Friday, September 28, 2007

Seahawks vs. 49ers: Game Previews You'll Want To Read

This is a big game. The winner gets a formidable step up on the division, and there is a budding rivalry that smells like spite. Darrell Jackson has something to prove, Frank Gore is mouthing off, and Lofa Tatupu is looking to slam the door on his running lanes.

I'm white-knuckling already. I'm making my grocery list for the gameday feast, but I have a feeling that I won't have much of an appetite. This kind of competitive shit is as good as it gets.

Needless to say, I've been deeply interested in matchups and analysis this week--and there is some good stuff out there:

  • The best analysis of the bunch is over at Field Gulls. John Morgan hits heavily on the reason and history of the niners' recent offensive struggles, how Shaun Alexander may be a liability, and the best way to attack the existing personnell in the 3-4 alignment. A definite must-read. Then jump over and check out his Matchupalooza between Lofa Tatupu and Moran Norris.

  • The Examiner gives up Three Keys to Victory.

  • The 49ers Observer gives a fair overview, sort of a Seahawks 101.

  • makes this matchup their Feature Preview.

My two cents? With Alexander playing one-armed, the Seattle linebackers hyperfocusing on Gore, this is bound to be a low scoring affair. The difference of the game will be Seattle's secondary (especially Grant and Russell) keeping a solid grip of the 'niner's passing game, enabling the front seven to focus entirely on Gore. With the low score, Seattle's superior special teams will break the niner's backs. Seattle 20, San Francisco 16.

(Thanks to 2*2*2 at SeahawkBlue for the cool pic! Click on it for actual coolness.)

Praise Jesus, He's Healed

While spinal injuries and possible paralysis are no laughing matters, it kind of is when the newsroom video guy plays the wrong tape.

Hat tip: PFT

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Nate Clements Blogs on the Seahawks

Want a real, first-hand perspective on the upcoming Seahawks-Niners matchup? Check out Nate Clement's column. He's got several insights on how San Francisco plans to attack Seattle.

On Matt Hasselbeck:
Matt’s a very smart quarterback. He’ll definitely look you off. He knows where to go with the ball and he gets through his progressions and knows where all of his reads are. We’ve got to do a great job of disguising things and keeping him off balance. He also has enough foot speed when he gets going, so we’ve got to keep him there in the pocket and when the opportunity is there for a sack, we’ve got to take advantage of it.

On Shaun Alexander:
As for Shaun Alexander, he’s a talented back who we have to attack early. We can’t let him get in a rhythm either or get going because once he gets going it’s hard to stop him. We’ve got to keep pounding on him, and see if we can get him out of the game. You can shut him down for the first half and the third quarter but then he pops off a big run and then it’s just downhill, so we’ve got to play four quarters against him and keep attacking him every time he touches the ball.

On Deion Branch:
Deion Branch is more of a quick, shifty guy. He has very good speed, good hands. I was fortunate to play against Branch when I was with Buffalo and he was with New England. He’s kind of quick, shifty and has good foot speed and good hands. It’s hard to get your hands on someone like that because he’s always moving.

On other receivers:
Bobby Engram is crafty, and he knows how to get open. You know Burleson has speed, because he’s also their punt returner so he can take it the distance.... Seattle’s offense definitely goes to their tight ends and that’s something I’ve seen on film. They use all of their skill position players, so we’ve got to take away their wide receivers and then also focus on the tight ends and the running backs when they are hitting them for check downs.

In between and around, there is some generic coachspeak, but it is still an insightful read.

Seattle Seahawks and Jones Soda Introduce Mmmm, Sweat and Dirt Beverages

I just received a slightly bizarre press release. Enjoy.

SEATTLE--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Jones Soda Co. (the “Company” or “Jones Soda” or “Jones”) (NASDAQ:JSDA) (TSX VENTURE:JSD), announces today its limited edition Seahawks Collector Pack of five new football-inspired flavors which includes: Dirt Soda, Sports Cream Soda, Perspiration Soda, Natural Field Turf Soda, and Sweet Victory Soda.

“Throughout their career, the average NFL player will spend 2 years of their life in the gym, eat 3 pounds of dirt and perspire 10,000 gallons of sweat. These players must withstand incredibly tough conditions to be ready for every game, which is why we thought we’d bring the fans the full experience in a bottle,” says Peter van Stolk, President & C.E.O. “Now, you can enjoy all the sweat and dirt an NFL player experiences, along with the ultimate taste of Sweet Victory.”

The limited edition Seahawks Collector Pack will be available in select stores through the Jones Soda distributor network the week of September 30th. Each pack will retail at $19.99.

“This is certainly unique in the NFL,” said Seahawks CEO Tod Leiweke. “The flavors are distinct and pay tribute to the hard work and determination of our players.”

The Seahawks Collector Pack will also be available for pre-sale beginning on Thursday, September 27th at 8 a.m. (PST) on The pack will only be available in limited quantities, and on a first come, first served basis.

