Friday, August 24, 2007

What I Learned From... Getting pummelled by the cheese

OK, OK, I know, this is waaay late. But I'm getting back on the blogging saddle here after moving, a vacation, and a sweet hematoma I picked up from water skiing (registration required). But there are some things about the last game that just need to be said.

First of all, there is the humiliation of the final score - the most points the Packers have scored in a preseason game in 69 years blah blah blah. Keep in mind that abysmal performances are all about context. For example, the thought of being pummeled to death by cheese is a pretty frightening one. But in the context of the above photo, hmmm, not so bad.

What, then of the context of the previous game? The beauty of it all is that it's fucking preseason, folks. Not that any loss with this sort of score is a good thing, but if you're going to lay an egg, do it here. There was more to be learned from this game than possibly any other game this season. It will make the Seahawks better. That's what the preseason is for.

So here is the list:

  • How many of you were a bit terrified when you realized that Tom Ashworth was starting at left tackle? All I could think of at that point was, no wonder he is benching Hasselbeck. He's throwing Seneca to the wolves with a steak around his neck. Holmgren knows Ashworth blew it against the Lions last year. This was his chance to see if that was an anomaly, or Ashworth really is a one-position man. Well, lesson learned. Now it appears he is a third-string right tackle, and on the bubble.
  • I think the next person that gets a penalty on special teams should get sodomized by a whale.
  • Brandon Mebane will be starting by mid-season, if not sooner.
  • There are definitely some new wrinkles in the defense, but Grant and Russell may take a while to show why they were signed on.
  • Marcus Trufant is playing better since switch back to the other side of the field. You can even see it in his walk.
  • David Greene is done. Done, done, done. If you can't throw worth a shit, you can't play quarterback in the NFL. (Insert Mike Vick joke here).

That's all I got. It's preseason for me, too.


  1. Man, does the sun NEVER shine in Wisconsin or is that cheese bra on a cadaver?

    It may be hard to house a horney whale on the sidelines, or to expect a 40-ton swimming male to maintain an erection long enough to sodomize 8-10 players, so I think we should just force special teams players who get called for holding to have to wash Coach Holmgren's their mouths!

    Next to Hasselbeck and Wallace, David Greene looks done. Next to Mike Vick and Joey Harrington, he just may be starter material!

  2. I can get one of those where?

  3. Just to prove we're a full service sports blog...

    Now we expect you to return and post some pictures of you modeling your new purchase!

  4. The fact that you don't know where to get a picture of a giant whale cock proves that you guys are rookies.

    Yes, that link is real. Stunning, no? Safe for work? I really don't know, how do whale penis' go over at your job?