Monday, June 11, 2007

Tony Soprano Lives!

Everyone else in America is talking (or bitching and moaning) about it this morning, so why should we be any different?

Last night was the final episode of the Sopranos, and depending upon who you talk to, some feel it when out with a whimper (although Phil Leotardo is on record that it went out with a bang!) There are a ton of places on the internet to voice your opinions about the show, and since we're mainly a football blog, we're not going to do that here.

But now that we know North Jersey's favorite sociopath managed to live though the final 64 minutes of the show, and is seemingly out of work (unless they decide to make a movie) let's see if we can focus his talents within the realm of the NFL. If you could hire Tony Soprano and his mob of merry men to talk out anyone within the National Football League, who would it be, and how do you think the hit would go down?

Would you take out Commissioner Richie Cunningham while he's sharing a malted with Lori Beth at Al's?

Would you whack Pacman Jones and his crew as they're "making it rain" during jello-wrestling night at the Ba-Da-Bing?

Would you drop a dime on Tank Johnson and have an epic firefight between the mobsters and the heavily armed defensive lineman?

Or would you just pop a general purpose cap in Tom Brady's ass for shits and grins?

You've gotten clearance from the Capo de Capo, and anyone is fair game. So who you gunna whack?


  1. I think you've made a crucial error in not mentioning the movie True Romance here. The directors cut of the Gandolfini/Arquette scene in that movie is the tits. And she lied and said her husband was a football player, so it ties in nicely.

    Here is a small part of it.

    It's prolly on Youtube, but I can't get to it from here.

  2. It's been quite awhile since I saw True Romance, and only once, so now I'm going to have to rent it from the corner vid store!

    I think I'll go first just so folks know what I was looking for:

    Target: Bill Leavy, SB XL Referee

    Seeing as I'm an unsympathic Seahawsk homer, this should come as no surprise. I would like Tony and his guys to tie Leavy to a chair and make him watch the replay of SB XL.

    Every time he or one of his crew throws a penalty flag, they cut off a finger. Once they're out of fingers, they go to toes.

    When they give Big HasBen the TD, when he was clearly stopped short, they cut off his nuts.

    When they call Hass for an illegal block, they finish the job and put one in his ear.

    OK, who's next?

  3. Am I the only person in the blogoshpere that has NOT seen this show? I don't even know enough about it to make fun.

  4. It's okay, now that you admitted to being Soprano-illiterate, we'll make fun of you!

    You've seen the Godfather, right? Or Good Fellas? Use your imagination!

    And you should go out and rent the first season of the Soprano's immediately. The the first 4 seasons or so it was the best show on none.

  5. Nooowww hhhoooollllddd oooonnn hheeerrrreee.... Better than The Office? It can't be better than The Office.

  6. Maybe I should have said best DRAMA on really can't compare dramas and comedies on the same scale.

    I've always thought the Oscars should have a separate category for Best Comedy, because it's a shame that movies like Animal House, Caddy Shack and Dodgeball never have an ice cube's chance of getting a trophy!

  7. bloof,
    I've never seen the show, either. The subject matter just does not interest me at all.

    I've had to listen to ESPN radio guys rehas "The Sopranos" to a slow, painful death for the past four days, and I'm almost ready to suspect that the show has subconscious visual "crack rocks" that hook viewers. It is not sports, yet it dominated tne discussion on an erstwhile sports radio network for the better part of a week. That alone cements my desire to never watch the show.

  8. At least both Tri-Cities sports talk shows referenced the ESPN Radio fixation on "The Sopranos" and vowed to not repeat the feat. They were refreshing oases in a desert amass with mobster sand.

  9. Yesss... I'm not alone, and I'm not a freak.

    I'm with you - I've never seen a drama take so many men by the cajones.