Wow. Part of me is thinking, "wow, cool. Gonna get me some for my Seahawks memorabilia collection."

Then part of me is just thinking, "ewwwww."

Talk about fearless marketing. That's pretty cool, anyway.

On second thought, think of all the sodas they could have produced:

Jock Strap Juice... Cleat-Taurus Cola... Tea Bag Tea... 49er Fudge Soda... Leinart Lube... Alexander's Holy Water... Tobeck's Infection... Tatu Poo... Long Snap Ale... Bad Call Brew... Gray's Anatomy Fluid... Knox Flavored Gelatin... Efren Herrera's Fake Daquiris...

I could do this all day, but I have work to do. It's your turn.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Tatupu, Peterson and Hill are Gonna Be On Frank Gore, Like (Something Something)

You know Lofa Tatupu and company have this Sunday's game circled on their calendar. Last season, Frank Gore trucked around the Seahawks for 416 total yards, and that didn't make anyone in Blue very happy.

Do you think they are gonna let that happen again? Not on their watch. The front seven will be coming at him without good intentions.

Like flies on shit.

Baaah, that's boring...

Like a hammer to a nail.

Like a pod of killer whales on a seal.


Like Rocky's fists on a side of beef.

WHOA! Wrong beef.

Like a fat guy on a booger.

Like a tazer on a pig.

Like Alba on positive feedback, Citizen K on an anagram. (NSFW!!! With the volume on, anyway.)

Wait, I said anagram.

Like a post thingy to a truck.


Knockout Pool: Week 4

Week 3 saw seven more contenders knocked out of the ring, when powerhouses like the Dolphins, Vikings, Redskins and Browns came up on the short end of the scoreboard. What the fuck were you guys thinking??!! (says the guy knocked out in Week 2!)

On the bright side, this is the first week that we didn't have someone DQed for not making their pick.

The field is down to 14 players now, so please remember to go to the 12SS Knockout Pool Home Page and make your pick before game time.

The NY Post Line below is provided to help you make your picks, but please remember that point spreads are not used in this pool.

(click image to enlarge)

12SS Knockout Pool Home Page

Pool Rules

Email The Commissioner


Number 8 (Miami)
GoCougs (Minnesota)
SLSPick (New Orleans)
Psychobabbler (Denver)
Team FR Week 3 (Cleveland)
hawksrfilthy Week 3 (Cleveland)
seahawkgz (Washington)

DeepSeaHawks (New Orleans)
watchdog (no selection)
Will He Stay Conscious? (New Orleans)
a schlub from the steel city (Cincinnati)
thebritisharecoming (no slection)
Ghost Rider (Cincinnati)
lil doc (Cincinnati)
DontSleep (no slection)
cheezewhizznv (Seattle)
b.c. hawk (no slection)
Slothful Pirates (Cincinnati)
boke's amazing picks (NY Giants)
Seahawk fan in NYC (Cincinnati)
Kenber (Carolina)
Vancouver Seahawk (Carolina)
Boozing in Boulder (Cincinnati)
I Win ECBR (no slection)
blacktie (no slection)
sa37hawk (Cincinnati)
alba (New Orleans)
Hawkcrazy (Philadelphia)
Go Big Red (Carolina)
2*2*2 (no slection)

SeaTown206 (no selection)
CitizenK (Kansas City)
Frank (Kansas City)
PaulieP (Oakland)
UK Sub (Jacksonville)
SimpleHawk (Buffalo)

Monday, September 24, 2007

Darryl Tapp Has Taken a Liking To...Oh, Dear God NO...

Yeah, he said it. That's his favorite TV show. Uuugghh....

You're not my son, Darryl. Not anymore. Unh-uh. No way. Mix in a western or something, and we'll talk. Heck, even a Jenna Jameson flick. But Gray's Anatomy? And you say it happily, in complete sentences.

Please tell me it's a joke, Darryl.

Chad Johnson Goes Home Without Kissin' My Cheerleaders

My heart swelled with enourmous pride on Sunday. The 12th man came with full force and gave the Bengals' offense more problems than they expected. Brian Russel and Deon Grant picked Carson Palmer clean. The run defense stopped the running back eight times for losses. And most importantly, Ocho Cinco came away with nada touchdown celebrations.

In case you missed it, Chad Johnson ran his mouth last week about his possible touchdown celebrations:

"You know what would be a good celebration? To do something using the cheerleaders in Seattle, just walk up and kiss one. I can't get fined (by the NFL) for kissing."

Now, I realize that none of the Seagals know I exist. But dammit! Those are my cheerleaders. Not to mention, I couldn't walk up and kiss one without getting arrested, so why should be able to?

I'd like to personally thank the Seahawks' defense for keeping Johnson out of the end zone. Because if he did this, I know I would have jumped the railing and cold-cocked the motherfucker. It would have been stupid, but I would have defended her honor; I would have gone to jail.

