Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Who's Now? ESPN, You Ignorant Slut

Call me a throwback; a crumudgeon; a bona fide, old school, pain in the ass. From my very first glance of the Who's Now segment on ESPN's SportCenter, I greeted it with a filthy abhorrence.

Granted, it's a completely harmless and benign exercise of fan preference. Nobody dies or gets hurt. But deep down, the sports fan in me wants to tell the folks at ESPN to stop altering the goddamn fundamentals of sport.

Throughout July, "SportsCenter" will air "Who's Now," a daily series in which viewers will help ESPN determine the ultimate sports star by considering both on-field success and off-field buzz. Based on fan nominations, ESPN Research selected 32 finalists to square off in a single-elimination bracket. The winner of each matchup will advance based upon fan voting (70 percent) and ESPN's three-person panel (30 percent).

This is flat wrong. Sports are, and always have been, about winning. At the sacred fundament of sports is the novel concept that at end of a contest, you are the winner if your score is better that the others. Peceived Greatness and fame in sports comes from doing it repeatedly and against worthy opponents.

Winning the game is the whole purpose of any sport. Popularity, respect, and pussy are all secondary during the contest.

Now I can understand if you're thinking, "Now wait a minute. When I played, it was all about the poon. When I won, I got laid. When I lost, I played the pity card and still got laid. That's what it's all about."

I totally respect that, BUT--I don't know about you, but I was going to get mine anyway. With or without sports, I was determined to hit the love bucket, and not my own speedbag. Sports had nothing to do with it, and it doesn't for anyone else. I firmly believe Wilt Chamberlain would have been a porn star if it weren't for basketball, and he still would have scored penetrated 100 on that fateful night in Hershey, Pennsylvania, just in a different way.

What is ESPN accomplishing with this load of crap, other than turn good athletes into the Paris Hiltons of Sports? Some of their nominees haven't done shit, i.e., Matt Leinart, and yet they are being vaunted as an icon, and attempting to comare him with the likes of Tiger Woods.

This is deplorable. In the same vein as the ESPy's, ESPN is whoring sports into a mindless, empty hype; where given honors are determined, not on the field, but by the number of headlines they can milk from it.

Bottom line: "Off-field buzz" has nothing to do with a player's greatness. Get it the fuck out.

UPDATE: Sports Hernia makes fun of the Now, too.


UPDATE UPDATE: Awful Announcing offers the video clip if you are interested in masochhism.



16 comments:

  1. Thank you!

    I've been thinking about writing basically the same piece about this piece of shit tournament from the first minute I heard about it, and now you saved me the trouble.

    The should rename it "What's Wrong with Sports Coverage NOW?" and they'd be right on the money.

    It's not bad enough that ESPN has muddied the on-field competition with everyone playing more to make SportCenter highlights than to win a championship, but now they're trying to make the sports we love into a glorified beauty contest. (wait, what the fuck is more glorified than a beauty contest?)

    This is taking Sports Reporting further down the slippery slope of "reality TV", as everyone is trying to catch American Idol lightning in the bottle. ESPN, did you learn NOTHING from failed experiments like Dream Job and Quite Frankly??!!

    Anyhow, to make this more laughable, you have THREE MEN discussing the NOW-ness of Matt Lineart and Tiger Woods. Excuse me, but if you want to be technically accurate, the NOW-ness as more to do with a player's sex appeal than anything else, so how about you mix in a female or two, or at least get Greenie on the panel??!!

    Honestly, I don't want to see Linda Cohen, Suzy Kolber and Rachel Nichols discussing the NOW-ness of Michele Wie, Maria Sharpova and any one of the fine snatches from the WNBA! Now, if they were all naked, then THAT would be must-see TV (with the exception of Cohen, of course)

    Ooops, I guess I went ahead and wrote my piece anyway. Thanks for the impetus Bloof.

    You complete me!

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  2. It's a mess. It makes that old, AWFUL 'HearSay' segment on SportsCenter look like the original Baseball Tonight.

    The sad thing was seeing Michael Wilbon on there who must have been contractually forced to sit there.

    ESPNd 'the douche' has such a nicer ring to it.

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  3. I completely agree. It's asinine the way it's setup. Do you recall hearing Wilbon saying that Roger Federer possibly losing his battle against adversary Tony Parker? I thought that was ridiculous of even glooming of a thought of such crap. Since this is an obvious individual player gig, Federer dominates Parker in every way -- Rog' is the most dominate player in tennis at the moment. Parker? He's rode along Tim-Duncan-avenue for two NBA titles, and then in this past one he done his part winning Finals MVP.

