Thursday, August 28, 2008

You Wanna Bet?

Thanks to a little pseudo-spam message through our feedback link, we discovered we have friends at who have provided us the Odds and Lines for the Seahawks this season. (I'm sure the families of Courtney Taylor and John Carlson are so proud that their boys have made the bigtime by having prop bets in their names!)

Odds to win the 2009 Super Bowl XLIII
Seattle Seahawks 25/1

Odds to win the 2008 NFC Championship
Seattle Seahawks 9/1

Odds to win the NFC West Division
Seattle Seahawks 4/5

Seattle Seahawks Regular Season Wins *
Over 8.5 -170
Under 8.5 +140

Seattle Seahawks Regular Season Home Wins
Over 6 -130
Under 6 Even

Seattle Seahawks Regular Season Away Wins
Over 3 -165
Under 3 +135

What will Mike Holmgren be doing in week 1 of the 2009 NFL season
Out of football 3/1
Media 11/4
Coaching in NFL 4/1
GM in NFL 5/2
Coach/GM in NFL 11/4

Matt Hasselbeck Passing Yards
Over/Under 3740

Matt Hasselbeck Passing Touchdowns
Over/Under 23.5

Julius Jones Rushing Yards
Over/Under 840

Julius Jones total Touchdowns
Over/Under 4

Maurice Morris Rushing Yards
Over/Under 400

Nate Burleson Receiving Yards
Over/Under 870

Nate Burleson Touchdowns
Over/Under 7

Courtney Taylor Receiving Yards
Over/Under 460

John Carlson Receiving Yards
Over/Under 325

Patrick Kerney Sacks
Over/Under 10

Julian Peterson Sacks
Over/Under 9
* Since I'm not a betting man, anyone who would like to explain what the +140 and - 170 mean in the Comments section, I would apprecitate it.

I Was Busy on Tuesday

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

LolHawks: Preseason vs San Diego

I'm no Alba, but he's my attempt at loling the Seahawks game against the Chargers.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Who should hold Hass's clipboard?

This is the greatest theoretical trophy...behind this, of course.

I was already for an instant analysis of this game that was full of references to my impending alcoholism due to Charlie Frye starting any game in the regular season. I had all sorts of witty jokes ready to go for it as well. A picture of bourbon was likely, as that is my "everything needs to go away" drink of choice. I mix it with coke, its delicious.

And then all of a sudden, Frylock had to go out and throw for 219 yards, 2 touchdowns, no turnovers, and looked, well, pretty good. (that linked pic aside, um, wow! After last week, whodathunk?

Then Frye got injured. And Seneca Wallace came in to try and read a valiant Seahawks come back. I know he's injured, I know he was cold, but Wallace wasn't exactly sharp and threw a game killing INT.

After the game, in the always entertaining Seahawk Blue Chat, some of us called for Frye to be the second string QB and others came to Wallace's defense. Since a cage match to the death is likely to leave us with more injury problems, the standard method of settling these things is out. So, here's some pros and cons for each.

The Incumbent...Seneca Wallace


~Should have great grasp of offense/Seahawks issued clipboard
~Did decent a few years ago filling in for Hass
~Can make things happen with his legs, much like this woman (NSFW?)


~Should be a receiver
~We've been trying to make him a receiver since we drafted him
~Maybe hasn't progressed as much as we would like
~So, maybe he should be a receiver
~His greatest moment as a Seahawk came when he was a....RECEIVER (NFC title game, with the over the shoulder catch to set the tone)

The Challenger...Charlier Frye


~Has actually stared in the NFL
~Seems to have picked up the offense well
~Unlike some people, should not be a receiver (have I made this clear?)


~Was starter...for the Browns
~Still may inspire alcoholism if started actual game
~Might inspire Seahawk fans to take up moronic Rally Fries thing from the Mariners

Either way, as long as Hass doesn't get hurt, I'm cool with it. I think given adequate prep either one could get the job done, but Frye's performance in SD warrants makes this debate relevant. What do you think, Hawk fans? Who do you want holding the clipboard on Sundays?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dead As The Current CBA

5Q: The Charge of the Light (Weight) Brigade

Welcome to this week's edition of Five Questions for an Enemy Blogger.

Since it's preseason, we still are working on lining up our roster of guest bloggers, so we don't really have a victim Charger fan identified to provide answers to these questions, so feel free to use the comment section to chime in.

And if there is a Charger blogger out there who wants to provide official answers to these questions, and also provide Five Questions for me to answer on your blog about the Seahawks, email me at

Q1. With Brady losing his first Super Bowl, and Manning battling knee problems, the Chargers are this year's trendy media darlings to represent the AFC in the SuperBowl. What's the over/under on which week the wheels come off of your season?

Q2. Last year Philip Rivers gave a gutty performance in the playoffs, nearly taking the San Diego to the promised land with a badly torn ACL. Is it just opposing fans, or do Charger fans think he's got the most punchable face in the NFL since John Elway retired?

