Monday, August 20, 2007

Mike Vick is Dead, Long Live Ron Mexico!

With his guilty plea today, Mike Vick's income earnining potential is as dead as those underperforming pit bulls buried in his backyard.

But with the prospect of owing as much as $28 million back to the Falcons, and another $250-large to the government, he's got to find something more lucrative than night-manager at Denny's once he's released from jail.

Enter: Ron Mexico, Porn Star!

The best way for Mike Vick to start earning some scratch as a rehabilitated member of society might be the adult film industry. Here, his conviction and jail time will be seen as resume material, and after 1-3 years inside, he'll be primed and experienced for both straight and gay porn.

And that nasty case of the clap is as common in skin flix as a runny nose is in daycare, so he won't even have to blow part of his paycheck on Valtrex.

He already has a cool porn star name, so he might as well use it. The possiblities for film titles are limitless:

"Doing It Doggy Style"

"Boned By My Bad Newz Boyz"

"My Bitches Really Bark"

"From Tossing the Rock to Tossing Your Salad"

Use the comments to provide your own snappy titles for the Ron Mexico Film Anthology.


  1. How did a collection of Vick go without something along the lines of...

    Goaline Rape Stand

    Oh when I die, bury me with bags of ice. I shall need all the coolant I can get!

  2. How can I possibly top that, Alan?

    "Quarterback Sacks"

    "Diary of a Former Tight End"

    "Do Me One Last Favre"

    When I die, scatter my ashes in the Edward Jones dome. I want to haunt the fuck out of them.

  3. "Standing Firm in Your Pocket"

    "Slammin' Ookie in the Can"

    "Bad Newz Bares"

    "How I Blanked My Owner Up His Blankin' Blank!"