Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I Can Now Retire from Blogging

Hello, I would like to introduce you to Georgia, a member of the Seagals. I would also like you to meet her friend, nipple.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Giants Running Back Gets Sooo Wasted and then Sooo Arrested But Escapes Getting Sooo Run Over by a Car

Often-inactive and otherwise statistically-challenged Danny Ware got his slurry on during the bye week, decided to stand in traffic and attempt to form sentences with a female of the opposite sex.

Ware and a 24-year-old Dallas woman attracted a police officer’s attention at about 2:25 a.m. Sunday at East Clayton Street near North Jackson Street because they seemed oblivious to traffic that had to steer around them as they stood in the street talking, according to police.

Ware admitted that he’d been drinking, and a breath test showed he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.152 grams, police said.

Yeah, I know -- who cares, right? Before today, I didn't know the man existed. But you know what? I still don't.

I Heart New York; All You Haters Suck My Game Balls

Before I talk any football, I need to get this out of the way.

Over the weekend, I read via RSS feeds on my crackberry about the ignorant asshat that posted 9/11 jokes as NY Giants smack. I find his attempts at humor abhorrent, putrific, and shameful. Sports are a welcome diversion to all the tragedy in life - but horseshit like this has the capacity to suck all the life and fun right out the experience.

I had some time to think about the issue on the road trip back home yesterday, and one thought kept popping up in my little mind: These deplorable jokes have apparently been posted on numerous low-life web sites for some time. Why there such a widespread outcry now? Why the sudden outcry when the jokes are used on a football site?

There may be some merit to the idea that Seahawks vs. Giants is a topic this week anyway, and something this controversial will automatically get launched to the top.

But that's not the real reason these jokes have taken greater offense.

It's because we expect better from football fans.

It's one thing to hear vile things come out of the mouth of someone you already consider a scumbag. It's quite another thing to hear the same words come out of someone of respect.

To illustrate: If you overhear some socially retarded punk on the street crack a horrifying joke about aborted fetuses, you would likely be offended, but dismissive. If the President of the whole freaking United States of America parlayed that joke at a fund raiser for stem cell research, the whole damn world would be offended beyond measure. Why?

Because we expect better from public authority figures.

The world of sports fans is an amusing one. Insults and epithets abound, but at the core of fandom, there is a largely unspoken brotherly love and respect. One only has to recall the outpouring of support from all circles of NFL fans in the season following 9/11 to realize this basic underlying connection.

We also expect better from the 12th man in general. I know I'm biased, but we have become one of the greatest bunches of sports fans in the planet. We're smart, informed, witty, spirited, humane, and even-tempered. We have a sense of humor about opposing teams, but also about ourselves.

But this? It definitely sullies our reputation. It's truly pathetic, insensitive, amoral, and nauseating. It makes the worlds of amusement and tragedy collide, sucking all the fun out. Bastard.

Whomever you are, of my three loyal readers -- if you've read this far, you were probably pissed off as well.

Please join with me in moving on and forgetting this dipshit. Let's go back to making fun of the gap between Micheal Strahan's teeth.

Farewell to the Seahawks' MVP!

No, this isn't a post about Shaun Alexander, but rather, a send off for the Most Valueable Putz who helped deliver four consecutive NFC West crowns to Seattle by completely sucking as the Ram's head coach.

Besides, I'm off tomorrow for the Holiday so here's your Tuesday LOLz a day early.

The Bye Week is Ova

It's ova - get it?

I took some time off last week, but I'm back. Expect more posts.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Alan's Gambling Guide: Week 4

No Seahawks this week, but still plenty of football to watch...and thus bet on. So, here's my picks for the week, and I'll even throw in some pseudo-porn, because Bloof requested it.

Last week, I was 11-5 against the spread, running my record to 29-18 and my wish that I was actually putting money on these games at: High. Seriously, fuck. These are hard economic times and I can't afford to let my gambling be not real.

On to these week's games...as always, Home teams are in CAPS, and the line is taken from the Las Vegas Hilton, from covers.com

CAROLINA (-7) over Atlanta

Matt Ryan, when exposed to our Sun, turns into a mere mortal. The dome will not protect him.

Denver (-9.5) over KANSAS CITY

I thought about this one, but Denver's offense is going to blow the Chiefs out of the water late, though expect some nervous gamblers through three quarters.