Q3. LT broke Shaun Alexander's touchdown record, and then had to sit out the playoff loss to the Patriots with a nagging injury. Do you think he'll catch on with another team when the Chargers release him in a year or so, or will he be team up with Shaun at the McDonald's drive thru?

Q4. Speaking of nagging knee injuries, your poster boy for anabolic steriod abuse, and the theif who stole the DROY from our own Lofa Tatupu three seasons ago, is seeking the advice of noted Orthopaedist Dr. Andrews. So will it be this injury or a random drug test that ends his NFL career this season?

Q5. Now that Marty Shottenhiemer is gone, I'm sure the entirety of Charger Nation is confident knowing that the unbeatable Norv Turner is at the healm, but have you ever really looked at Norv up close? Like really close? No, I mean really, REALLY close?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Boldin's Bailout: A backstory

For those who don't know...

Boldin wants trade

Sure, sure, Boldin SAYS he doesn't talk to head coach Ken Whisenhunt and says he's not treated fairly. But...I beg to differ.

The night before...

SCENE: Boldin's mansion that he affords with his unfair 4 million a year.

Boldin: I have a feeling that we're going to do good things this season. I, and every NFL pundit for the past ten years, think this is the year that we make the playoffs.

Boldin: I don't know anyone from the 206 area code...oh well.

(Picks up phone) Yo, who is this?

Marcus Trufant: Oh, you remember me...

Boldin: Wait...those footsteps, that closing're, you're....M-m-m-marcus

Trufant: The one and only. I was just calling to see if you were ready for two games of absolute punishment this year?

Boldin: More than ready...I got a good feeling?

Trufant: Is that douchenozzle still your staring QB?

(fun fact: googiling Matt Leinart Drunk yields 77,200 results and 5,670 images)

Boldin: hey an, Matt's had his adventures this offseason, but he's focused.

Trufant: Yeah right, in the same town as Arizona State...Leinart will be focused on football. What do you do after week 3?

(awkward pause)

Boldin: Hey man, why you doing this?

Trufant: Just giving you a heads up, wanting you to know we're coming for ya.

Boldin: You do this with all your opponents?

Trufant: Yeah man, you should have heard the talk Lofa was giving Stephen Jackson the other night. He went to training camp so when he gets smacked around in week 3 it doesn't hurt too bad.

Boldin: Well, I'm at camp. What should I do?

Trufant: I hear Miami's nice..maybe go to Tennessee, play with Vince.

Boldin: I'll talk to coach about it...

Trufant: No, you don't TALK to coach at all. Use it as leverage.

Boldin: Oh...o...ok.

(Phone line goes dead)

Paul Harvey: And now you know...the rest of the story.

It's still Tuesday in Beijing, isn't it?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

lollHawks: Seagal With Pussy!

This Day in lolHawks: Now With Special Team Boners!

Welcome to LOL Tuesday!

Since the boss failed to change the locks when he renovated this place, the riff-raff is still able to get in, so I thought I'd get a jump on LOL Tuesday before I receive the official eviction notice!

Anyone unfamiliar with this phenomenon should check out I Can Haz Cheezburger or LOLJocks. If you want to build your own images, visit

Feel free to add your own caption in the comments, or create and submit your own LOL Seahawks-themed graphic using the feedback link. Who knows, if it doesn't suck too bad, it might get posted.

Monday, August 18, 2008

SEA vs CHI Aftermath: The Funnest Preseason Game EVAR

I know what you're thinking - saying a preseason game was the 'funnest evar' is a bit of a contradiction, like saying you've discovered the world's tallest midget or the most beautiful Rams cheerleader. But this game was legitimately fun to watch, thanks to 261 yards of diminutive bolts of lightning and thunder from Justin Forsett.
Hey, little guy. Is this your glass slipper?

What can you say? Without question, it was his night. He was the star of the show. He rushed for 136 yards - in one half. There is something about that little mighty mite that everyone loves, bringing a previously longed-for intensity to the running game. I just hope he made it home before midnight, before his linemen turned back into mice and his Escalade into a Corolla.

Forsett is a legitimate stud. But don't get too excited. Saturday night, his running style caught the Bears by surprise. Game planning and film study by the opposition can negate a good amount of his abilty, not to mention starting-caliber opposition can make reads and shut his shit down. But in any case, it looks like we may have a lot of fun times ahead watching this magical hybrid of Bobby Joe Edmunds and Emmitt Smith.

I hate to say it, but I'd also like to hold out a 'let's wait and see' with David Hawthorne, too. I've seen a lot of linebackers roll through Seattle, some with a good nose for the ball and a good pop at the finish. But once the regular season rolled around, most of them looked like buffoons, thanks to opposing teams' game plans designed to confuse and trick them into being at the wrong place at wrong time.

Don't get me wrong- 'The Heater' shows good promise. I just don't see him getting but just a few tackles this season, and 98% of these on special teams.

The 12th Man is Ridiculous

Holy cow. Was this really a preseason game? This crowd was more engaged than probably 75% of the regular season games of the NFL. Think I'm exaggerating? Check out these quotes:

Speaking of chills, rookie TE John Carlson got them when he watched former Seahawk Paul Moyer raising the 12th Man flag before kickoff. "Couldn't ask for better fans," Carlson said.

