Monday, July 17, 2006

The Magic Hat!

Ladies and Gentlemen....I submit to you the story of The Magic Hat as evidence that even the Great Atlatic Ocean is no match for the power of the Seattle Seahawks.

Here I am on Day 5 of my Cape Cod vacation, jumping in the waves of water so cold my penis had retreated 3 feet into my lower intestines, and my balls were somewhere around my throat, otherwise enjoying the beach and the views. (actual picture of anonymous beachgoer clicked when my wife wasn't looking!)

Anyhow, since I was the only one brave (errr Stupid) enough to get into the water, I was keeping an eye on my kids, who were digging sand castles on the beach, while jumping in the waves.

Not expecting too get in too much above the waistline, I was wearing my sunglasses and everpresent Seahawks cap.

You see, after each season I treat myself to a new Seahawks cap, and generally wear it through the summer, playing golf and doing yardwork etc. On this particular occasion, it was the khaki Seahawks cap that I bought after the 2003 Season, a little worn and tattered, but one of my favorites.

Anyhow, as I'm enjoying numb sensation of my lower extremities, courtesy of frigid temperatures of the north Atlantic seacoast, a moster wave sneaks up behind me and thoroughly wipes me out.

At this point it's probably important to point on that in addition to the unique water temperatures, the North Atlantic is known for its course sand and rocky bottom, so when you get wiped out by a wave, you try to get to your feet as soon as possible, otherwise your flesh gets ripped and tattered quicker than Ben Rothlesburger's Harley T-Shirt as he's flying across the hood of Bluefoot's mother's New Yorker!

So as I'm scrambling to get to my feet and keep from leaving several layers of my epidermis on Nauset Beach, I managed to secure my sunglasses, but lost my hat to the mighty Sea.

As high tide was rolling in, I tried to search each ebb and flow of the waves as they crashed in, for any sign of my beloved Seahawks hat. After about 10 minutes of searching, I realized that it was gone for good, and that I should just let it be.

So I continued to frollick in the surf while keeping one eye on my kids, and other one for any other mini-tidal waves that may be trying sneak up on me, and went back to enjoying my vacation bliss....as well as the general numbness from the waist down.

Then, about 20 minutes later, a full half hour since the hat-losing debacle, as another particularly large wave crashed over me, I saw something tan floating just beneith the surface.

IT WAS MY HAT!

As I reached for it, the undertow started to drag it back to the sea, and it scooted away just below my grasp.

F#CK THAT...SAID I...I'M NOT LOSING IT AGAIN!

So I dove head first into the briney surf and snagged that cap away from the clutches of Neptune, Poseiden, and the watery tart who gave King Arthur that sword!

I came up out of the water clutching the hat like Tom Hanks when he speared that fish in Cast Away, and knew that it was a sign from God, Mother Nature, or some other global force, of the resiliency of this team, and the faith of being a fan!


(to comment, click the green number to the right of the title above)

43 comments:

  1. I'm sorry, didn't even read the whole thing yet, got to the pic of the chick that you took. Is she crapping her pants????? She is making the same face that my newborn daughter makes when she's doing her business. You caught her at a really bad time. I hope she wasn't in the shallows, poor kids. Maybe she misunderstood, it's "dropping the kids off at the pool" not the beach.

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  2. Better hope she aint a Seahawk fan or you're gonna be sued.

    Anyways, I too had a weird thing happen regarding this team. I have a TINY Seahawks helmet (used to get them out of those quarter-toy machines). I have it on top of my computer...20 minutes before the Panther game, the Helmet fell off on its own, despite being in a perfect position, no fans blowing, nothing (you could tap it and it wouldnt fall off)...I put it back...after we won, in the midst of celebrating, 20 minutes after the game, it fell off again. Its strange because that helmet never fell off EVER...and happened to fall off twice in the same time intervals.

    Those on gamechat that night might vaguely remember me bringing it up.

    Im telling you, have some faith and this team dominates. Easier said then done...im always confident until gametime (unless im playing, then yeh...im cocky, nothing you guys dont already know)...even against Houston I was freaking out

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  3. Not as cool as those stories but here is the story of my new Seahawks hat.

    I was in Saint Louis covering the MVC basketball tournament. The hat shop at union station had a buy one get one free deal on hats. I have two weaknesses in life: oatmeal cream pies, and cheap hats. I own way to many hats from various teams.

