Thursday, September 20, 2007

Hey Chad, Here's Some Ideas for Sunday

Given the fact that the Bengals put up 48 points in a losing effort last week, and that the Seattle cornerbacks look like stunt doubles for Pappa Smurf, you know Chad Johnson is going to find the Qwest field endzone at some point on Sunday.

This season, Chad seems to crafting his touchdown celebrations specific to each game opponent, donning a Future HoF jacket in front of first ballot lock Ray Lewis, and courageously jumping into the famed Cleveland Dawg Pound, I got to thinking about what he should do that's uniquely "Seattle" when he hits pay dirt this weekend.

So here are the Top 10 "Uniquely Seattle" TD Celebration ideas for Chad:

10) Break out a pair of radio-host head phones and yell "Hello Seattle, I'm Listening"
9) Pour three shots of tequila and look around for Jerramy Stevens and K-Rob
8) Get a piggy back ride from an stereotypically dressed homosexual and hold a sign that says "Riding the Fauntleroy Ferry!"
7) Rip off the name on the back of his jersey to reveal "eighty five" written out in in Mandarin Chinese
6) Fire up a Les Paul electric guitar, pluck out a few bars of the acid rock version of the national anthem with his teeth, and then set fire to it
5) Put on a parka, snow shoes and hold up a sign that says "Welcome to South Alaska"
4) Pop open a laptop and hold a sign asking Paul Allen with some help installing Windows Vista (this of course will cause another missed extra point, but the Microsoft Co-Founder would recommend they reboot it!)
3) Run over to a Starbucks barista on the sidelines and order a double-shot non-fat hot mocha latte with extra froth and a scone.
2) Pull out an umbrella and dance Gene Kelly-like as his good friend Pacman Jones tosses hefty bags full of $1 bills into the air, "making it rain"
1) Catch a 30 pound mackerel thrown by the Pikes Market Fish Mongers sitting in the front row


  1. I'd be willing to bet #3 or something close to it.

    Then again, he'll probably find a way to work sleepless in Seattle in. They always do.

    But I'm hoping our new safety tandem doesn't let that happen.

  2. I like the list idea. I think stashing a Venti Latte under the bench would be a do-able stunt for 85. Other themes to work with:
    - Sleepless in Seattle
    - Flannel and Grunge
    - Autumn Equinox
    - Space Needle

  3. Add to the list: "nailing Courtney Love on the sidelines then commiting suicide!"

  4. "Bengals showman and wide receiver Chad Johnson is leading the NFL in receiving yards through two games. He is promising to do something "classic" during Sunday's game and joked that it may involve kissing a cheerleader."

    Egad. If he kisses one of ours, I will be pissed.

  5. One our "ours"? Racist.

    Which reminds me, what ever happened to thebigo?