I know this doesn't make sense, but it's right. Right?

Week 3 lolhawks

Every week I like to take a few of the game images posted at the Seattle Times and turn them into lolhawks! Click the image to see my lolhawks caption, and then use the comments to provide your own.

Remember, you can use the link at the lower right index of this blog to create your own lolhawks, and submit them to me via email for posting.


Friday, September 21, 2007

The Super Bowl Match-Up That Wasn't

The year was 2005.

The 13-3 Seattle Seahawks had the best record in the NFC by two full games, and was an odds-on favorite to ride their home field advantage all the way to Super Bowl XL.

In the AFC, the playoff seeding was much tighter.

The 14-2 Colts earned home field by just a game over the 13-3 Broncos, however, each team's strength was the other team's weakness, so a SB berth was no gimme. The Wild Card teams, the 12-4 Jaguars and the 11-5 Steelers, each had as-good or better records than the other two division winners, the 11-5 Bengals and the 10-6 Patriots.

At the end of the regular season, many of the pundits were picking the Cincinnati Bengals to represent that AFC in SB XL, in a classic showdown of two of the league's most high-powered offenses. After the second play of Wild Card weekend, when the questionable low hit on Carson Palmer started the Cinderella Steeler's pumpkin-coach ride to Ford Field, any Super Bowl dreams for the Bengals were as hopeless and tattered as their quarterback's anterior cruciate ligament.

Fast forward two years.

The Seahawks no longer have as dominant an offensive line, a slate of new stars at receiver, but arguably a better defense. (last week's game notwithstanding). The offense for the Bengals is pretty much the same, having only lost the services of Chris Henry to Judge Judy, with most of the other suspended, incarcerated or otherwise former-Bengals represented on the defensive side of the ball.

But while the make up of the teams may be somewhat different, there's still a feeling of "what might have been" surrounding this game, if only to a few of us struggling for new content for our blog site.

What if Carson Palmer played the whole game against Pittsburgh?

Would it be he who was faced with the game saving tackle the following week in Indy? Or would the Bengals have ridden the emotional home win through Indy and Denver, and gotten to Detroit as so many had predicted?

If only it was Bill Levy whose knee got shredded and not Carson Palmer's, perhaps the memories of the 2005 would not be so bitter-sweet for most Seahawks fans.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

The Un-journalists!

Welcome to the first installment of The Un-journalists!. We Seahawks bloggers are so self-absorbed, we think you would be really, truly interested in what we have to say, especially of it is rolled up in five nice little topics and put in one post. This week, we talk about the current state of the Seahawks and a little Cincinatti Bengals drivel.

So, we have on our panel today:
  • Matt Ufford (aka Captain Caveman) of Kissing Suzy Kolber, With Leather; you'll see his name peppered on other sites as he condescends to contribute to them.
  • AlbaNYhawker (aka AlbaNYhawker, HHDreamyLoveSlave) of 12 Seahawks Street (please tell me you've heard of it.)
  • John Morgan (aka Panamanian Flüeger Toff) of Field Gulls, making way too much sense for me. Analysis for kings, I say.
  • Citizen K (aka Citizen K) of SeahawkBlue, bringing feindinsh anagrams and pop culture reference to the Seahawks masses, and personally responsible for making it stylish again to refer to oneself in the third person.

Now, be entertained....

After game one, Shaun Alexander received a game ball. In game two, he struggled. What are the Seahawks going to get from him this season, realistically?

MU: Two things: Jack and shit. I hate to say it, but SA has gotten slooooooow.

AH: A refund? Seriously though, I hate it when the blowhards in the mainstream media hammer on a point until it comes true, but it does appear that the over-30 Alexander is more susceptible to nagging injuries. I'm hoping that Jon Kitna stops hogging the hotline to God and shares the phone with Shaun so he can quickly shed the Cast of Righteousness. (insert TM symbol here with a hat tip to CitK) My gut feeling is that Shaun loves to prove people wrong, so even if he needs to do it on his knees with one arm, he's going to return to his 2005 form.

JM: People need to get over Shaun Alexander's past. Try this analogy: Sports fans are like Hugh Hefner, fresh talent is always coming in. Now it might not seem like not too long ago that Pamela Anderson was the hottest woman you'd ever seen, but age and overuse have left her a grotesque remnant of what she once was. All the nostalgia and collagen in the world aren't going to resurrect Pam circa `92. Meanwhile, the current crop of bunnies might not be knocking your socks off, but their younger and there's three of `em. Alexander still smells pay dirt like few in the NFL, but he shouldn't be getting carries just because you once soiled yer trousers watching him. Pick the field.

CK: Like ending A.C. Green’s virginal status, predicting Shaun Alexander’s performance is virtually impossible. However, there are a several events that will inevitably occur this season:

  • Sep. 23, Seattle: Frustrated by gaining only 20 yards in 15 carries, Shaun prays for Divine assistance. God hears and responds, adding 21 points to Seattle’s scoreboard tally, topping off every beverage container in the stadium, and replacing fans’ memories of Shaun dropping like Mel Gibson’s film career with a peppy musical montage featuring his best runs from 2002-2005.
  • Oct. 7, Pittsburgh: Shaun plays through the nagging throb of a butterfly bite which causes him to fumble twice in the first half, ending the day by romping 19 yards for the winning score. Later, he claims he was inspired to perform this feat by the sight of a mysterious small child smiling at him from the bench. Subsequent investigation reveals this “child” to have been Josh Wilson.
  • Nov. 25, St. Louis: Instead of heading out of bounds when faced with an onrushing defender, Shaun cuts back, traverses the field, and sprints 40 yards down the opposite sideline for the score. As he celebrates with teammates, his cleat clips a stray fleck of paint on the field, aggravating his still-healing foot. Writhing in pain, he seethes, “I knew I should have gone out of bounds!”
  • Dec. 30, Atlanta: The Seahawks rest their starters, having clinched their division and playoff position. The Falcons, secure in having earned the league’s worst record, do the same. Shaun, perceiving a potential stat bounty, begs his way into the game. Though the average Atlanta defensive lineman is roughly the size of the Jimmy Kimmel, Shaun—though rarely hit—repeatedly stumbles while crossing the line of scrimmage, ending the first half averaging 1.6 yards per carry. In the second half he manages to break a couple 20 yarders and score twice, but Seahawk fans still wonder what they’re going to get from him in the playoffs…

Imagine for a moment--you are a defensive back with the Seattle Seahawks. On Sunday, you will be covering Chad Johnson. Tell me how it's going to go.

MU: Look at me, I'm Marcus Trufant!

AH: It'll be fine because I got a shipment from Balco and have spent all this week rubbing a clear substance on Patrick Kerney while he was sleeping (just ask that chick who was his house guest...that dude can sleep through ANYTHING!) and have replaced Lofa's tub of macadamia nut butter with 'the cream.' With the 'enhanced' pressure being applied by the two stars of the front seven, Carson Palmer shouldn't have time to find his favorite targets down field. Just for safety sake though, I've rubbed a little BenGay on my neck so as not to strain it whipping around to watch those guys catch the long ball.

JM: Like a trip to the bar with Ray Lewis: Long, deadly and ending in an acquittal. Seriously though, it's more about the pass rush. Marcus Trufant and Kelly Jennings aren't bad DBs, per se, but no one can cover the clown prince of the NFL forever, given time he can burn about anyone. The Hawks can't double him with a safety because then Jennings will get steamrolled by T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Simply, Seattle needs to get men in the Bengals' backfield. Turn Palmer's pocket into Fire Island and you won't have to worry about Chad Johnson.

CK: “Steady, stay with him. Here comes the pass—high, gotta hop for it, and—ooff, he kneed me in the kidney!”

(Next play)

“He’s mine this time… OK, I’m next to him, hands up, eyes on the ball, I’ll just jump and—ugggh, cleat to the clavicle!”

(Next play)”

That last one was wack; he’s going down… Side by side, zig left, zag right—yeah, I’m still here—OK, ball’s in the air…timing my leap, and—holy crap, his toes cleared my noggin by a good nine centimeters!”

(Next play)

”Never again, Manute, never again… Whoa, crap, quick slant—stay on your toes, lean forward, good balance, hands ready, reach for him— and ‘GRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNN -- RRRRRRRRRNNNNNNMMMM!’”

(“Aaah, my leg!—he’s got a chainsaw!”)

Ok, now you get to play GM. Who would you rather have as your quarterback--Carson Palmer or Matt Hasselbeck?

MU: This might be one of the more retarded questions of all time. Hass is a very good QB, but Palmer's one of the best in the NFL and several years younger. Anyone who doesn't vote for Palmer here is either related to Hass or hates delicious wieners.

AH: With apologies to Matt, I'd take Carson, if for no other reason than the fact that Coach Holmgren sported Sequoia-type wood when discussing the tightness and beauty of Palmer's balls during Monday's press conference.

JM: Well, shoot, Palmer is younger and more talented, but it wouldn't be fun to watch the next two seasons as his psyche is systematically crushed and reformed by the Walrus. I guess you have to figure Hasselbeck gives the Hawks the best chance to win now, so though Beck isn't too far removed from "We want the ball and we're gonna score" I guess I'll stick with the aerodynamic one.

CK: Unfortunately, due to my pathetic ignorance of Carson Palmer’s abilities I’m less qualified to answer this question than Pope Benedict XVI is to write and produce the next Hilary Duff CD. So I will use anagrams to reveal the QBs’ hidden character traits, and thus decide who would be the superior choice to lead my team.

  • Carson Palmer: porn caramels, cornmeal raps, Roman scalper, acorn sampler, clam son raper.
  • Matthew Hasselbeck: becalms hawks teeth, melts the backwash, eschews bathmat elk, wetbacks leash them, tamest beach whelks.
So the anagrams tell us that—all other things being equal—on a carefree seaside excursion, Hasselbeck would frolic with friendly whelks, while Carson Palmer would sexually assault young, male clams? I believe the answer is clear: Car—no, wait, Matt Hasselbeck.

The NFC West appears to be catching up. Is the window closing on the Seahawks?

MU: Yes.

AH: You know what they say in Seattle, "when one window's probably raining on that side of the house!" Even without discussing the improvement (or lack thereof in St. Louis) of the rest of the division, objective Seahawks fans should acknowledge that the window keeps closing as the Big Three of Walt, Matt and Shaun get older. None of these guys have an heir-apparent on the current roster, and if any of them misses significant playing time, our season will be toast. That said, I have faith in the new front office and GM, and don't see the Seahawks falling to the bottom of the division before they're re-tooled to make another championship run.

JM: Two part question. First I don't buy that the NFC West is catching up. Whatever small improvement that has been attained by the Cards and Niners is more than balanced by the suckhole that is the Pace-less Rams. Seriously, what does Alex Smith have to do to convince people he sucks? Fail to palm an Ikea meatball?

The Hawks window for Super Bowl contention is definitely closing. Beyond big Walt and Hasselbeck, the Hawks lack replacements for Rocky Bernard and Julian Peterson, too. I wouldn't sweat it; the Hawks are at least two years from really dropping off and almost every team in the NFL runs a boom and bust cycle. Tim Ruskell is a savvy cap manager and excellent talent scout, he could definitely reload this team before the wheels come off. Wait, that's not funny is it? Uh...Purple Monkey Dishwasher.

CK: The myopic idealist in me believes Seattle’s window is still open wider than Michael Moore’s cummerbund. In reality, however, that window is primarily being propped open by the crumbling cudgels of Walter Jones. When Jones switches to a new career (Announcer: “On MTV’s next episode of ‘Jonz’d!’”... Zach Braff: “Hey, I parked my 1998 Escalade right here—but now it’s on top of Mount St. Helens?!” Walter Jones: “LOL, dude, you’ve been ‘Jonz’d!’”) the Hawks, unless they break out the poison pills, will soon undergo a period of Dave Attell-level mediocrity until they draft, trade for, or clone a replacement for Big Walt.

Prediction time: What is the outcome of Cincinatti vs. Seattle?

MU: I always think the Seahawks will lose every game. It better prepares me for the trauma of losses, and it makes for a lovely surprise if they win.

AH: I predict the Seahawks get off to a quick start and score on their first drive. I predict that Chad Johnson scores at least one touchdown and does a celebration with a specific Seattle flair. I predict that Shaun Alexander breaks the century mark, both in terms of yards gained and career touchdowns as a Seahawk. I predict the home team shall be victorious, by a score of 37 - 31.

JM:This is overly optimistic, but so be it. 31-17 Seattle.

CK: You’re asking me to choose a winner? My pick-em skills are about on par with Steve Irwin’s talent for dodging stingrays. Luckily, I possess the modern version of the Ouija board, my daughter’s Magic 8-ball ripoff, “Pirates of the Caribbean” Magic Skull. Let’s find out what the swashbuckling soothsayer inside this trinket knows about NFL football…

Cap’n Crani’m, will Shaun Alexander, during any carry, propel himself more towards the end zone than the sideline?

--- “Aye, matey!”

Sounds promising! Will the Seahawks’ pass rush actually reach the quarterback?

--- “Arrr, Kerney be me first mate, and Tapp, me booty. Aye, they’ll knock Palmer on his seat so often he’ll wish he had the cushy tush of Kim Kardashian.”

(Don’t we all.) Will the Hawk defense shut down the Bengals’ passing game?

--- “Arrr, not bloody likely!”

Hmmm, well, will Chad Johnson catch any passes?

--- “Be Kelly Jennings in ye lineup?”

Uh, most likely.

--- “Aye then, matey! But only throws higher than six feet in ye air.”

Ouch. How about a final score?

--- “Tharrrrrrty-four to tharrrrrrrrty, Searrrrrrrrrtle.”

Hey Chad, Here's Some Ideas for Sunday

Given the fact that the Bengals put up 48 points in a losing effort last week, and that the Seattle cornerbacks look like stunt doubles for Pappa Smurf, you know Chad Johnson is going to find the Qwest field endzone at some point on Sunday.

This season, Chad seems to crafting his touchdown celebrations specific to each game opponent, donning a Future HoF jacket in front of first ballot lock Ray Lewis, and courageously jumping into the famed Cleveland Dawg Pound, I got to thinking about what he should do that's uniquely "Seattle" when he hits pay dirt this weekend.

