Vick May Be Getting a Bad Rap

Some truth is coming out in the Michael Vick dog fighting investigation. It appears that he may not be as cruel and inhumane as I once thought. AP reports via ESPN:

"Since the raid, Poindexter said, erroneous reports have surfaced that the dogs were malnourished and that many had scarring and injuries consistent with dog fighting. The dogs, he said, appeared largely to have been well cared for, and the only one that required immediate veterinary care had a broken leg because of a birth defect."

That's good to hear. The thought of 66 malnourished dogs reeks of a canine holocaust. I'm glad it's not true. But why did that come out? Sounds like an overzealous cop to me.

There are some other things that bother me:

"The investigation is focused on dog fighting because while some equipment seized could be typical of a legitimate breeding operation, which Vick is registered to have, there also was a "pry bar" used to pry apart a dog's jaws, and bloodstained carpeting."

I know of loving, caring, responsible pit bull breeders that wisely have these bars, just in case of an emergency. They call it a "break stick." When a pit bull clamps down on something, there is no way in hell it is letting go. This is the only way to get them off, short of injuring them.

In fact, do yourself a favor and check out this link at Pit Bull Rescue Central. Read right under the words, "Why Every Responsible Pit Bull Owner Needs a Break Stick."

But what about the blood stains? Isn't that evidence of a dog fighting operation?

"The bloodied carpet was seized during the raid, and Poindexter said he saw what appeared to be blood spatters on the floor of a room inside the home above the garage.

""The floor was not drenched in blood, but there were specks that appeared to me to be blood," he said."

Specks of blood? Really? I imagine you could find that in any kennel.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking up for Vick. I'm taking up for the truth. This whole picture was painted as being much worse than reality.

But there is something very amiss about having 60+ dogs on a property. That is a crime in itself, if it is not part of a rescue operation. And if this is part of a dog fighting operation, it is indeed heinous. But there are so many exaggerated details about this incident that it sounds like a bad rap.

Breaking Wind of Change

I just farted.

Which helps me to appreciate just how far technology has elevated blogging.

DON'T CLICK THAT 'BACK' BUTTON! Allow me to explain.

Right now, I am not in the office typing. Being Memorial Day weekend,
I wanted to take our old ski boat out for a test drive. Every year,
after the boat has wintered over, I take it out for a solo joy ride,
just to check everything over. Then I can take the family and friends
out with a lot less stress and worry.

So right now, I am out in the middle of the Columbia River, slowly
drifting by the West end of Columbia Park. The sunset is beautiful. A
majestic Blue Heron just flew by. I can hear people with their friends
having fun in the park. My Corona is ice cold and the condensation
from the bottle feels like heaven on my mildly sunburned forehead.

But that fart smells like shit from hell. The mosquitoes even stopped
bothering me. Thanks to this Blackberry, and wireless internet, I
don't have to blog at you from the confined space of my office.
Somebody would be dialing 911 for sure. Friggin Nazi death chamber
skidmark control room bullshit.

So I have God to thank for this (nearly) perfect moment, and
technology to thank for my ability to share it with you without dying.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend. May you have comfort as you
remember those you have lost. May you have a deep appreciation for
those you still hold as you spend your time together in life's
pleasures. And may you have wide open, airy spaces to fart in.

Gotta go. I'll be landing the boat in the dark now. And checking my
shorts soon therafter.

Tale of the Tape: Hasselbeck vs O'Donnell

This isn't a comparison of Superbowl quarterbacks Matt and Neil, but rather a tale of the tape to determine who would win the battle had push really come to shove between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on the View.

And unlike comparing great athletes from different sports or different eras, there isn't much physical or statistical data on either of these women, so we're going to have to do our best using their Wikipedia profiles and some good imagination.

So if someone would please "ring the bell you pansy" we'll get right to the ABC Battle of the Network Stars:

Round 1: AGE
Hasselbeck: Born: May 28, 1977 (30)
O'Donnell: Born: March 21, 1962 (45)

While Rosie's profession as a stand-up comedian, not to mention her off the wall political views, has probably toughened her up to take a punch, you just can't discount youth, especially if the match goes the distance.

ADVANTAGE: Hasselbeck

Round 2: HEIGHT/WEIGHT
Hasselbeck: Unknown, but ideal!
O'Donnell: Unknown, but ideal for a defensive tackle

ADVANTAGE: O'Donnell

[Rounds 3-8 Continued at SeahawkBlue.com]

This Just In: Marvin Lewis is Black Too!

Perhaps it was all the hype given to Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith, for being the first two African American coaches to reach the Super Bowl. Perhaps it was just the pressure of seeing his crew spend more time in the cooler than Colonel Hogans boys during the full run of the series. Or perhaps it is the first crack in the armor and an indication of how so many players from one team could get into so much trouble in such a short period of time.

But whatever the reason, Marvin Lewis spoke out the other day on the Dan Patrick show, seemingly to remind everyone that he's black.

"I think there's profiling, no question. We're [Cincinnati] a small place, our guys stand out, and they know that and you've got to do things the right way, but when you are arrested for, or you are pulled over for not putting on your turn signal, there's something wrong there. Many people make right turns without putting on their turn signals and that's unfortunate that we've had a guy that's pulled over for not putting on his turn signal."

There are code words used by both sides in the racial equality lexicon, and "profiling" is one of the big ones. By dropping the P-word, Lewis was basically playing the race card, whether he would rather retract his statement a day later or not. I'm sure the Bengals organization would like to grab Marvin Lewis, shake him and yell "what the fuck are you doing, channeling the ghost of Johnny Freaking Cochran??!!"

Sure, it sucks to be pulled over for not using a turn signal. It's happened to me, and usually, you wind up getting a warning or a ticket, and that's the end of the story. However, if you're pulled over for it at the wrong time, in the wrong part of the city, with the wrong stuff in your possession or in your vehicle, it becomes a bigger issue. Whether your a receiver or a receptionist, black or white.

And to try to minimize the past transgressions of Chris Henry by painting him as a victim of a questionable stop over an insignificant driving violation is laughable. To do it with the race card up your sleeve is irresponsible.

Up until now, Marvin Lewis has been like a Teflon Toilet, maintaining his pristine image as each one of these locker room turds hit the bowl and get flushed through the system, not leaving so much as a tell-tale skid mark on their coach. However, by making these irresponsible statements, and then doing the prepared statement apology dance a day later, I think he's just stepped up as the focal point for all the problems and issues surrounding the Bengals.

And with so many of his players in orange jumpsuits, rather than orange jerseys, Marvin Lewis has a better chance of being the next African American head coach on the unemployment line, than the Superbowl sideline.

Real Men Don't Eat Keyshawn

Lord, have mercy. Keyshawn Johnson retired.

[cue applause]

That's not a bad thing. After 11 NFL seasons, a Super Bowl ring, three Pro Bowls, the status of being the #1 pick of the draft -- he has enjoyed a great football career. I can respect that.

The worst thing I heard today is that ESPN hired him as a pregame analyst.

[cue giant sucking wind sound]

I am honestly dreading these broadcasts. He was annoying enough as a player, when it wasn't his job to talk and form a respectable opinion. But now....?

I can see it already - "Just Gimme the Damn Microphone!" should hit the shelves this summer. His gameday co-analysts will struggle for their due face time as he rambles about things he imagined did on the field. When asked about another player in the game, Johnson will somehow answer the question by talking about himself. And someone, at some point, will goad him into saying something offensively stupid.

Lord, have mercy.

Here's a little bonus Keyshawn for those that have forgotten about his wonderful personality: