Thursday, August 09, 2007

The Crying Game

God I love this time of the football season!

It's like the first time you reach up to start unbuttoning the shirt of your high school sweetheart, and she doesn't grab your hand and pull it away!

Am I really that suave, or is she just easy? Are we gonna have sex, or will I just get shut down sliding into third? Who cares, I've got bare tit and I'm loving it!

That's how I feel as preseason games are upon us and network media pundits are publishing their reviews from NFL training camps. And it does matter if you follow the Raiders or the Colts, every fan of every team is at near orgasmic levels of optimism in August.

And to read the reports, every one of the 32 NFL franchises is resembling a nymphomaniac Beyonce look-a-like, with a well stock fridge and liquor cabinet, who medaled in gymnastics and has a Masters degree in the Kama Sutra.

That's why I find myself trying to take in all this information with a golf ball sized grain of salt. If today's report from camp is that our DBs are picking off passes left and right, does this mean our defense has improved, or is our offense sputtering? If the reports are that the running backs are gashing through huge holes for long gains, does this mean the offensive line has finally come together, or that our defense tackles are getting pushed around like grocery carts?

Who the fuck cares? As any hormone enraged teenager or liquored up bar closer will tell you, it doesn't really matter if she's a 10 or a 2, the prospect of getting laid is exciting!

But the truth of the matter is that once the regular season begins, at least half of the the fans with an Eddie Murphy-like feeling of nausia, as they reach down and discover that their dream girl has mysteriously similar plumbing to thyne own!

The beauty of the NFL is, with its parity and frequent injuries, that nobody really knows which teams will turn out to be Jaye Davidson.

All fans just hope and pray that it's not their own!


  1. Ok, what did I miss? I don't get the humor behind your pictures with the misspelled words.

    Good read though.

  2. Thanks Frank.

    Actually, it was inpired by another Grimey, who went and launched the loljocks site you see in the list of links.

    Scroll down too and check out the icanhascheezburger site in the Other Shit section, and I think it'll start making sense.

  3. LOL, pretty good. I hated the snap shot windows popping up until this post, they are brilliant here.

    Oh, and I've held my tongue (kinder, gentler me) but lolcats/jocks/hawks... not really funny. That's all I have to say about that... carry on.

  4. well, I guess even bad feedback is good.

    do others feel the same way?

    or are you jsut pissed at my crackback over at SeahawksInsider?

  5. I'm not really feeling the LOLstuff or whatever. I mean, ize not getting a big enjoy from it. Then again, I think watching a movie of some naked dude running up to a reporter during a live broadcast and ripping a huge fart as he goes past is the pinnacle of humor.

    I like the new, foulmouthed and non pc Alba. If you like, I can write an article about being at the game on Sunday night. I already mentioned it on the Board That Shall Not Be Named under the "Hawks/Chargers things I liked and didn't like" thread.

  6. Hey John, er, Alba, maybe you can hook a retard up and tell me how to show my real name of Blue Seven.

  7. Hey, Blue7's back on the Street!

    Welcome back dude.

    Just click the Other button and enter Blue7 in the Name field instead of "Tim".

    Looking forward to many more comments from you now that you're back.

    Iz happy 2C Blue7!

  8. Man, oh man, I think I lost a few more brain cells on Sunday night than I previously thought.

    Thanks, Alba!

  9. Missed the thing at Hughesblog, was it funny? What day/post?