Friday, October 10, 2008

Ask the two creepy guys watching the Mist tryouts

As you may have heard, The Seattle Mist are already the best football team in Seattle holding tryouts. Ok, they already held them. These two guys did their best not to hold on to their own flagpoles while doing nothing to disprove everyone's favorite sterotype of construction workers: they womanize!

I'm sure there was plenty of cat calling going on at the tryouts by these two guys, who surely sound like Scruffy the Janitor from Futurama. However, they weren't just staring at the long legs and nice breasts out there, these two guys have some pretty good football knowledge. So, I've asked them so questions about the Seahawks and the NFL.

Q: So, after a 1-3 start, can the Seahawks turn this thing around?
A: Look at that one! She catches about as good as that Stevens fellow, but she has some great tits....

(trails off)

(awkward silence)

Q: Speaking of people who can't catch, how about Koren Robinson's return. Will he ever make a difference?
A: .....

Q: OK then, with Matt Hasselbeck probably out this Sunday, what's the key for the Seahawks against the Packers?
A: .....

Q: Last question, since you're obviously busy, what can the Seahawks do to light a fire under their damn asses?
A: First off, I'd like to light a fire under HER ass. Secondly, fire Marshal.

Thanks creepy guys watching the mist tryouts! Now, let's handicap this week's games...

Green Bay (+1.5) over SEATTLE

Hasselbeck likely out, no pass rush, John Marshall somehow still having a job (can we blame him for the economic collapse?) Yeah, I'm not looking forward to this one.

Chicago (-2.5) over ATLANTA

The Bears' defense is looking good, and Orton doesn't totally suck balls. So, Chicago's got that going for it.

NEW ORLEANS (-7) over Oakland

Al Davis has just blown the minds of everyone in Idaho by naming Tom Cable head coach. You could hear Vandal Nation go, "BWAH?" except for one minor detail: Idaho fans don't exist.

Carolina (+1.5) over TAMPA BAY

I don't care about this game so....

WASHINGTON (-13) over St. Louis

The Rams: promoting the only defensive coordinator more incompetent than Marshall to head coach. Let's see how this one plays out.

Cincinnati (+8) over NEW YORK JETS

Have the Bengals played at home yet? At the Giants, at the Cowboys, and at the Jets. And they're nearly won two of those weeks, and I think they'll fall just short again.

MINNESOTA (-13) over Detroit

Why don't the Lions play the Rams this year? Secondly, I still think the worst four teams in the NFL should play after the end of the season, just so we can answer questions like "who sucked more?" Besides, then Lions fans would shut up about never making the postseason.

Miami (+3) over HOUSTON

Houston failing to close out a football game? That's never happened before...

And I have to do this, its posting the YouTube video of ESPN's highlights from that game. Notice two things: TV graphics have made HUGE improvements since then and Chris Berman was just as annoying back then.

INDIANAPOLIS (-4) over Baltimore

I think Peyton's back. You?

DENVER (-3.5) over Jacksonville

I don't know what Denver team is going to show up, but I don't think the Jaguars will be bouncing back from that physical MNF game this week.

Dallas (-5) over ARIZONA

Of course, the week I do decide to place bets, I do a three team parlay. I figure, why not profit on Seattle's inability to win on the East coast and after a bye? Check. The Colts beating the Texans? Dramatic check. The Bills just needing to beat the toothless Cardinals. Goddamnit.

PHILADELPHIA (-5) over San Francisco

I'm still mad about that Bills game now that I've reminded myself of it.

SAN DIEGO (-5.5) over New England

The Patriots might have been able to take care of business against a team like San Fran, but making two cross country trips in a row and then playing a real football team? Not happening. And no, I will not look at the current NFC West standings.

New York Giants (-5.5) over CLEVELAND

Awesome, we get to watch the Browns suck in Prime Time...again. I'm almost glad I have a meeting to cover that night.

Enjoy the games...and the Mist!

1 comment:

  1. Damn! So much to comment on.

    1. Listening to Berman - he's lost a lot. He used to bring so much energy and vigor to the highlights, I loved that guy. Now he's just looking forward to the end of the season so he can shake hands again with Jackson as they call it a year.

    2. Now I know why Warren has so many DUIs. You'd swear he was drinking on his drives even then.

    3. Anyone know when mist tickets go on sale?