NEW ORLEANS (-4.5) over San Francisco

The 49ers may be the surprise of the NFC West (well, did YOU have them starting 2-1?) but I'm not sold on their defense stopping Drew Breese.

Arizona (+1) over NEW YORK JETS

Brett Favre does not grasp the Jets offense...not even close. The jets defense can't seem to grasp the Jets defense. A tough game, but could be a big bounce back win for the Redbirds.

Minnesota (+3) over TENNESSEE

Its the "Back-up QB is our Savior Bowl"! If this game goes into OT, I want to see a special shootout style OT, where Travaris Jackson and Vince Young try to hit wide open receivers. First one within 5 yards of the target wins!

Green Bay (+1) over TAMPA BAY

I know the Packers didn't look good on Sunday night, but they are still much better than the Bucs. Fantasy football note: My soul died a little when I picked up Jerramy Stevens as tight end this week. Can rape be a scoring stat? It can? I WIN!

JACKSONVILLE (-7) over Houston

I actually drafted Matt Shaub as my backup QB thinking "he will have a decent year, and someone will want to trade for him later on..." 

My bad.

Cleveland (+3.5) over CINCINNATI 

I can't see one team getting to far ahead of the other in this one. It could end in a 0-0 tie. This game is going to suck...pseudo-porn time:

Fun fact: This image comes up during a Google Search of "Pseudo-porn"

San Diego (-7.5) over OAKLAND

If Raiders D-lineman shoved as hard as their staff guy shoved a beat reporter, they might get a pass rush...they just might.

Buffalo (-8) over ST. LOUIS

I work at a radio station that airs "The Scott Linehan Show". Upon listening to it, Scott Linehan should not be allowed near the following things:

~Large bottles of Asprin
~Rust potato peelers
~Buckets of water
~A coaching headset

Dallas (-11) over WASHINGTON

Eleven points on the road is a lot, but then again Dallas had little problems with it last week against a much tougher opponent.

Philadelphia (-3) over CHICAGO

The Eagles are going to be dangerous this season.

Baltimore (+5.5) over PITTSBURGH

I think this one could be close, plus Big Ben was just sacked by the Eagles again, so...he's got that to work through.

Enjoy the games, and happy betting!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Torry Holt Does Full Metal Jacket

It's really strange how I feel today. While I'm elated about the win and the subsequent reboot of the Seahawks' season, I actually feel sort of sorry for the Rams. It's a lingering, sick feeling, sort of like I just stole lunch money from orphans.

I think what capped it was this look I saw on Torry Holt's face in the 4th quarter:

It wasn't constipation. It's wasn't exhaustion. It was the look of someone who was once valued and special, spent the last few weeks fighting and fighting, only to lose all faith, hope and purpose.

Maybe Torry Holt just lacks mental toughness. Douchebag.

[If you don't get the Full Metal Jacket reference, check it out here.]


Sunday, September 21, 2008

John Marshall explained

This is John Marshall. He is the defensive coordinator for the Seattle Seahawks. His defensive play calling is credited as being the inspiration for Ritalin. Its voidness of imagination has blown the mind of every artist on Seattle's non-conformist scene. In fact, his diagram that showed 11 x's with arrows pointing forward hangs proudly in a coffee shop near the Seahawks' training facility.

The piece is titled "How could it fail?"

Some other facts about John Marshall

~John Marshall can play the guitar, but only in the key of C. Flats and sharps? Those are the tools of the out there punk rockers.

~John Marshall's favorite color is beige. If you suggest something that is egg shell white, he will fake blitz the shit out of you.

~John Marshall's mind is so rigid that he finds it hard to follow such complex movies as Memento, The Matrix, and Snakes on a Plane.

Viewing it in Spanish did not help Marshall.

~A handy note for Seattle's waitresses, if you give him a sandwich with this new fangled "wheat" bread, he'll play a soft zone against your tip. It better be white bread.

~After hard days at work, John Marshall likes to spike his water...with ice.

~To gameplan for opponents, John Marshall doesn't watch film. He goes into a Soviet-era Isolation Chamber. 

Friday, September 19, 2008

Let's RAM IT

You know there is no farking way I can have access to an extremely queer and innuendo-laced video of a rival and not post it.

Let's RAM IT!!!


Mr Goodell, The Middle Finger is None of Your Effing Business

Dear Mr. Goodell,

It has recently come to my attention that you have levied a $7500 fine toward Steelers LB James Farrior for displaying a rude gesture toward Cleveland Browns fans.

As much as I would like to see any member of the Steelers organization and fan base punitively sodomized, I must disagree with your ruling. It is egregious, inconsistent, and un-American. How can you attempt to censor the righteous use of "the bird" when the phrase "fuck you" is as common and tolerable as high-fives and ass slaps?

This gesture is an often appropriate and meaningful rebuke, and has its place in modern life. In the case of Farrior, it was directed to Cleveland fans celebrating an injury to Steeler safety Ryan Clark. His simple communication was a concise retort they no doubt understood as meaning, "You folks are piles of corn shit."

Just to make a point, there are a few of us that would like to let you know what we think of your policy:

Yes, Briney Spears Disapproves. Meh.

Lindsay Lohan says, "Sit and spin Rog!"

Jodi Foster hates you and the fact she locked herself out of the house

Avril Lavigne gives you two bony, nicotine-stained birds

Tommy Lee gets it, and remember he has a huge schlong and did Pamlea Anderson

Justin Timberlake thinks you're an idiot and hates pumping his own gas

Usher, tip o' the cap. Yeaaah riiiight. 

Kim Kardashian - I'm a little unclear, but I think this is an offer

Keith Richards is annoyed by you and the fact that he's made of scrotums

Katie Couric is just so effing cute! She farts rainbows and poops butterflies!

Johnny Cash wants you to stick it in your ring of fire

Christopher Columbus discovered America, and had a concise message for the Indians

Yes, the President of the whole damn United States says, 'fuck you.'

Pat Robertson really has no clue what it'means, except maybe "God is #1!"

I'm pretty sure this is when Judas left the room

Thanks to all my loyal readers - all seven of you


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Alan's Gambling Guide: Week 3

Holy shit! This blog is active again! There are posts...I had to go look for last week's gambling guide! There are pictures of God, comic book sound effects, and copious amounts of alcohol! 

Wait...let me check something.

OK, good. Sweet. Lets do this. Last week I was 9-6  (Houston and Baltimore did not play, resulting in 15 games), bringing my overall record to 18-13. Not bad. The thing that strikes me about this week's games are that nearly all the home teams are favored. Usually there's a decent amount of road favorites to make things interesting. However, Vegas has only deemed Dallas as worthy of being favored on the road...in Green Bay no less. We all know the NFL wouldn't be boring enough to have all the home teams win, so this should be a fun week.

Home teams in CAPS, lines taken from the Las Vegas Hilton, via covers.com

SEATTLE (-9.5) over St. Louis

When was the last time an 0-2 team was nearly a double digit favorite (and is on two books listed at Covers)? It helps when the opponent is also 0-2, but still. However, the Rams have already given up 10 sacks this year and Seattle's front seven is still real good. Seattle showed it could score and could get the ball moving on the ground last week, so yes. I will pick the Seahawks. If they can't win by 10 this week...oh what do I care. Just win. Don't make me break out the two solutions post.

ATLANTA (-5.5) over Kansas City

The Chiefs looked hilariously bad against Oakland. Not a good sign. I'm taking Matt Ryan at home, where he lit up the Lions in week 1. At least he's playing well against bad teams, right?

Arizona (+3) over WASHINGTON

Maybe I just really like cherry Kool-aide, but I'm liking the Cardinals in the early going. The problem of this team the last few years is they lost games they should win. Well, they're 2-0 against teams they SHOULD beat this year. They shouldn't beat the Redskins, but given their offense I can see them keeping it real close. And no, I wouldn't be shocked if they won out right.

TENNESSEE (-4.5) over Houston

The people of Nashville are going crazy over the pick of Kerry Collins to be the qb. I just made myself cringe.

BUFFALO (-9) over Oakland

You don't think the Raiders can make it two in a row on the road do you? Didn't think so.

Tampa Bay (+1) over CHICAGO

Kyle Orton, like the market, is due for a correction. 

MINNESOTA (-3.5) over Carolina

The Vikings have to wake up sometime. There's to much talent on that team. And now that they have a legit qb, this is the week.

NEW YORK GIANTS (-13.5) over Cincinnati

I think it'll be another good week to own Plax in fantasy football.

Miami (+13.5) over NEW ENGLAND

1. Matt Cassell
2. Huge spread
3 ???

Nope, I don't see it. I won't be surprised if the Patriots win by two touchdowns, but I'm taking the wait and see approach to this.

DENVER (-5.5) over New Orleans

And they'll win without the refs or needing to go for two.

Detroit (+4) over SAN FRANCISCO

I actually think the 49ers will win, but I don't look at their defense as being one to provide much of a cushion for victory.

BALTIMORE (-2) over Cleveland

I'm looking forward to watching Joe Flacco. I am not excited to watch Derek Anderson come crashing back to Earth.

Wait, let me check again. Good.

PHILADELPHIA (-3.5) over Pittsburgh

I'm just saying, if the Steelers are really the favorite in the AFC, as some have them pegged, congrats to whatever NFC team makes the Super Bowl. Granted, early season predictions mean little, but did you see what would should be a good Pittsburgh offense do against Cleveland? Even with the conditions, it was uninspiring at best.

Jacksonville (+5) over INDIANAPOLIS

I think the Jags can keep it close on the road, and Peyton still hasn't found his rhythm.

Dallas over GREEN BAY (+2.5)

Dallas certainly looked for real on Monday night. I enjoyed that game. And I'll be honest here, people knock Tony Romo and Peter King's comment that he smiles all the time, but if you didn't enjoy his post game interview you don't enjoy football. When asked how he didn't let his brutal fumble affect him he laughed and said, "Because if I did, I would suck!" That's 80 times better than the typical "You have to block those out and move on, its part of the game, blah blah blah." Don't tell the Rog, but personalities in the league are good.

SAN DIEGO (-9) over New York Jets

You think the Chargers are going to me a bit mad and a bit eager to prove a point on Monday? Norv Turner should just tell his team to imagine 11 Ed Hocculi's lining up against them and watch the barrage.

Enjoy the games and happy betting!


Shaun Alexander Works Out for the Lions

It's a lie.

Nothing ever works out for the Lions.

Sando vs. Morgan: It is SO. ON.

I haven't seen cross-blog call-outs like this since, well, NEVAR.

Here's how it went down: Mike Sando of ESPN.com pulls some stats from the last Seahawks-49ers matchup that seems to explain the reason or folly in Mike Nolan's defensive play calling. Why did he keep his defense in the nickel for the whole game? Sando seems to explain.

But sooner than you can say, "I wipe my ding-a-ling with Football Outsiders," John Morgan of Field Gulls provides a stunning stat-laden retort, even using high falootin' terms like "misleading," "specious," and "statistical gerrymandering."

Sando's response? "Thanks much to John Morgan of Field Gulls for engaging my earlier analysis on how the Seattle offense functioned against a 49ers defense that left five defensive backs on the field even when Seattle played with fewer than three receivers... John wondered why I would isolate only first-half plays, suggesting I might have done that to enhance my argument. The reason I didn't look at the second half was because I ran out of time the other night and figured 31 plays would give us a pretty good idea."

He then proceeds to innundate my pea-sized brain with a collection of facts and analysis that not even Peter King could understand.

HA. What next? I bet John Morgan is duct-taping roofing nails to propane tanks as I type. Sando is probably recalling his mental stategies from middle school that made him a level 34 wizard at Dungeons and Dragons.

Dorks. Either way, when nerds fight, we win.


Five Questions With an Enemy Blogger: Come On Rams

To borrow a page from Charles Haley's playbook

In this week's installment of 5Q, we borrow from the hideous insights of St. Louis Rams Fan Blogger The Watchdog, whose work can be found on PlanetRams and AOL Fanhouse. He's an odd duck in that he seems to prefer the crossfire of rival web sites (SeahawkBlue dwellers know him well) rather than the cushy confines of various Ram Tardbillies HQ. (But then again, who can blame him? My IQ drops 30 points every time I visit a St. Louis fan site.)

On with the show:

1. In both the Seahawks' and Rams' Kingdoms, there is quite a bit of despair and anguish over the land. In the case of the Seahawks, there are some specific, identifiable, and presumably fixable things that gives fans hope they can get back on track. What about the Rams? Are there some clear fixes, or is it time to blow the fugger up and start clean?