So here are the Top 10 "Uniquely Seattle" TD Celebration ideas for Chad:

10) Break out a pair of radio-host head phones and yell "Hello Seattle, I'm Listening"
9) Pour three shots of tequila and look around for Jerramy Stevens and K-Rob
8) Get a piggy back ride from an stereotypically dressed homosexual and hold a sign that says "Riding the Fauntleroy Ferry!"
7) Rip off the name on the back of his jersey to reveal "eighty five" written out in in Mandarin Chinese
6) Fire up a Les Paul electric guitar, pluck out a few bars of the acid rock version of the national anthem with his teeth, and then set fire to it
5) Put on a parka, snow shoes and hold up a sign that says "Welcome to South Alaska"
4) Pop open a laptop and hold a sign asking Paul Allen with some help installing Windows Vista (this of course will cause another missed extra point, but the Microsoft Co-Founder would recommend they reboot it!)
3) Run over to a Starbucks barista on the sidelines and order a double-shot non-fat hot mocha latte with extra froth and a scone.
2) Pull out an umbrella and dance Gene Kelly-like as his good friend Pacman Jones tosses hefty bags full of $1 bills into the air, "making it rain"
1) Catch a 30 pound mackerel thrown by the Pikes Market Fish Mongers sitting in the front row

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Genocide, Suicide and Bengalcide

Week Two saw the ouster of over half of the 12SS Survival Pool.

Seven were by Suicide (failure to submit a pick) and the remaining Genocide that claimed 16 contestants, included seven that succumbed to Bengalcide, as Cleveland outgunned Cincinnati at the "OH" Corral.

(NOTE: medical examiners are still investigating whether Boke's pick of the Giants should be listed as a suicide!)

Just to remind everyone, I'm the guy who posts pictures of hot chicks in boxing gloves, not your mother, so don't wait for me to chase you down to get your picks in, especially since Drew Brees and the Saints got my ass kicked out of this pool.

The NY Post Line below is provided to help you make your picks, but please remember that point spreads are not used in this pool.

(click image to enlarge)

12SS Knockout Pool Home Page

Pool Rules

Email The Commissioner


DeepSeaHawks (New Orleans)
watchdog (no selection)
Will He Stay Conscious? (New Orleans)
a schlub from the steel city (Cincinnati)
thebritisharecoming (no slection)
Ghost Rider (Cincinnati)
lil doc (Cincinnati)
DontSleep (no slection)
cheezewhizznv (Seattle)
b.c. hawk (no slection)
Slothful Pirates (Cincinnati)
boke's amazing picks (NY Giants)
Seahawk fan in NYC (Cincinnati)
Kenber (Carolina)
Vancouver Seahawk (Carolina)
Boozing in Boulder (Cincinnati)
I Win ECBR (no slection)
blacktie (no slection)
sa37hawk (Cincinnati)
alba (New Orleans)
Hawkcrazy (Philadelphia)
Go Big Red (Carolina)
2*2*2 (no slection)

SeaTown206 (no selection)
CitizenK (Kansas City)
Frank (Kansas City)
PaulieP (Oakland)
UK Sub (Jacksonville)
SimpleHawk (Buffalo)

Big-Play Babs is a Keeper, Gets a New Deal

This is good to hear. Babinaux is more than just a backup DB. He can play any position in the backfield, and can line up against larger receivers that Jennings and Wilson might struggle with.

Not to mention, he's just a pure football player, making plays when he's needed the most.

John Clayton brings us the news:

The Seahawks rewarded versatile defensive back Jordan Babineaux on Tuesday by giving him a five-year extension worth $10 million. There are enough incentives and escalators in the deal that could make it worth as much as $17 million.

Included in the deal is $3 million of guarantees. Babineaux, who was set to become a free agent after the season, is now signed through 2012.

The 25-year-old Babineaux has been one of the Seahawks' key targets to re-sign since the start of the season.

What a good time to play this old clip again, eh? On the stat sheet, this was just a tackle. But in our hearts, this was a franchise-defining moment.

And in the wake of Sunday's fake audible from hell, it's good to remember.

Monday, September 17, 2007

What I Learned From... Pissing Away a Win

I'm calm enough to write something now.


I'm pretty much a day behind in all the post game write ups anyway, and by now everyone knows that Shaun Alexander (and a couple of other players) thought Matt Hasselbeck called an audible on their last offensive play, resulting in a botched handoff and hundreds of thousands of Seahawks fans cursing at their TV. But I have some of my usual crap that no one else seems to be writing about.

What did I learn?
  • Don't bother with all the fancy-schmancy faking of audibles when all we need to do is run out the clock and make a field goal. Really. And why are we handing the ball to a guy with a cast on one hand in the final seconds of the game anyway?
  • LeRoy Hill adds a ton of physicality to the defense that Kevin Bentley does not. Bentley is a walking, talking weak spot.
  • We really do need Mo Morris. Alexander is scary this year, but not in a good way. More like a, 'hmmm, is he going to be with us or not' way.
  • Losing to the Cards by self-destruction is a bit like rubbing your scrotum with a cheese grater and sitting in a bowl of lemon juice in front of a crowd.
  • Rob Sims quietly had a great game.
  • Kelly Jennings' size (or lack thereof) is a massive liability in single coverage.
  • This offense has got to stop hanging the defense out to dry in the first half.

