How Do You Know When Devon Boddie Is Lying?

There's an old joke that goes "how can you tell when a car salesman is lying?"

The punchline: "His lips are moving!"

Watching the video on WAVY.com of Michael Vick's cousin try and defend himself and his peeps, that old joke can be paraphrased as "How can you tell when Davon Boddie is lying....he sways from side to side!"

Even after being asked to stand still for the camera, Mr. Boddie spends the next 10 minutes or so saying "it is what it is" about 100 times and swaying worse than the cast of Pirates of the Carri bean.

Unfortunately, in this country, where you're supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, once you or someone on your behalf jumps in front of a camera and start denying stuff, you automatically appear guilty as sin.

Couple this video with the reports on PFT that the Feds have found dog remains on the property, Ron Mexico may be the next big name player to get the business end of Richie Cunningham's new personal conduct policy.

Of course, it could all be an intricate conspiracy cooked up by the Federal government against this apparent druggie and lowlife piece of trash, because we all know how the Government likes to go after cousins of famous people.

Hey, aren't Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie cousins?

See what I mean!

Tank Johnson Responds to NFL Suspension

In the wake of the eight-game suspension handed down today by NFL Commissioner Richie Cunningham, the defensive tackle formerly known as Tank Johnson responded with an action surely to indicate his desire to rehabilitate.

In order to distance himself from being associated with guns and ammunitions, he will no longer go by the name Tank, and instead has changed his first name to LoveBug.

"Tanks" he explained, "are big armored vehicles used by the military to kill people and destroy the villages of innocent civilians." While that name helped me establish myself as a bad-ass negroe who destroys the villiages of innocent opponents on gameday, pretty soon you start believing your own shit, and you wind up with a kitchen full of weapons and ammunition sitting on the breakfast table along with your daughter and her bowl of Fruit Loops."

Expounding on his plan, "From this day forward, I want to be known as LoveBug, since my little girl and I split a case of Twinkies and watched that movie when I got home from prison." (Noting that he had to lie on my stomach on the couch, since it still hurts a little when he sits down) "I still plan on being a human wrecking crew on Sundays, but I was looking at that little car, and figured if folks could start associating me with "Herbie" instead of handguns, it would go a long way toward re-making my image. Besides, that Buddy Hackett looks a lot like that guy from the prison laundry that I ass-raped in the shower the night before being released."

Pointing out that similar to Adam Jones, LoveBug had publicly stated to accept the Commissioner Cunninghams punishment without appeal, Mr. Johnson was asked if he stood by his pre-sentencing comments. "Shit yea, I'm sticking to my guns...ummm...planning to stand by my word. Don't you know that I'm not only committed to rehabilitating myself, but have a goal of being named the NFL Man of The Year someday."

Asked if he decided to maintain his surname of Johnson, to avoid a similar Jerry Porter-like law suit over unsold products bearing his name and number, LoveBug just snickered and said, "shit man, after spending 2 months in the big house, ain't nobody buying my jerseys anyhow.", the double-negative adeptly used since inner city youth have been snapping up the #99 Bears jerseys since his conviction. "No" he continued, "I decided to keep the last name of Johnson so I could have something else to change a few months down the road, you know, in case it turns out that I'm still just a enormous prick!"

Video Clip Classic, Vol 1: Jim Everett vs. Jim Rome

I saw this once, back in the day, and thought it was great. Now, thanks to Youtube, we get to see it all over again.



The year was 1994, when Jim Everett played quarterback for the Lambs. It became increasingly obvious to scouts and fans that Everett was gradually becoming afraid of contact, and it affected his play. Jim Rome noted this, and subsequently referred to Everett as "Chris" (after tennis player Chris Evert), effectively calling him a woman.

In this clip, Everett puts an end to it. In case you haven't seen it, I won't spoil it for you.

To this day, Rome refuses to talk about the confrontation, only referring in passing to "the incident."

Back then, I just thought Jim Rome was a punk ass with an attitude that was much more smug than necessary. Now I just think Jim Rome is a punk ass with an attitude that is much more smug than necessary.

Oh, well. At least it's entertaining.

Chad Johnson's New Moniker: Oso Cheapo!

First there was the issue of sticking Sean Peyton with the $1,600 bill for 10 tickets to the Bengals/Saints game, the the hosting coach was good enough to procure for the visiting egomaniac.

Now comes word from WLWT TV5 in Kentucky that Chad Johnson could be the most recent Bengal to turn in his orange striped jersey for well, an orange striped jumpsuit.

Seems the effervescent receiver and a local comedy club called the Funny Bone were in cahoots on a raffle which supposedly included as prizes: tickets to the Pro Bowl, the Super Bowl and a Lexus.

Funny thing is though, it appears that no prizes were ever awarded. And those who were sucked in by the blond-mohawked one are none-too-happy about getting scalped.

Memo to Chad: when it comes to your fans, there's nothing to Funny about them getting Boned.

Oh yeah, and NFL Commissioner Richie Cunningham already has the Bengal's front office on speed-dial, so you might want to start packing for your trip to New York.

This Dude Should Change From Gay

What's in a name?

It depends. In the fabled song A Boy Named Sue, the central character grows up with an effeminate monniker, and grows up tough as nails because of it.

But this is different. This dude is Gay. With a capital 'G'. And I get to giggling like an orgasmic dolphin when he makes headlines on ESPN.

Len Pasquarelli just posted an article with several insufferable phrases:

"the Patriots made Gay three months ago"

"Having Gay healthy again"

"New York Jets brought Gay in for a visit last month"

"the Patriots gained Gay's exclusive rights"

"Gay is expected to compete for a nickel"

Yeah, I need to grow up. So does everyone else that gives him a rash of shit every day for it. But why not change it? In a different age, that name had a different meaning. Now it means something else entirely. If he wants to keep his family legacy, he should change his name to any of a number of synonyms. Mirthful would do. Festive or frivolous has a ring to it. Joyful or bouncy brings a smile.

But Gay? Why keep Gay? His great-great grandparents would be horrified.