Sunday, May 27, 2007

Rank and File: Hire a Head Coach

Imagine yourself the owner of a brand-new NFL expansion football team. You have a new state-of-the-art stadium, a roster full of good players and a staff full of 20 year-old blond bimbos with DD cups and dentures.

You're just missing one thing - a Head Coach.

To solve the problem, NFL commissioner Richie Cunningham made a rediculous offer to you - in exchange for just one of your 20 year-old blond bimbos with DD cups and dentures, he will arrange it so you can have any coach you want, even if you have to pilfer him from another NFL team. The only caveat is that they must either be currently coaching or have served as a coach in the last five years.

Since not every coach will be willing to move, he asks that you give him a list of five coaches, in order of preference.

What would your list look like? Write it in the comments.

Remember, this is a business. Leave your sentimental favorites out of it and pick a winner.

Here is my list:
  1. Bill Belichick
  2. Mike Holmgren
  3. Tony Dungy
  4. Sean Payton
  5. Lovie Smith

If you say 'Scott Linehan', you're gay.


  1. 1. Bill Belichick (masterful)
    2. Mike Holmgren (QB/offense maker)


    3. Lovie Smith (drafts pretty well)

    *bigger gap*

    4. Andy Reid (mini-masterful)

    *biggest gap*

    5. Tony Dungy (how much has he contributed as opposed to Peyton Manning)

    Just missed:
    -Sean Payton
    -Herm Edwards
    -Marvin Lewis (move him into 5th if I have a say in the draft...if not, his character questions bug me)

  2. Sorry, I just read "Herm Edwards" and pissed myself. Unless you are looking for a consistently high draft pick...

    My choices:

    José Mourinho, the Special One
    Al Saunders/Greggggg Williams and the rest of the Deadskins staff, but only if we get to bury Gibbs in Al Davis' tomb.
    The Walrus, but only if I get Andy Reid with him, no doubt one has a heart attack in year one, I'll need a spare tire. Get it, spare tire?
    Joe Pa, for making them damn hooligans clean the stadium.