Nope, still pissed. Time to take it out on the Bengals. Ocho Cinco, where art thou?

Saturday, September 15, 2007

W2: Seahawks @ Cardinals GameDay Thread

Welcome to Week Two of the 2007 National Football League schedule, where the Seattle Seahawks look to separate themselves from the rest of the NFC West in their first road game at Arizona. Should the Seahawks play as expected, they'll end the day 2-0 with one divisional win. And should the Rams take care of the 49ers, again as expected, the Seahawks will enjoy a 1 game lead over the 9ers and Rams, and a 2 game lead on the media darling Cardinals.

Stuck by your computer today? Check out the SeahawkBlue Game Day Chat, and these links below. Feel free to add links to this list as the local papers publish their game day stories.

(ironically, the folks in that picture won't be home on their computer, but actually be in attendance at the Pink Taco.)

Five Questions on AOL Fanhouse

Lamest Smack Forum Ever

12SS Knockout Pool

Five Questions For an Enemy Blogger

I was very happy to get an email from Dan Benton from the AOL Fanhouse, who was interested in resurrecting the Five Questions for an Enemy Blogger schtick from last season. This is where we each come up with five questions for the other about the upcoming matchup, and they post each other's responses on our respective blog sites.

But before we get to that, my co-Streeter Bloof wants me to remind everyone that the Five Questions bit was actually a brain child of Bloof's and it was Bloof who posted the first Five Questions piece while Bloof was blogging for AOL too. (I'm just playing with ya Bloof, but I hope five Bloofs is enough credit for your Mr. Incredible sized ego!)

Now, back to the Five Questions for Dan Benton, who I tried to bait with these questions, but who apparently decided to take the high road instead. Anyone wanting to read some good smack can check out my responses to Dan's five questions at the AOL Fanhouse. (I'd also like to thank Alan for providing awesome question #5.)

1.It seems like every year the Cardinals are the pre-season sweethearts of the media pundits, but by the bye week, the team is usually postioning itself for a high draft pick. Does all this pre-season hype make the mid-season disappointment more depressing for Arizona fans, or do you live for August, when your team is the talk of the town?

DAN BENTON: I tend to think the Cowboys and Redskins are the preseason sweethearts of the media, but I get your point. Look at it this way. For every year that the Cardinals disappoint, it will make a championship that much sweeter. I'm sure you understand that concept. While the Seahawks may play a game or two a year more than Arizona, the outcome is generally the same.

2. Last week the fast and aggressive Seahawk defense knocked Cadillac Williams out of the game, and hit Jeff Garcia so hard it cured his lisp. Is it true that Matt Lienart and Edgerrin James were lobbying the team to change it's feathered logo to the AFLAC duck?

DB: Cured Garcia's lisp? You're usually so careful with your words, but you left that wide open. In fact, there are so many directions I could go with that, it's caused a mental road block. My goodness.

3. The two biggest off season acquisitions for your team were new head coach Ken Wisenhunt and asst. head coach Russ Grimm. Honestly, doesn't one guy's last name just make you giggle, and the other one seem to be a bellweather for your team's playoff chances?

DB: As funny as that may be, it's the best coaching staff Arizona has had in quite some time. While it didn't look pretty last week, we'll see how long it is before everything in Phoenix is clicking and the Cardinals become the team to beat.

4. Your stadium, which holds 63,400, narrowly avoided a rather unsavory and laughable name when the University of Phoenix Stadium stepped in its sponsor, while Matt Lienart has been romantically linked to celebrity socialite Paris Hilton. Can you tell me which Pink Taco holds the record for the number of men to pass through its tunnels?

DB: Unsavory and laughable? Well, I guess it would have been laughable, but I was all for it. I, for one, truly wanted it to be Pink Taco Stadium -- can't get more original than that.

5. I was just wondering, just one more time for shits and giggles, can you clarify just who the Bears are?

DB: The Bears are who we thought they were. And we let them off the hook!

While I truly appreciate Dan's responses, and rabid Cardinal fans are welcome to use the Comments section to provide your own responses with a higher smack content!

Friday, September 14, 2007

Who's Ready for Some Football?

Hat tip: Psychobabbler over at

The Arizona Cardinals Are Mentally Fragile

Put yourselves in the shoes of the Arizona Cardinals for a minute:

It's the day after game one of the regular season. just like every team in the NFL, you have a chance to win it all, with 15 more important games ahead of you. You're hungry for success, having acquired lots of talent from high draft picks after lousy seasons, and made some noise with agressive moves in free agency.

This could be the year-- the talent is in place. All you need to do is keep improving, work hard in the film room and practice hard on the field.

