Monday, July 23, 2007

Tim Donaghy: The Movie

No matter how things ultimately turn out in the NBA Ref Game Fixing saga, one thing on which you can bet the farm is that there's a gaggle of would-be screenwriters out there hacking out script ideas to pitch to Hollywood. At least I hope that the eventual movie is a major motion picture and not some lameass ESPN production. The last thing I want to see is John Turturro and his Mickey Mouse ears running up and down the hardcourt over the span of several weeks!


I know the facts of the case are yet to be revealed, and as yet nobody has even been officially charged of anything, but this has all the makings for a summer blockbuster. You've got racial tension of a white official fixing a predominantly black game. You've got the FBI squaring off against yet-to-be-named organized crime figures. And you have the Jewish conspiracy question of "what did David Stern know, and when did he know it?"

We'll worry about who will play what roles later, once more names and faces are added to the mix, but for now, as they say in Hollywood, let's cut to the chase.

In other words, how does this movie end, or more specifically, what will be the fate of Mr. Tim Donaghy?

As I see it, there are four possible outcomes:

A) a long term reservation at the greybar hotel
B) a guilt-ridden suicide
C) a Soprano's style gangland whacking
D) a Jimmy Hoffa-esque disappearance

Smart money is on option A) above, as the other three more dramatic endings usually only occur in the cinema, but those are the ones that the screenwriters are hoping for.

A guilt ridden suicide is the most lame, as it makes the ref into a sympathetic character and robs the bloodthirsty viewers of the ultimate rub out, especially those who may have lost money on actual games Donaghy had officiated.

The gangland hit has the most potential, from a classic movie ending standpoint, but it's pretty cliche' at this point, so much so the final episode of The Sorpanos decided that sucking was a better option.

Option D) provides a lot of intrigue (and possibly a sequel) as it leaves a ton of unanswered questions. Did the mob get to him? Did the FBI dump him in witness protection? Did he escape and is now living on the lamb? Or did David Stern exercise his ultimate authority as the most powerful commissioner of the four three major sports leagues, and call in the hit himself?

So while we all have to wait to see what ultimately happens to this weasley bastard who has now called into question every ump, ref, and officiating crew working the major leagues.

Readers are welcome to use the comment area and try your hand at writing the final scene of Tim Donaghy: The Movie yourself. For my money, I'd like to see him and Bill Leavy holding hands while driving off the edge of a cliff Thelma and Louise style!

(this item was written before reading the similarly themed Bill Simmons piece on ESPN.com)

12 comments:

  1. Big Suns fan in addition to being a Seahawks fan.

    I think the Refs just have it in for me personally.

    PaulieP

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  2. Now that you've admitted this, you best have clean phone records, or the FBI may want to talk to you in conjuction with the the death-threats said dipshit has been receiving!

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  3. I think it might be my subscription to "killtheref.com" that might get me into trouble.

    PaulieP

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  4. By the by, for my final scene, if any of you have ever seen the opening scene of Robocop, you'll understand what I'm hoping for.

    PaulieP

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  5. dammit...now you're going to go make me rent that to refresh my memory!

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  6. Shaq, who has acting experience (if you use a vauge definition of the term) and is a cop (ditto) needs to play a role in this film.

    Hell, he can get a bogus foul called on him, then you see the camera dissolve so you see Shaq's confused face slowly come to a realization, where superimposed on the shot is a quick montage of a guy accepting money, you hear a voice say into the telephone "It'll be fixed...put money on Dallas," and then finally the closing shot of the montage is the refs face.

    Then Shaq yells "FBI!" pulls out a gun and chases him off the court. Hey, if Armaggedon can put guns on a spaceship, NBA players certainly can pack heat on the court. They probably do anyway.

    I put way to much thought into this.

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  7. http://youtube.com/watch?v=24WrH-XIezg


    Last minute or so is the important part. I guess it isn't the VERY beginning, but the first important part.

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  8. Thanks for saving me the $1.99 rental from the bargain bin!

    Is that Red Foreman as the leader of the bad guys?

    Dumbass!

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  9. You missed some potential endings where the ref bolts, either like The Fugitive, or better yet, like Butch in Pulp Fiction.

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  10. Good point and great reference. Although, if this is true, I'd rather see him go out like the redneck pawn shop owner who sodomizes the Ving Rhimes character!

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  11. Hmmmm... Intriguing idea.

    I think I would have the movie end with Stern and Donaghy on the beach in Cazumel sipping some fruity drinks, casually masturbating and talking about old times.

    Then, Jim Gray pops out of the sand with a microphone, asking pointed questions. Ron Artest swings down from a palm tree, spills their drinks, and begins landing punches. Larry Bird, dressed as Jesus Christ, walks to them from the ocean and gives an icy stare.

    As Stern and Donaghy run away, they fight their way through a cluster of orchids and hide in a magic cave in the side of a cliff that looks like Serena Willam's ass.

    The magic cave tranports them back in time, and they find themselves in center court immediately after Suns lost game 5 of the Conference Finals to the Spurs.

    An announcement is made that the game was fixed, but it still counts.

    Crowd rushes the court towards Stern and Donaghy, then fade to black.

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  12. OUTSTANDING!

    Welcome back my good man.

    You've been missed.

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