[WD] Much like the sub-dermal rumblings of a classic case of Montezuma’s revenge, the inner explosions have already damaged the failing infrastructure, and boy do they stink. The capper on that is the fact that no one really wants to fix it. The only one with any evident urgency is Coach Linehan, and that’s because he’s scared to death he’s going to be back trying to win free jerky at Forrest Gump look-alike contest and rodeos. At this point, confidence is at an all time low. Torry Holt wants out, Alex Barron’s a bust, Pace is over the hill, and Marc Bulger’s battered legs won’t even let him run for his life anymore. Steven Jackson needs to be traded for picks, as well as every other marquee veteran on the team – but only if Chip cleans out the front office and brings in a real football crew first.

2. As a follow up to #1, what strength does St. Louis posses that is something to build on?

[WD] They have great helmets, and oh yeah – we love Josh Brown.

3. If you were the majority owner of the Rams, what would be on your agenda for the next month?

[WD] Well, after the arson investigation finally cleared me of any wrongdoing, I would silently thank Georgia for her inspiration and seriously consider giving up a good-sized chunk of change to lure Marshall Faulk back to the organization as a front office guy, but in the mean time, go and offer Kurt Warner a lifetime supply of Campbell’s chunky to come back and take a beating where he belongs. Then beg Dick Vermiel to come back to the organization and give him full power.

[WD] On the other hand, that is a pretty full month. Maybe I could just go on SNL and do my own Sarah Palin style skit, but instead of her I could use a Linehan look-alike and a gay Bill Belicheck for the kicker.

4. Prediction time, but not what you might think: How much longer will Linehan retain employment with the Rams?

[WD] I think a lot of that depends on this weekend. If the Rams can pull it together and somehow beat the Chickens in their own nasty coop, it may actually be a bad thing. If that happens, Linehan will probably be allowed off the plank temporarily. Though I can’t stand going up to Seattle to see another loss, especially to Matt (Who do I more resemble, Mr. Clean or a walking Ban Roll-on) Hasslebeck, it could be the best way to purge the evil chip-monk and start the wheels turning. I give him until the bye week.

5. A genie grants you one wish, but you must choose one of the following. Which is it?
  • The Rams win the next three Super Bowls
  • Ten years of free daily fellation
  • Free beer for life
  • Your own personal Jack Nicholson as a trusty sidekick

[WD] Gonna have to go with Jack on this one, this way I can still go to the Super-bowl PLUS sit that close to the Laker-girls. I don’t like beer, and there is no such thing as free fellatia – too many ways to pay. Plus, he’s just sooo damn cool!

Thanks, Watchdog. You have my pity this Sunday.


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Well, I guess I'll pick up K-Rob's drinking problem

Let's just start working our way up, shall we?

Reading the Seattle Times Seahawk blog today, I see that Koren Robinson is not only back with the Seahawks, but he is also living the sober life now. That's great to hear. This was a receiver with a lot of potential that he never did will realize. And, as a fan of the Seahawks, I have no other choice.

I will take up K-Rob's drinking problem.

Fear not, K-Rob, whereas you probably aren't allowed to touch alcohol, I have access to beer and hard liquor. Even wine. Wine, Koren, sweet delicious wine! One time I decided to have a glass of it with dinner, then decided I didn't need a glass...since you know, the bottle is made out of that anyway.

I once tried to outdrink The Dude from the Big Lebowski. To make these white russians, I did not ue shot glasses...I used liquid measuing cups. Have you ever had three cups worth of white russians? Its amazing.

One time I bought a bottle of rum and when the casheir asked if I needed a bag I replied, "no." I spent the remaining party drinking from said bottle, attempting to hit on girls, and then just to be a dick pretended to be the police. Man that scared everyone at the party. I got a lot of high fives for that one. Not from the party's organizer though, I think she still hates me.

This is the level of comittment that I am offering here, K-Rob. You stay sober and focus on running routes and catching passes. Apperently Jordan Kent couldn't, which is why I had a few Killian's while debating why exactly we cut him.

So Koren, whenever you close your eyes and see that beautiful, beautiful bottle of bourbon, or when you hear the Qwest Field Beer vendors above everyone else, know this: I will drink for you. Sure there are fans that cheer loud at the game and try to help the game by making it hard for other players to hear. I, however, will be doing something just for few, Koren. I will get absolutely plowed/shit faced/pissed (for our Australian and British friends)/deee-RUNK so you don't have to.

Its the least I can do.

This Week in lolHawks: Martyrdom!