You started the season with a key divisional matchup, and lost by a narrow margin. Fundamentally, there were some good things, like a solid running game, some tough tackling, etc..

But next, you face the reigning division champs, the Seattle Seahawks. They are a balanced, well coached, talented team. If you want to beat them, you need to correct some mistakes, right? You need to get better, if you want to have any chance of winning the division, right? The Seahawks are watching film, seeing where they can improve--they will be improving, will you?

It all makes perfect sense. They were pretty close last week to being a leg up on San Francisco (whom many favor to take the NFC West crown), and would have been tied for the division lead with Seattle, heading into the this week's game. They were that close.

But what do we hear coming out of Tempe? A weak bunch of mentally fragile pussies who can't bear to look at the film.

WR Larry Fitgerald:
"We didn't even watch the tape. We want to put that one behind us as fast as possible."

What a bunch of candy-assed douchebags. They are so emotionally downtrodden from losing their first game of the season their solution is to deny it ever existed. Well, guess what? Without watching film, you are who you think you are. And now you let yourself off the hook. No accountablity whatsoever.

It's no wonder Seattle was won more playoff games in one season than they have in their entire 48 years of existence.

To quote JoSCh, "pphhhfffftt."

Found on Talkin' Hawks

Great Quote

Micheal Silver actually made a funny:

"Hey, Lofa Tatupu, can Jon Gruden please have your insurance information, since you just wrecked his Cadillac?"

Thanks to Yahoo! Sports

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Seahawks' Defense Gets Upgrades, Tunes Up, Kicks A$$

Like adding high-perfomance parts to a sweet hot rod, Tim Ruskell has been busily upgrading components to the Seahawks' defense. And last Sunday, when defensive coordinator John Marshall finally got to turn the key and fire this baby up, he began making adjustments and tuning this machine into a synchronized force.

What kind of adjustments did Marshall make? While it is noteworthy that the players stayed very agressive throughout the game--hitting hard and attacking the quarterback--there were some significant adjustments to the strategy Marshall employed.

The best way I can describe it is in phases:
  • Phase I - Blitz. It was fun to see all seven of the defensive front running after Carrot Top in a blind rage, but it was the least successful part of the game plan with Tampa netting drives of 20 (shortened by a fumble), 55 (field goal) and 79 (field goal) yards. To his credit, Garcia took the hits on the blitzes and found his receivers, including Galloway for a 49 yard bomb. When they did not blitz, the offense generally stalled. Which is probably why Marshall altered his defensive calls.

  • Phase II - Fearsome Foursome. Having less success on blitz plays, Marshall changed things for the second quarter. Sending just four down linemen against Garcia proved to be just as much pressure as blitzing - and dropping linebackers into coverage gave him no quick options to bail out to. He began hesitating, looking for receivers, and then looking for receivers on the run. This effective balance between pass rush and coverage resulted in failed drives of 24 (punt), -3 (punt), and 31 (end of half) yards.

  • Phase III - Pounding into submission. This was the most fun part of the game for me to watch. By the time the third quarter started, the defense settled into their strategy, got progressively more comfortable with their assignments, and began hitting ball carriers with reckless abandon. It has been years, maybe even going back into the eighties, since I have seen a Seahawks defense play with that kind of physical agression. Massively hard hits to Cadillac and Carrot Top sent them to the sidelines, snuffing out the offense like a Kevorkian patient.
    I sort of enjoyed Williams' reponse, via Bucs Beat:
    ""It was a tough blow," Williams said. "Initially, my thought laying on the ground was, "Oh, man, I've broken my ribs.""....

    "Williams said he had difficulty breathing and sleeping Sunday and Monday and struggled to get out of bed....

    ""Monday morning, it was like I could barely breathe or cough or make a certain movement," Williams said."
    'Nuff said. For this phase, the Bucs managed drives of 4, 0, 19, and 8 yards, all resulting in punts.

  • Phase IV - Clock Killer. Usually you hear of winding down the clock with the offense, but the Seahawks brilliantly accomplished this with the other squad. The Bucs found themselves down by 14 halfway through the fourth quarter, and out comes the full-panic pass attack. It would have appeared that the Seahawks let up as the Bucs gained 56 yards in nine plays, but something different was at work here. (1) The deep ball was completely covered, (2) Garcia was still short on time in the pocket, and (3) the Seahawks allowed them to complete short little passes, and nothing more, which kept the clock running. This ate 4:17 off the clock until Tatupu punched the ball loose and Jennings recovered. It was the last time Tampa got their hands on the ball. All the while, Seattle's defense was in complete control, just giving out enough rope for them to hang themselves.

It's been a long time since I've been this impressed with a Seahawks defense. Clearly, the linebackers are more comfortable with the secondary behind them, and can just go full throttle without hesitation. No longer do we nee safeties way out of place -- even on a reverse, they are right there on assignment.

This season is gonna be good.