topic: Will recently departed Dick Nolan wield his influence from the afterlife, affecting the outcome of 49ers @ Seahawks? Let's examine the issue from several theological angles:

Family Circusism

You know the story -- Billy's grandpa dies. His looming ghost does cute little things from heaven, and is readily involved in the day-to-day affairs of the family--especially the grandson, Jeffy. One problem with this scenario -- the deceased grandfather in The Family Circus appears, albeit in heaven, to be in the same old, gray, wretched condition that he was at the time of death.

This notion does not bode well for the Nolans, for the elder coach suffered late in life from Alhezeimer's. One could only imagine what dunderheaded meddling would occur if 'pops' decided to intervene tonight, given his condition. Causing fumbles on the wrong team, making the wrong guys trip--heck, he may not even recognize his son and strike him blind.

Expect a lot of sloppy play in this matchup.


The most awesome of all these thoelogies, Shazamism invloves the central character procuring super powers and existential wisdom from a bunch of Greek gods, and one dead Bible character named Solomon. He runs around with an old dude in a Winnebago and looks flashy by contrast.

How does this apply in this matchup? Look for Mike Nolan to seek guidance from his dead father, and get it. But don't be surprised if he fails at first, because there are lots of life lessons in this gig that he just has to learn from himself (all within 30 minutes, of course.) Not to mention the hedonistic influence of the rivals spirits -- those Greek gods were such selfish, manipulative pricks -- and likewise, I'm sure dead dudes like George Halas, Vince Lombardi, and Tom Landry will give the Nolans a wild ride.

Mike Nolan will be confused and pissed tonight, should this hold true.

God Healed My Footism

One of the more bothersome of the -isms, God Healed My Footism gathers complexity when the opponent has spirits on his side, too.

Take Shaun Alexander. God healed his foot last season, and he ran through Green Bay's defense on Monday night like they were cheese. And as long as Shaun has faith, high goals and works hard, there is no reason he shouldn't be able to rush for 2,000 yards and score 40 touchdowns this season.

This creates a huge obstacle for the 49ers - basically it forces Mike Nolan to have more faith than Alexander if he wants to have any hope of winning. And given his newfound incentive to believe in the afterlife, he may just do it.


Shaun Alexander has lost faith, and he is out for tonight's game with a knee injury.

Ohhhh... Shit.

Wonder Womanism

This one really has nothing to do with anything. I just found this bitchin' clip of some dude doing exactly what I wanted to do to Wonder Woman when I was seven years old. Pretty much all I knew about foreplay at the time. In fact, if any of the girls at school remember me, this was pretty much our regular routine at recess. Yes, I got sent to the office a lot.

Ahhh, the prepubescent boners of yesteryear...

Well, I hope I was a helpful guide. Enjoy the game.

*For entertainment purposes only. Do not place bets based on this information. That would be stupid.

ESPN Hates San Francisco @ Seattle

Part of my morning ritual these days, aside from checking my RSS feeds and taking a glorious dump, involves watching Mike and Mike in the Morning via PVR from ESPN2 HD -- At least the first hour, anyway, because that's where all the good stuff is, and then I head to work.

Part of the usual programming on Mondays is a shameless, elongated pimping of their MNF matchup, complete with the team's helmets in the desk, dominating the army of bobbleheads scattered in meaningless formation.

But GET THIS -- No helmets today. Not only that, but nary a mention of this week's prime time game. It's as if this game is so abysmal, so bothersome, that ESPN has refused to invest any resources beyond what is contractually obligated.

There was one mention, however -- muttered in a speedy undertone, Mike Greenberg read from an 8.5" x 11" sheet the time and place of tonights game, and then commented on the passing of Mike Nolan's father. So, I guess, in their defense, you can say they talked about tonight's MNF coverage for 30 seconds.

After all, don't we know, tonights's play-by-play will be centered around the passing of Dick Nolan? Every other sentence, as if there were no football game taking place.

Which leads me to another facet of this rant-- Who in the hell are they going to bring in for their "celebrity distraction" interview? No way in hell is anyone famous and worth a stool sample going to step in for a moment in the spotlight, because there is none. The ratings will be in the toilet. Who will want to fly all the way up to Alaska for a five minute fellation? Gary Coleman? Dick Van Patten? Hillary Clinton?

