Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Giants Running Back Gets Sooo Wasted and then Sooo Arrested But Escapes Getting Sooo Run Over by a Car
Often-inactive and otherwise statistically-challenged Danny Ware got his slurry on during the bye week, decided to stand in traffic and attempt to form sentences with a female of the opposite sex.
Ware and a 24-year-old Dallas woman attracted a police officer’s attention at about 2:25 a.m. Sunday at East Clayton Street near North Jackson Street because they seemed oblivious to traffic that had to steer around them as they stood in the street talking, according to police.
Ware admitted that he’d been drinking, and a breath test showed he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.152 grams, police said.
Yeah, I know -- who cares, right? Before today, I didn't know the man existed. But you know what? I still don't.
Before I talk any football, I need to get this out of the way.
Over the weekend, I read via RSS feeds on my crackberry about the ignorant asshat that posted 9/11 jokes as NY Giants smack. I find his attempts at humor abhorrent, putrific, and shameful. Sports are a welcome diversion to all the tragedy in life - but horseshit like this has the capacity to suck all the life and fun right out the experience.
I had some time to think about the issue on the road trip back home yesterday, and one thought kept popping up in my little mind: These deplorable jokes have apparently been posted on numerous low-life web sites for some time. Why there such a widespread outcry now? Why the sudden outcry when the jokes are used on a football site?
There may be some merit to the idea that Seahawks vs. Giants is a topic this week anyway, and something this controversial will automatically get launched to the top.
But that's not the real reason these jokes have taken greater offense.
It's because we expect better from football fans.
It's one thing to hear vile things come out of the mouth of someone you already consider a scumbag. It's quite another thing to hear the same words come out of someone of respect.
To illustrate: If you overhear some socially retarded punk on the street crack a horrifying joke about aborted fetuses, you would likely be offended, but dismissive. If the President of the whole freaking United States of America parlayed that joke at a fund raiser for stem cell research, the whole damn world would be offended beyond measure. Why?
Because we expect better from public authority figures.
The world of sports fans is an amusing one. Insults and epithets abound, but at the core of fandom, there is a largely unspoken brotherly love and respect. One only has to recall the outpouring of support from all circles of NFL fans in the season following 9/11 to realize this basic underlying connection.
We also expect better from the 12th man in general. I know I'm biased, but we have become one of the greatest bunches of sports fans in the planet. We're smart, informed, witty, spirited, humane, and even-tempered. We have a sense of humor about opposing teams, but also about ourselves.
But this? It definitely sullies our reputation. It's truly pathetic, insensitive, amoral, and nauseating. It makes the worlds of amusement and tragedy collide, sucking all the fun out. Bastard.
Whomever you are, of my three loyal readers -- if you've read this far, you were probably pissed off as well.
Please join with me in moving on and forgetting this dipshit. Let's go back to making fun of the gap between Micheal Strahan's teeth.
Besides, I'm off tomorrow for the Holiday so here's your Tuesday LOLz a day early.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
I think what capped it was this look I saw on Torry Holt's face in the 4th quarter:
It wasn't constipation. It's wasn't exhaustion. It was the look of someone who was once valued and special, spent the last few weeks fighting and fighting, only to lose all faith, hope and purpose.
Maybe Torry Holt just lacks mental toughness. Douchebag.
[If you don't get the Full Metal Jacket reference, check it out here.]
Sunday, September 21, 2008
This is John Marshall. He is the defensive coordinator for the Seattle Seahawks. His defensive play calling is credited as being the inspiration for Ritalin. Its voidness of imagination has blown the mind of every artist on Seattle's non-conformist scene. In fact, his diagram that showed 11 x's with arrows pointing forward hangs proudly in a coffee shop near the Seahawks' training facility.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
[WD] Much like the sub-dermal rumblings of a classic case of Montezuma’s revenge, the inner explosions have already damaged the failing infrastructure, and boy do they stink. The capper on that is the fact that no one really wants to fix it. The only one with any evident urgency is Coach Linehan, and that’s because he’s scared to death he’s going to be back trying to win free jerky at Forrest Gump look-alike contest and rodeos. At this point, confidence is at an all time low. Torry Holt wants out, Alex Barron’s a bust, Pace is over the hill, and Marc Bulger’s battered legs won’t even let him run for his life anymore. Steven Jackson needs to be traded for picks, as well as every other marquee veteran on the team – but only if Chip cleans out the front office and brings in a real football crew first.