    Well, even though I already had a hat with the current logo, I decided to buy a new Seahawks hat. I actually had to think about this in the store. I'm buying Seahawks merchandise in SAINT LOUIS. Am I tempting the football gods? Is this even legal? I finally decided that it would be OK to buy the hat because it would be awhile before I would be back in Seattle, and besides, I needed a second hat to complete the awesome deal. (The other hat was a Milwaukee Brewers hat, bought just to spite the Cardinals AND Cubs fans that I know)

    When I came home from the tournament (which Southern Illinois won. Go Salukis!) I learned that Shaun Alexander resigned with the 'Hawks on the same day I bought the hat. I consider this a good sign.

    This is not as cool as my old Mariners hat, which was bought at the ballpark. The half inning in which it was placed upon my head, the M's scored four runs. The hat carried a winning streak over three seasons when I wore it to ballgames before Mom thought hats could be cleaned in the dishwasher. The adjustable strap did not make it out, and was held together for tape for another half-season (in which the strak continued) but eventually the hat became unwearable. The M's have finished last the past two seasons. This is not a coincidence.

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  4. Im a hat freak...got a million of them, several Mariners, several Seahawks. Also have a Panthers one...along with the Yankees (my ex-dog used to chew on it for some reason...).

    In fact, im wearing a Seahawks one right now. I won the Panthers and another Seahawks hat from the great people at Mountain Dew who had a cap contest thingy. I switch the Seahawks, Panthers, and a few Nikes in a rotation...ironically the day of the NFC Championship was the Panthers turn...so I changed it. I haven't worn a Mariners hat since they were winning (they are either in pretty bad shape, or I cant find them). I guess showing my loyalty for the two NFL teams I like paid off.

    Lived my dream of Seattle vs. Carolina in the best possible matchup they could get.

    Hear that Mariners and Rockies? (or Brewers)

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  5. All hail Milwaukee!

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  6. Bigo just about covered my response. Ummm, yeah. Also, head down to NC or south-er if you want to go in the water man, I've heard a bit too much about your junk, that and picture of poo-girl has left me with little appetite. Good deal on the hat rescue though.

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  7. Har, har, BigO stole JoSCh's thunder. I can see it now, you guys racing to see who can get their sarcastic take in first. Only so many opportunities exist to make comments about a public pooping bikini girl. This should be entertaining!

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  8. Listen - it's hard enough to descretely snap a picture of a buxom chick in a bikini without your wife or HER BOYFRIEND catching on, you can't really ask her to strike a seductive pose while you're doing it.

    Besides, this is the internet, and there's probably a large contingent somewhere in cyberspace that get off on chicks who poop themselves!

    OK, I've just ruined my own appetite with that last comment.

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  9. Alba, I hear you man, not knocking your photography. You just caught her at the perfect moment. Whenever I need a good laugh I know where to go, here and aofg.blogs.com the comments about the canadian chick poet are just classic.

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  10. Can we have a day of silence for the Sonics please??

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  11. Bluefoot you forgot to put the words Howard Schultz behind that. I'll do it for you FUCK HOWARD SCHULTZ, BOYCOTT STARBUCKS EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATLY!!!!!!!!!

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  12. Dude... You only boycott something to accomplish an objective. What would that accomplish? The team is already sold, right?

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  13. Wow, ok nevermind. I guess I'm barking up the wrong tree. Enjoy your Starbucks.

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  14. Sniff sniff?

    (she looks like a mouse)

    I was too chivalrous to record any beach babes during my recent vacation in Hawaii. However, go Seashawks!

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  15. It is not Howard's fault...it is the city of Seattle. If you have not noticed, noone takes you seriously. (A-Rod,Griffey, Sonics, Pigeons/Hawks etc.) Essentially (and I do not mean it negatively), you are a loser city. The Pigeons run to SB is only because of the schedule. This year you have an easier schedule. Look's like the offensive genius won the lottery...How the Cowboys, Dolphins, Broncos or Bengals would love to play in a high school division like the NFC West. No NBA team, a pathetic MLB team about sums up your city. Good Luck. Why don't you join Canada?

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  16. Hey realist how's the weather there in ArmPittsburgh??

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  17. Do you surf every sports blog out there, pointing out each city's faults? What a non-satisfying life you must lead! My sympathies.

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  18. Au Contraire...It is very enjoyable to watch Pigeon fans flounder. Do you feel sometime that you would like to join mainstream America? If not, look north; B.C. is a haven for draft dodgers and Pigeon fans. Keep whining as true Pigeon fans would do. You have not answered the question of your patsy schedule.

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  19. I hate Howard Schultz. If they take the team can we keep the name. Oklahoma City SuperSonics doesn't even sound right. I hope Paul Allen moves the Blazers to Seattle. Come on Seattle we lost our only champions.
    I really really really do hate Howard Schultz. FUCK HIM.

    Now to the Seahawks. I love my team. Can we start training camp, pre season, season already. I think i said it already but last season my cousin gave me the Seahawks beannie. The one that they where at the games. Anyways we won every game i wore it. I should of wore it on the Superbowl damn damn damn. Oh well Seattle will get a new champion in 2007.

    Can we sue to keep the team in Seattle if they try to move it.

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  20. You know the tough years we had have made all of us Hawks fans proud of the last couple years. And Yes we may be in a weak division, but that is football, The '05 Hawks handled The all big boys in the NFC and the '06 Hawks will be better. I hope our division remains "the high school division", as long as the Hawks still go to the big dance. Now go Realist, find another blog to blow your suck ass attitude on.

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  21. Ignore him, until his team is up on our level, we dont have to say anything to her.

    As for the Sonics...serenity now! hoochiemomma!

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  22. This thread is gettin' love, al!

    UK Link

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  23. The mousehead picture is kind of attractive. The body is good, couldn't tell with the poo face, but can with the funny mouse head, weird. Whassup Realist, you're a retard... again. Congratulations. For proof of that I submit every post you've ever made here.

    Regarding the "patsy" schedule, did you know that the schedules are pre determined? They are. Seattle got NYG and TB as the division winners of their respective divisions, other than that, pre-determined. So STFU.

    What's your team, bandwagon?

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  24. "The mousehead picture is kind of attractive." Dude, you've got issues homie. lol

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  25. WOW...my Magic Hat story makes it "across the pond"

    Unbelieveable!

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  26. Don't feed the trolls, fellas

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  27. Couple of things Rock.

    Troll feeding can be fun if done correctly and safely.

    Realist is really our only troll. He's ours.

    Besides, he only pops in, makes an uninformed comment laced with stereotypical and unimaginitive barbs at the PacNW and its sport teams, and leaves. So it's not like the troll feeding results in and increase in trollism.

    Personally I think realist is Bluefoot's alter-ego.

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  28. wouldn't it be nice if you COULD alter Bluefoot's ego??!!

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  29. Hey realist, ya hungry??? I got deez for ya.

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  30. Kelly Herndon was on the 2LiveStews radio show today. Talking about how incredible the 06-07 Seahawks look. I AM READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!! He was very candid about the refereeing in the Superbowl. They tried to call it excuses but guest host Nick Ferguson was actually agreeing w/ Kelly, while Ryan Stewart was trying to swing from Steeler nuts. That's ok, they're in Atlanta and we beat that ass last year. Fuck him. I can't wait to get this bitch started, I get goosebumps everytime I even think of this upcoming season. GO SEAHAWKS!!!!!

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  31. Hey realist, how are the Pirates and Penguins treating you these days?

    AH, that;'s right...neither have even sniffed the playoffs in years. Some sports "culture" you guys have over there in Steeltown.

    Enjoy the 7-9 season you've got coming.

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  32. And realist, check the message boards. We've moved on from the Super Bowl. Our new season awaits, and we're looking forward to it. Perhaps somebody is feeling insecure about themselves? Did mummy not make your chocolate milk just the right way today?

    Just remember to be like Big Ben when you ride off to school next month: sometimes where a helmet, and when you forget, don't take responsibility!

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  33. See, kinda fun. But actually we've had realist for a while now, I don't think he's a Pit fan, suspect Ram fan, or more likely disenchanted Seahawks fan, ala fireholmgren or one of those cobags from PI or ST site.

    Bigo, 06-07 Seahawks, nice. Late 07 Seahawks if you know what I mean. In Florida. Miami. Me finally having an excuse to wear the shiny blue thong in public... uhhh, sorry bout that, got carried away.

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  34. "Me finally having an excuse to wear the shiny blue thong in public."

    JoSCH, If the Hwaks win the superbowl, I'll wear one too, though deez probably won't fit.

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  35. congrats JoSCh for dropping a "cobag" on his arse!

    been awhile since I heard that term.

    how many more days until training camp??!!!

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  36. Here's a handy link for those unfamiliar with the "cobag" reference:

    Classic Definition

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  37. The team preview at SI.com is nice, man I can't wait for this season to start. This is the only time I can remember that if given the option to skip the summer, I would have taken it. START THE SEASON ALREADY!!!!!

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  38. "Me finally having an excuse to wear the shiny blue thong in public."

    You need an excuse to do that? I plan on celebrating the Hawks' victory by not parading around so attired!

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  39. "I plan on celebrating the Hawks' victory by not parading around so attired!"

    CK, I think I speak for all of us when I say, thank you very very much, I rather enjoy being able to see.

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  40. lol cobag...not that again!

    btw, Realist is a Dolphin fan...guess everyone forgot?

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  41. Dolphin fan or not, can we still call him a cobag?

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