Thursday, November 08, 2007

Prophecy and Blasphemy for the 49ers Game

1: The word of Bloof.
2: Hear this, ye old screaming fans, and give ear, all ye inhabitants of the hawks nest. Hath this been in your seasons, or even in the seasons of your fathers?
3: Tell ye your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children another generation.
4: That which Alexander hath left, Morris shall run; and that which LeRoy Hill hath left, Bentley will tackle; and that which the Holmgren hath left, Walrii shall gnash sardines.
5: Awake, ye drunkards, and weep; and howl, all ye drinkers of Bud; for it is not enough to help you forget.
6: For a lameass team is come up upon our stadium, weak, and with injuries, whose teeth are the teeth of an Englishman, and he hath the mouth parts of a great homosexual.
7: He hath laid our Kevin Bentley to waste, and rammed the ball through his pensive assignment: he hath made a driveway, and trodden through it; the tackles thereof have been ankle biters.
8: Lament like a virgin penetrated by the husband of her youth.
9: Be ye ashamed, O ye 12th man; howl, O ye bloggers, for the days of Knox; because the harvest of 2000 draft is perished.
10: The running back is dried up, and the offensive line languisheth; the great left tackle, the leader at center, and hall of fame fullback, even all the touchdown celebrations, are withered: because joy is withered away from the running game.
11: Gird yourselves, and lament, ye fans: howl, ye holders of the 12th man flag; come, lie all night in the parking lot, ye tailgaters of my team: for the meat offering and the drink offering is withholden from the house of Qwest.
12: Sanctify ye a fast, call a solemn assembly, gather the bloggers and all the forum dwellers of the land into the house of the 12th man, and cry aloud unto the field,
13: Alas for the day! for the day of the Seahawks is at hand, and as a destruction from the NFC West champs shall it come.
14: Is not the crimson and gold homosexuals cut off before our eyes, yea, joy and gladness from the house of our team?
15: The scrotum is rotten under their groin, their manhood is laid desolate, the fags are bewildered; for the penis is withered.
16: How do the 49ers groan! the quarterback is perplexed, because he has no clue; yea, the starting left tackle is injured.
17: The remaining left tackle of the field cry also unto thee: for he is a pussy, and he will be facing Tapp and Peterson.
18: Glory be unto our team. That is, of course, unless we have fourth and one.


  1. And let us all say, Amen!

    (Note to 49er fans: that is not Ahhh Men!)

  2. " The scrotum is rotten under their groin"

    f-ing hilarious