2. As a follow up to #1, what strength does St. Louis posses that is something to build on?
[WD] They have great helmets, and oh yeah – we love Josh Brown.
3. If you were the majority owner of the Rams, what would be on your agenda for the next month?
[WD] Well, after the arson investigation finally cleared me of any wrongdoing, I would silently thank Georgia for her inspiration and seriously consider giving up a good-sized chunk of change to lure Marshall Faulk back to the organization as a front office guy, but in the mean time, go and offer Kurt Warner a lifetime supply of Campbell’s chunky to come back and take a beating where he belongs. Then beg Dick Vermiel to come back to the organization and give him full power.
[WD] On the other hand, that is a pretty full month. Maybe I could just go on SNL and do my own Sarah Palin style skit, but instead of her I could use a Linehan look-alike and a gay Bill Belicheck for the kicker.
4. Prediction time, but not what you might think: How much longer will Linehan retain employment with the Rams?
[WD] I think a lot of that depends on this weekend. If the Rams can pull it together and somehow beat the Chickens in their own nasty coop, it may actually be a bad thing. If that happens, Linehan will probably be allowed off the plank temporarily. Though I can’t stand going up to Seattle to see another loss, especially to Matt (Who do I more resemble, Mr. Clean or a walking Ban Roll-on) Hasslebeck, it could be the best way to purge the evil chip-monk and start the wheels turning. I give him until the bye week.
5. A genie grants you one wish, but you must choose one of the following. Which is it?
- The Rams win the next three Super Bowls
- Ten years of free daily fellation
- Free beer for life
- Your own personal Jack Nicholson as a trusty sidekick
[WD] Gonna have to go with Jack on this one, this way I can still go to the Super-bowl PLUS sit that close to the Laker-girls. I don’t like beer, and there is no such thing as free fellatia – too many ways to pay. Plus, he’s just sooo damn cool!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Reading the Seattle Times Seahawk blog today, I see that Koren Robinson is not only back with the Seahawks, but he is also living the sober life now. That's great to hear. This was a receiver with a lot of potential that he never
I will take up K-Rob's drinking problem.
Fear not, K-Rob, whereas you probably aren't allowed to touch alcohol, I have access to beer and hard liquor. Even wine. Wine, Koren, sweet delicious wine! One time I decided to have a glass of it with dinner, then decided I didn't need a glass...since you know, the bottle is made out of that anyway.
I once tried to outdrink The Dude from the Big Lebowski. To make these white russians, I did not ue shot glasses...I used liquid measuing cups. Have you ever had three cups worth of white russians? Its amazing.
One time I bought a bottle of rum and when the casheir asked if I needed a bag I replied, "no." I spent the remaining party drinking from said bottle, attempting to hit on girls, and then just to be a dick pretended to be the police. Man that scared everyone at the party. I got a lot of high fives for that one. Not from the party's organizer though, I think she still hates me.
This is the level of comittment that I am offering here, K-Rob. You stay sober and focus on running routes and catching passes. Apperently Jordan Kent couldn't, which is why I had a few Killian's while debating why exactly we cut him.
So Koren, whenever you close your eyes and see that beautiful, beautiful bottle of bourbon, or when you hear the Qwest Field Beer vendors above everyone else, know this: I will drink for you. Sure there are fans that cheer loud at the game and try to help the game by making it hard for other players to hear. I, however, will be doing something just for few, Koren. I will get absolutely plowed/shit faced/pissed (for our Australian and British friends)/deee-RUNK so you don't have to.