The truth is, none of them. My best guess, it will be a relative of the recently departed, and MNF will become the Dick Nolan Funeral Hour.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Prophecy and Blasphemy for the 49ers Game

1: The word of Bloof.
2: Hear this, ye old screaming fans, and give ear, all ye inhabitants of the hawks nest. Hath this been in your seasons, or even in the seasons of your fathers?
3: Tell ye your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children another generation.
4: That which Alexander hath left, Morris shall run; and that which LeRoy Hill hath left, Bentley will tackle; and that which the Holmgren hath left, Walrii shall gnash sardines.
5: Awake, ye drunkards, and weep; and howl, all ye drinkers of Bud; for it is not enough to help you forget.
6: For a lameass team is come up upon our stadium, weak, and with injuries, whose teeth are the teeth of an Englishman, and he hath the mouth parts of a great homosexual.
7: He hath laid our Kevin Bentley to waste, and rammed the ball through his pensive assignment: he hath made a driveway, and trodden through it; the tackles thereof have been ankle biters.
8: Lament like a virgin penetrated by the husband of her youth.
9: Be ye ashamed, O ye 12th man; howl, O ye bloggers, for the days of Knox; because the harvest of 2000 draft is perished.
10: The running back is dried up, and the offensive line languisheth; the great left tackle, the leader at center, and hall of fame fullback, even all the touchdown celebrations, are withered: because joy is withered away from the running game.
11: Gird yourselves, and lament, ye fans: howl, ye holders of the 12th man flag; come, lie all night in the parking lot, ye tailgaters of my team: for the meat offering and the drink offering is withholden from the house of Qwest.
12: Sanctify ye a fast, call a solemn assembly, gather the bloggers and all the forum dwellers of the land into the house of the 12th man, and cry aloud unto the field,
13: Alas for the day! for the day of the Seahawks is at hand, and as a destruction from the NFC West champs shall it come.
14: Is not the crimson and gold homosexuals cut off before our eyes, yea, joy and gladness from the house of our team?
15: The scrotum is rotten under their groin, their manhood is laid desolate, the fags are bewildered; for the penis is withered.
16: How do the 49ers groan! the quarterback is perplexed, because he has no clue; yea, the starting left tackle is injured.
17: The remaining left tackle of the field cry also unto thee: for he is a pussy, and he will be facing Tapp and Peterson.
18: Glory be unto our team. That is, of course, unless we have fourth and one.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Caution... Optimism ahead...

I have a pattern that I follow after a Seahawks loss. For the first day (usually a Monday), I am inconsolable. The sky is falling, the world is ending, and depression just runs rampant. Then, I look for that light of hope. That single ray of optimism that will light my way until the next weeks game. This week, I found… the schedule.

We know that the hawks are not an elite team the way they’re playing right now. We know that unless something kickstarts them, they are most likely looking at a division title, and an early exit from the playoffs. Some people are worried about the team and it’s record being subpar enough to cause a major rule change, eliminating the automatic playoff bid for division winners. After looking at the schedule for the rest of the regular season, this is not a worry I share.

Week 10 San Francisco at Seattle
Week 12 Seattle at Saint Louis
Week 14 Arizona at Seattle

These three games, division games, should be easy wins. The division is down. The teams, especially the teams below the Hawks, are weak. The only game that should cause any concern is the Arizona game, but that will be in the Q, and should feature either an injured Kurt Warner, or the Timmy combination of Rattay and Hasselbeck. I see 3 wins.

Week 16 Baltimore at Seattle

Our sole remaining game against the AFC. Again, at the Q, and if any of you watched MNF last night, we shouldn’t feel bad about losing 21-0 in Pittsburgh, when Baltimore is down 35 – 0 before the end of the first half. I don’t see Baltimore escaping the Emerald city with a win. That team is bad.

Week 11 Chicago at Seattle
Week 17 Seattle at Atlanta

These should be wins as well. Both of these teams have major issues at quarterback, both are very down in their division, both are more than beatable. Neither of these teams should be in any kind of playoff race, both should be jockeying for draft position. The Chicago game is something of a revenge game for the Hawks as a team, and the Atlanta game is something of a revenge game for the DB coach. Unless Seattle is comatose before the games, I see 2 wins here.

Week 13 Seattle at Philadelphia
Week 15 Seattle at Carolina

These are the two games that make me nervous. These teams are most likely both going to be involved in wild card/division title races. They’re both schizophrenic teams that will play very tough one week, and very poorly the next. Seahawk fans have been conditioned to think that teams like these will for some reason play their best against Seattle. The fact that both games are on the east coast doesn’t help much at all. I’m hoping for 1 win out of these 2 games.

Looking at these teams, considering these factors, hoping for the change in offensive philosophy by the Walrus, I don’t see Seattle doing worse than 11-5. Anything under 10-6 should be a supreme disappointment.

With that kind of streak (7-1 or at worst 6-2) going into the playoffs, with a home game to start… who know what can happen!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Five Questions for an Enemy Blogger: Brown Edition

Out of nowhere, I got an email last week from TheNaturalMevs who runs a Browns blog called TheNoseBleeds, wondering if I would be up for answering his Ten Questions regarding blogging and the upcoming game.

Being a well documented feedback whore, of course I obliged!

I then sent him an email describing the Five Questions for an Enemy Blogger series, and wondered if he would be so kind to reciprocate.

He was!

1. Cleveland gave up 20 points to the Rams, and 31 to the Dolphins, squeaking out victories against both winless squads. What changes do you expect your defense to make with a bonafide NFL offense comming to town?

At this point there is only so much the Browns can do,as it's more about personnel then the scheme when discussing the problem with this team's defense. D'Qwell Jackson is out this week and that hurts more than most people will realize. The problem mainly is that our defensive line fails to get pressure. If that unit was being graded in this league on terms of overall talent I think they'd be graded around D-minus talent there. Since we cannot penetrate and get pressure on the Quarterback, our secondary is being hit pretty hard with longer passes and we're once again atrocius to stopping the run. It's never been any different really since we came back into the league. Running backs have huge days against the Browns. Shaun Alexander vs. the run defense of the Browns is easily this game's most important matchup. If Alexander can have a day, the Seahawks offense will really flow through him and we'll have to outscore you guys to win.
In short, they're going to really key on Alexander as most teams do and make Hasselbeck beat them by also not allowing the big play, just intermediate and short.
Keep an eye on Kamerion Wimbley, our outside linebacker. He's having a sophomore slump thus far; so I could see him being a non-factor again.

2. With the emergence of Derek Anderson, I know you don't miss Charlie Frye, but tell me how much you miss having hard hitting safety Brian Russell roaming in the defensive backfield?

Yeah it's remarkable how much of a difference that Brian Russell made quietly here in Cleveland. I was excited about his replacement, Brodney Poole; but it's not the same. Poole has had to learn a new position and Russell was a seasoned veteran, the 'QB of this defense'. He brought a nasty and mean attitude and set the tone for the younger guys. It's funny because when he signed from Minnesota a few years back it was pretty ho-hum. When he was here he wasn't appreciated, and now finally that he is gone people are realizing what a good player he was. He's a poor man's John Lynch.

3. Jamal Lewis is having a down year, only having 443 on 94 carries for two TDs, as is Shaun Alexander, at 460 yards on 135 carres and two TDs. Which running back do you think will have a better day and why?

For the Browns recent fortunes at RB since 1999; this season is really being savored from Lewis. We've had only 1-1,000 yard back since the return. The buzz on having Lewis out there is very positive. He's running hard, he's worked his butt off and we finally have some semblance of a run game to hang our hat on.
This is a really tough question. I'm going to say Alexander has a nice day in Cleveland. He'll get 21-110 and TD. Lewis goes 18-76 and without a TD.

4. When Joe Jurevicus was with the Seahawks, we nicknamed him the "unlucky hooker", because the dude caught EVERYTHING! What do Cleveland fans call him?

Haha that's classic. We all call him "JJ". It's honestly been awesome having him in Cleveland. Amazing story a few years back in Sports Illustrated about Joe's return home. Turns out he visits the grave of his fallen son each morning before his way to work. The guy is an absolute gamer, leader, and probably has top-5 receiving hands in the league. He's a huge reason Braylon Edwards is evolving into a star. JJ is on of my favorite Browns of all time already. He's been to a superbowl everywhere he has been, so hopefully he can help the Browns follow suit.

5. Two seasons ago, Joey Porter was famous for calling out Seahawks TE Jerramy Stevens during Super Bowl week. Last season, he made headlines for refusing to shake Brown's TE Kellen Winslow Jr.'s hand. How great is it that the loud mouthed a-hole is stuck playing for the winless Dolphins?

Is there a bigger loud-mouthed, ghetto-gutter rat a-hole than Joey Porter? I can't believe I actually wanted the Browns to acquire this guy at one point to replace Andra Davis. If I was Joey Porter I think I'd change my ways quickly, although we all know that won't happen. It's all been downhill since that Superbowl win for him, and things probably will continue on that trend for the remainder of his career. His Pro-Bowl days are long past him I believe.

The REAL problem with Running Up the Score

Let’s face it. Many teams have run up the score. Even our beloved Hawks have been a little guilty of that at times. We’re always hoping that our team will “Hang 50 on ‘em”. The occasional embarrassment of one’s opponent is not something that is solely practiced in New England. The problem is the image that develops from this practice.

New England has long considered itself to be the class of the NFL. Stories of Tom Brady, Tedy Bruschi, Adam Vinatieri, and even turnaround stories like Corey Dillon’s have led the public to believe that this club was the model organization, a standard for which all other teams should strive. We’d hear occasional stories about Richard Seymour stepping on an opponents helmetless face, Rodney Harrison’s dirty hits, and Asante Samuel’s contract issues, and we’d push them aside. The good seemed to far outweigh the bad in Beantown. And that’s why it’s hard for us to accept this “class act” doing something as bush league as rubbing an opponents face in their shortcomings. It’s difficult to see and believe this dastardly act from the NFL’s Finest.

But we should have seen it coming.

In addition to the above issues, just this season the Patriots have drafted Brandon Meriweather, one of the main culprits in the Miami/Florida International brawl last season. Their best safety, Rodney Harrison, served a 4 game suspension for substance abuse. They signed proven malcontent Randy Moss, completely contradicting the “character first” mindset they claim. Their coach was involved in a video camera scandal, then claimed that it was a mistake, merely a different interpretation of the rules. And now, the Patriots are doing everything in their power to humiliate the rest of the league, as if the final scores will somehow vindicate them. They need to be stopped.

The only problem is that no team seems up to the task.