Brian Russell, Please Update Your Resume

There is a well-reasoned, albeit slightly coarse and racist movement to expel FS Brian Russell from the squad. Why? He sucks, dammit.

If you’d like to know why the Seahawks have four Pro Bowl starters on defense but still give up 30+ points to the Bills and 49ers, Brian Russell is your answer.

If you’re wondering how J.T. O’Sullivan can get sacked 8 times, but still throw for 321 yards with a touchdown and no interceptions: Brian Russell.

Did you see that Isaac Bruce, who is something like 47 years old, got 153 yards on only 4 catches? There’s a secret ingredient to that formula, and his name is Brian Russell.

It's true. Russell played extememely conservitavely last season (read: within his ability) and at least didn't allow the deep ball. This season he has regressed, and now allows both plays underneath and over his head.

What is equally baffling, even disturbing, is the willingness of OC John Marshall to put him in cover-1 blitz situations where he needs to cover the entire back 40. Predictably, this results in a play where the targeted corner has zero help and Russell is at least 20 yards away from any meaningful assistance on the play.
Oh, well. Thanks for one serviceable year, Mr. Russell. At least you'll always have this beautiful scrap-book moment:

Koren is Back? Yes, Koren is Back

I case you hadn't heard... pending physical exam,
Koren is back.

Criticism of K-Drop is well documented on this site:
  • Robinson was arrested just after 3:30 a.m. on May 6 after Medina police officer David Obermiller stopped him for excessive speeding and unsafe lane travel eastbound on SR 520. Obermiller, according to a statement from Medina police, smelled alcohol on Robinson's breath and asked him to take a field sobriety test.
  • Charges dismissed by prosecutors since 1998 include first-degree kidnapping, attempted first-degree sex offense, discharge of a firearm in the city, carrying a concealed weapon, driving while license revoked, no operator's license, operating a vehicle with no insurance and failure to disperse on command.
  • The most serious of his arrests occurred in April of 1998. According to a North Carolina police report, Robinson was arrested on suspicion of "kidnapping a person under the age of 16 years, by unlawfully confining for the purpose of committing a felony, first-degree sex offense. (The victim) was not released in a safe place." Police charged Robinson with an attempted first-degree sex offense, first-degree kidnapping and discharging a firearm in the city. Charges were dropped because, according to the report, police were "unable to locate the prosecuting witness."
  • On March 19, 2002, Robinson was pulled over on his 22nd birthday in North Carolina for driving 90 miles per hour in a 60-mph zone. The police report lists his blood alcohol level at .16, but police charged Robinson only with exceeding safe speed. The report lists the verdict as "responsible" and Robinson paid $90 in court costs and a $10 fine.
  • The most recent case against Robinson in North Carolina came after he was arrested by the Raleigh police on March 14, 2003, for carrying a concealed weapon. That case was dismissed.
  • On August 1, 2005, Robinson checked himself into a 28-day alcohol rehabilitation program in South Carolina. Afterwards, Robinson was acquired by the Vikings for the 2005 season.
  • On Tuesday August 16th, 2006 during the 2006 pre-season it was reported that Robinson was again arrested and incarcerated for "driving while impaired". Robinson was released by the Vikings on Saturday August 26, 2006. The Vikings' decision resulted in Robinson and his agent filing a union grievance since thecollective bargaining agreement prohibits teams from releasing players for disciplinary reasons. On January 23, 2007 Robinson reached a deal with prosecutors to be sentenced on a single felony charge of fleeing police after leading officers on a high-speed chase in August, 2006. In exchange for Robinson's Alford plea, prosecutors dismissed seven lesser charges related to drunken driving, reckless driving and driving without a license.
  • On February 20, 2007 Robinson was sentenced to 90 days in jail for fleeing police in August 2006. He served the sentence at the same time he serves 90 days for violating his probation in a separate drunken-driving case in Kirkland, Wash., last year. Robinson will be on probation for three years and must also must complete 80 hours of community service and pay a $1,500 fine.

2001Seattle Seahawks16133953613.74218225
2002Seattle Seahawks161678124015.983519458
2003Seattle Seahawks15156589613.838414039
2004Seattle Seahawks108314951633210023
2005Minnesota Vikings1452234715.88015310
2006Green Bay Packers4078912.7240106
2007Green Bay Packers912124111.54313111
I guess this means we are officially desperate.