Its the least I can do.
If you’d like to know why the Seahawks have four Pro Bowl starters on defense but still give up 30+ points to the Bills and 49ers, Brian Russell is your answer.
If you’re wondering how J.T. O’Sullivan can get sacked 8 times, but still throw for 321 yards with a touchdown and no interceptions: Brian Russell.
Did you see that Isaac Bruce, who is something like 47 years old, got 153 yards on only 4 catches? There’s a secret ingredient to that formula, and his name is Brian Russell.
I case you hadn't heard... pending physical exam, Koren is back.
Criticism of K-Drop is well documented on this site:
- Kirkland Police accused Robinson of being intoxicated when he showed up Wednesday morning to serve a one-day jail term on the DUI conviction. by ADP
- Koren Robinson’s blood-alcohol level measured .191 percent in a pair of breath tests administered by Medina Police in the early morning hours of May 6 by ADP
- The Seahawks have released WR Koren Robinson by Irish Greg
- He's Worse Than I Ever Thought by Me
- Robinson was arrested just after 3:30 a.m. on May 6 after Medina police officer David Obermiller stopped him for excessive speeding and unsafe lane travel eastbound on SR 520. Obermiller, according to a statement from Medina police, smelled alcohol on Robinson's breath and asked him to take a field sobriety test.
- Charges dismissed by prosecutors since 1998 include first-degree kidnapping, attempted first-degree sex offense, discharge of a firearm in the city, carrying a concealed weapon, driving while license revoked, no operator's license, operating a vehicle with no insurance and failure to disperse on command.
- The most serious of his arrests occurred in April of 1998. According to a North Carolina police report, Robinson was arrested on suspicion of "kidnapping a person under the age of 16 years, by unlawfully confining for the purpose of committing a felony, first-degree sex offense. (The victim) was not released in a safe place." Police charged Robinson with an attempted first-degree sex offense, first-degree kidnapping and discharging a firearm in the city. Charges were dropped because, according to the report, police were "unable to locate the prosecuting witness."
- On March 19, 2002, Robinson was pulled over on his 22nd birthday in North Carolina for driving 90 miles per hour in a 60-mph zone. The police report lists his blood alcohol level at .16, but police charged Robinson only with exceeding safe speed. The report lists the verdict as "responsible" and Robinson paid $90 in court costs and a $10 fine.
- The most recent case against Robinson in North Carolina came after he was arrested by the Raleigh police on March 14, 2003, for carrying a concealed weapon. That case was dismissed.
- On August 1, 2005, Robinson checked himself into a 28-day alcohol rehabilitation program in South Carolina. Afterwards, Robinson was acquired by the Vikings for the 2005 season.
- On Tuesday August 16th, 2006 during the 2006 pre-season it was reported that Robinson was again arrested and incarcerated for "driving while impaired". Robinson was released by the Vikings on Saturday August 26, 2006. The Vikings' decision resulted in Robinson and his agent filing a union grievance since thecollective bargaining agreement prohibits teams from releasing players for disciplinary reasons. On January 23, 2007 Robinson reached a deal with prosecutors to be sentenced on a single felony charge of fleeing police after leading officers on a high-speed chase in August, 2006. In exchange for Robinson's Alford plea, prosecutors dismissed seven lesser charges related to drunken driving, reckless driving and driving without a license.
- On February 20, 2007 Robinson was sentenced to 90 days in jail for fleeing police in August 2006. He served the sentence at the same time he serves 90 days for violating his probation in a separate drunken-driving case in Kirkland, Wash., last year. Robinson will be on probation for three years and must also must complete 80 hours of community service and pay a $1,500 fine.
|2006||Green Bay Packers||4||0||7||89||12.7||24||0||1||0||6|
|2007||Green Bay Packers||9||1||21||241||11.5||43||1||3||1||11|