Others sold-out Qwest Field first-timers echoed Carlson. "It was wonderful," linebacker David Hawthorne said. "You just feel a lot of energy coming from the stands out there."

QB Charlie Frye: "A great environment to play football."

RB Justin Forsett: "It's like I was in the college national championship game, how loud it was. You feed off that and you try to keep pushing through your fatigue."

K Brandon Coutu: "They definitely didn't disappoint. This is one of the loudest stadiums I've eved played in. It was exciting. The team got up for that."

Cool. The 12th man is already at 3/4 throat. Wait until she gets to full throat. Then things will get exciting. Wait... What did I just say?

Celebrity with Brush

I don't care who you are, it's a little fun to know someone who knows someone famous. Kinda like when Captain Caveman had a gay relationship with Wonderbread Manning. Or when he went on national TV for 'allegedly' creating a sticky-moused stir over pictures of a high school athlete. Then there is that whole Joe Namath thing.

SO whom shall I name-drop now, to live through vicariously? Hawkette!

She was so on TV

Hawkette, you're totally hawt.

A Kicker Emerges

I'm watching you masturbate

This game couldn't have been better for Coutu's career if it were handed to him in a silver picnic basket. He went 5 for 5 and chipped in the game winner in overtime.

Perfect. He showed consistency, poise, and.... Wait a minute....

He looks familiar...

I know him from somewhere...

DAMMIT.... Where have I seen him?


It's so easy a kicker can do it

Wait, now... my brain cells are really working overtime all of a sudden...

WHOA. Startling revelation here, folks. I've seen Hawkette before, too.

They've got serious pipes - and put on a show

Hawkette is totally hawt x2.

Want Frye With That?

In short, no. I can't imagine entrusting a regular season game to Charlie Frye, base on what we saw Saturday. He's got a long way to go before Holmgren's Way is second nature to him.

At first, he reminded me of last season's Rex Grossman. Then later on, when Holmgren was pissed at him, he reminded me of a young Matt Hasselbeck, dodging the coach after a mistake, but pressing onward. Then after that, he reminded me of how much I take Hasselbeck for granted.

The event of his game meant a couple things: For one, we won't be seeing Seneca Wallace in any greatly expanded 'slash' role this season. The risk would keep the Big Show awake at night, and a couple of injuries to QB's here and there could ruin his final season.

Another thing that was telling was Holmgren's reaction. He lit into Frye throughout the game, even after his mistakes. What is so telling about that?

There came a certain point, most notably after Frye thew the interception for a touchdown, that Holmgren became OMFG run like hell before he kills all of us kind of mad. He didn't start yelling right then; he just got through with a different tirade a momentearlier. No, he held it all in. That is, except his jaw. It stuck out like a Jay Leno Mardis Gras something something. The play was so exquisitely horrible, no ass-chewing could possibly match it. He even stopped calling plays form then on, his play card was nowhere to be seen.

It was as though Holmgren, right then, came to the realization that he found his answer to the question that made him start Frye in the first place. "Charlie Frye is a complete fucktard and there is no way I'm going to do anything to risk Seneca to injury."

However, he did chew Frye out a couple more times before the game was over. which means, there is hope for Frye. Othewise, Holmgren would never have wasted his time.

Other Quickies

This defense is going to be sick. As in bad sick. And by 'bad,' I mean 'good.' And by 'good,' I mean 'effectively rape and pillage.'

It's the fastest, smartest defense I've seen in a long time. And now with Kevin Bentley gone, it no longer has stretches where it gets beat up like luggage.

I couldn't help but notice noticed the special cohesiveness the front seven have this season. They communicate reads quickly, smoothly, naturally. It's second nature. Look out.

Lawrence Jackson is as good dropping back in coverage as I've seen for a DE. This should give Seattle the ability to call a variety of zone blitzes with a minimum of risk.

The deep passes from Frye to Jordan Kent was great to see, even if they were drops. The dude stretches this field with his speed, period.

I worry about Julius Jones' spirit. More on that later.

That's all. Try the fish. And this righteous video of Forsett.

Thanks Psychobabbler!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Jordan Kent, Urine Luck

Most Seahawks fans know by now that Jordan Kent is relatively new to football - remarkable for an NFL player. But did you know that the turning point of his career came while he was standing at the urinal holding his clapper?

Kent was, of all places, in a public restroom when U of O receivers coach Dan Ferrigno walked in.

"He was in the urinal next to me, and he was like, 'What are you doing this summer?'" said Kent, who holds Oregon state records in the 200-meter dash and the long jump and also played for his father, Ernie, on the Ducks' basketball team. "I was like, 'Well, I don't know, maybe coming out for football.'

"That was kind of my letter of intent right there."

The rest, as we say, is history. This was one opportunity Kent wouldn't piss away.

BTW: Check out Kent smoking past the defender - with ankle weights on. Badass.

I Didn't Really Retire Either

I'm Baa-aaack.

The blog has a pulse. More on this later. For now, check out the new digs and enjoy this little video: