Friday, May 25, 2007

Tale of the Tape: Hasselbeck vs O'Donnell

This isn't a comparison of Superbowl quarterbacks Matt and Neil, but rather a tale of the tape to determine who would win the battle had push really come to shove between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on the View.

And unlike comparing great athletes from different sports or different eras, there isn't much physical or statistical data on either of these women, so we're going to have to do our best using their Wikipedia profiles and some good imagination.

So if someone would please "ring the bell you pansy" we'll get right to the ABC Battle of the Network Stars:

Round 1: AGE
Hasselbeck: Born: May 28, 1977 (30)
O'Donnell: Born: March 21, 1962 (45)

While Rosie's profession as a stand-up comedian, not to mention her off the wall political views, has probably toughened her up to take a punch, you just can't discount youth, especially if the match goes the distance.

ADVANTAGE: Hasselbeck

Hasselbeck: Unknown, but ideal!
O'Donnell: Unknown, but ideal for a defensive tackle


[Rounds 3-8 Continued at]


  1. Ill ask this over here, too.

    What does Jon Stewart have to do with Rosie O Donnell? Is he a ex victim? A masochist? Im very curious.

    Btw Alba and Bloof - you can add my name anytime. Im just more comfortable with my name being synonomous with the site, being Ive been here for a long time. : ).

  2. Maybe alba esteems Stewart as a gay liberal.

  3. Liberal yes, gay no
    ...but he seems willing to learn!

  4. Thanks for clearing that up on the Blue. That was weirding me out. Its one thing for Stweart to do Rosie, but for him to turn her gay to top it...yeah...thats the extent my brain explored.


    One last question now that this thing is up do I stayed login? I figured it was a 'until you turn the comp off' thing...but apparently not. I dunno. Im so anxious.

    Great job. I love this new attitude, too...I dont have to worry about wording.

  5. Goodbye, Rosie.

    Wanna tell you a story
    'Bout a woman I know
    When it comes to lovin'
    Oh, she steals the show
    She ain't exactly pretty
    She ain't exaclty small
    You could say she's got it ALLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

    Never had a woman, never had a woman like you
    Doin' all the things, doin' all the things you do
    Ain't no fairy story
    Ain't no skin-and-bones
    But you give all you got, weighin' in at nineteen stone

    You're a whole lotta woman
    A whole lotta woman
    I gotta whole lotta Rosie
    A whole lotta Rosie
    A whole lotta Rosie
    I gotta whole lotta woman, yeah-yeah-yeah

    Honey, you can do, do it to me all night long
    Only one can turn, only one can turn me on
    All through the night-time
    Right around the clock
    To my suprise, Rosie never stops

    You're a whole lotta woman
    A whole lotta woman
    I gotta whole lotta Rosie
    A whole lotta Rosie
    A whole lotta Rosie
    I gotta whole lotta woman, yeah-yeah-yeah

  6. Rosie may be fat, loudmouthed, and lesbian, but I don't care. That's not why I don't like her.

    If she was civil, let Elizabeth speak, didn't put words in her mouth, and backed up her own statements with facts I would respect her.