Sunday, September 21, 2008

John Marshall explained

This is John Marshall. He is the defensive coordinator for the Seattle Seahawks. His defensive play calling is credited as being the inspiration for Ritalin. Its voidness of imagination has blown the mind of every artist on Seattle's non-conformist scene. In fact, his diagram that showed 11 x's with arrows pointing forward hangs proudly in a coffee shop near the Seahawks' training facility.

The piece is titled "How could it fail?"

Some other facts about John Marshall

~John Marshall can play the guitar, but only in the key of C. Flats and sharps? Those are the tools of the out there punk rockers.

~John Marshall's favorite color is beige. If you suggest something that is egg shell white, he will fake blitz the shit out of you.

~John Marshall's mind is so rigid that he finds it hard to follow such complex movies as Memento, The Matrix, and Snakes on a Plane.

Viewing it in Spanish did not help Marshall.

~A handy note for Seattle's waitresses, if you give him a sandwich with this new fangled "wheat" bread, he'll play a soft zone against your tip. It better be white bread.

~After hard days at work, John Marshall likes to spike his water...with ice.

~To gameplan for opponents, John Marshall doesn't watch film. He goes into a Soviet-era Isolation Chamber. 

1 comment:

  1. ...he will fake blitz the shit out of you.


    Oh, oh, I got one:

    ~John Marshall only has sex in the missionary position, with females only, and no foreplay. Anything else makes him embarrassingly flaccid and he starts punching pillows.