    Now I don't see how that validates Parker and certifies him over Federer. If 'voters' actually give their click on Parker's side instead of Federer, it will be nonsensical. Even going back, Wilbon or whoever it was that spurted it out of their mouth might feel like that could happen only because Parker is probably more known in the US (sad fact), so he believes 'voters' will put Parker over. But if they do, that will show the fall of the sports fan.

    The off-the-field crap seems to me like it's only there to fill in some kind of void that ESPN sees where they can get more jibe in the hype by talking about it.

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  4. you are missing the point. while off the field doesn't have anything to do with how good a player is, and winning a championship doesnt require a hot girlfriend, it does create interest. This isn't a bracket to determine the best player in sports, it is to determine who is the biggest celeberty in sports. Wheather you like it or not, and it appears like not, sports stars are celebrities just like tom cruise, or jessica alba. They are in the public eye at all times, while they are at work, movies or competition, as well as when they are off the job.

    The Who's now? is looking for the biggest celebrity in sports. The most recegnizable athlete in america, the person who can walk down any street in america, and have people turn and go, "whoa, its that guy" in the same way top actors do.

    I like it, its fun. get over it

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  5. Who's now is crap. OOOOHH I'm at the edge of my seat to see who America thinks is more "now" a guy that plays a game that is popular everywhere but here or an iconic tailback amongst the best at America's favorite game. Who'll win this nailbiter? More importantly who gives a shit?

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  6. is it as good as:
    the analysis of week 10 football season? No
    recap of week 9 football? No
    Highlights of Basketball? no
    top 10 dunks of the day/week/whatever? no
    But its freaking july, and sportscenter doesn't go offair durring the summer months or loop last months repeats. sportscenter, presents a new show daily despite what sports are going on at the time, and its freaking July where the only thing on TV is Entourage on sundays, and baseball.
    Is this better than 24/7 baseball highlights/recaps? hell yeah
    Is this better than baseball all together? yup

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  7. The Who's Now doesn't belong on ESPN, because it isn't sports. It's fucking People magazine. I don't read it, and I don't watch E! either. If I wanted to watch this kind of fluff, I would go there. But ESPN was, once upon a time, about sports, and I liked it. But now they are going in another direction, one that robs a true sports fan of what they would hope for in channel content.

    And don;t give me any of the 'nothing better to put on the air' BS. THey have enough content for three channels.

    ESPN is becoming as much about sports as MTV is about music, and it sucks for those that liked it for what it was.

    -Not anonymous

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  8. I dunno, I think Matt Leinart is a dreamboat...

    Anyone seen his "what moves u" commercial? It's awesome. It's the exact same one that Steve Smith did, but with 1/8th the emotion. My kid immediately falls asleep upon seeing it. Nice work Matt. I guess the syphillis makes him lethargic...

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  9. "Is this better than baseball all together? yup"

    Right...because you don't like baseball ESPN is justified in airing this drivel. Come back when you learn to argue at least at a gradeschool level.

    -Grimey

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  10. @ anonymous/Grimey, shouldn't you be waiting in line for the Simpsons movie?

    Although I generally agree with your post... that other anonymous is a mmp-bag.

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  11. I agree, I'd love to be in line to see the movie. Much better than working/arguing about who's now.

    Ok, I did some research and found out what a cobag is. What is a mmp-bag?

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  12. I'm holding that e-grudge forever. F that dude, dude.

    @Grimey, you aren't the deadspin/ksk Grimey?

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  13. Hey 'purist' assholes it's fun!Let's think about this.It's the middle of baseball season(read slow sports news season),they thankfully only talk about soccer at a minimum,Mike Vick,who didn't think this over-rated slow minded, and I use the term loosely, quarterback was anything but a punk,and the WNBA.Thank God for fast left handed turns.So sit back make fun of 'Who's Now' if you like and go Peyton/Vols!Bet ya' can't figger' out what 98 in pitdoug98 means.Pre-season save us all.Later dazed and confused.

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  14. Thank God this is almost done! What annoys me is how it's such a blatant attempt to kill time. Just look at the drawn-out introduction. All of ESPN's graphics take too long. Why not show a few 2-second clips instead of the latest graphic crap?

    Yeah, it's not the greatest time of the year for the big sports. But let's look at other sports - Alan Webb set the U.S. 1,500 record and couldn't even get a mention. What other secondary sports are getting slighted? Or go more in-depth with stories already covered.

    This is just Stu Scott doing what Stu Scott wants to do - hang out with celebrities. Why the hell are we asking what Kevin James and Jessica Beal think?

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  15. Matt - gotta agree with almost everything you said, except of course for the last sentence.

    Anything that gets Jessica Beal more screen time on my 50" plasma is okay by me!

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