Friday, September 19, 2008

Mr Goodell, The Middle Finger is None of Your Effing Business

Dear Mr. Goodell,

It has recently come to my attention that you have levied a $7500 fine toward Steelers LB James Farrior for displaying a rude gesture toward Cleveland Browns fans.

As much as I would like to see any member of the Steelers organization and fan base punitively sodomized, I must disagree with your ruling. It is egregious, inconsistent, and un-American. How can you attempt to censor the righteous use of "the bird" when the phrase "fuck you" is as common and tolerable as high-fives and ass slaps?

This gesture is an often appropriate and meaningful rebuke, and has its place in modern life. In the case of Farrior, it was directed to Cleveland fans celebrating an injury to Steeler safety Ryan Clark. His simple communication was a concise retort they no doubt understood as meaning, "You folks are piles of corn shit."

Just to make a point, there are a few of us that would like to let you know what we think of your policy:

Yes, Briney Spears Disapproves. Meh.

Lindsay Lohan says, "Sit and spin Rog!"

Jodi Foster hates you and the fact she locked herself out of the house

Avril Lavigne gives you two bony, nicotine-stained birds

Tommy Lee gets it, and remember he has a huge schlong and did Pamlea Anderson

Justin Timberlake thinks you're an idiot and hates pumping his own gas

Usher, tip o' the cap. Yeaaah riiiight. 

Kim Kardashian - I'm a little unclear, but I think this is an offer

Keith Richards is annoyed by you and the fact that he's made of scrotums

Katie Couric is just so effing cute! She farts rainbows and poops butterflies!

Johnny Cash wants you to stick it in your ring of fire

Christopher Columbus discovered America, and had a concise message for the Indians

Yes, the President of the whole damn United States says, 'fuck you.'

Pat Robertson really has no clue what it'means, except maybe "God is #1!"

I'm pretty sure this is when Judas left the room

Thanks to all my loyal readers - all seven of you



  1. Look at Avril Lavigne, she's such a rebel!

    She also will follow in Keith Richards' footsteps and be made out of scrotums in ten years.

  2. i don,t know which son of god did this but take my words

    my lord still forgives u.

    my day is not yet come

    (Stranger from heaven)

  3. The way Eric Clapton plays rhythm barre chords on his guitar appears like he is flipping the bird.

  4. I fucking died laughing reading this lol