Thursday, June 07, 2007

What Would You Trade For Daunte Culpepper?

The word is out: Daunte Culpepper is on the trading block. The amusing part of the situation is that he's one of the most overrated veteran quarterbacks the league has ever seen.

Which begs the question: What is Daunte Culpepper worth? In my own amateur estimation, not much. He makes poor reads, poor decisions, and poor margaritas. (Why do you think Stevens went to Tampa instead?)

So, to confirm my specualtion, we're going to play a little game called "What Would You Trade For Daunte?" The scenario is that you are the GM of a National Football League Team. You get called by the Miami Dolphins front office and they ask what you would be willing to give up for Culpepper. What is your answer?

You get to pick the team, and the terms are wide open. Have fun with it. Here are some examples:

  • Detroit Lions: Matt Millen, a large body of water, and a pair of concrete shoes
  • Green Bay Packers: Brett Favre, a lawn mower, and Mike Holmgren's cell phone number
  • Atlanta Falcons: Mike Vick, a box of Club Squared Ungummed, and a copy of Pit Bulls for Dummies
  • St. Louis Rams: 40 tons of Purina Dog Chow and at least as much Budweiser
  • Seattle Seahawks: 4,723 unsold Jerramy Stevens jerseys, signed copy of Shaun Alexander's book, and a Starbucks gift card

I think you get the picture. Your turn.


  1. The NY Giants: Tom Coughlin, Michael Strahan's ex-wife, and the decomposed remains of Jimmy Hoffa

  2. The Ottowa Rough Riders (cuz the Pepp is man you can build a franchise around): Ottowa Senators, a bunch of stinking Frogs, prescription drugs, Grey cup replica, used, 2 cubic metres of clean air.

  3. Hmmm...

    Arizona Cardinals: The whole damn team and a pack of Juicyfruit

  4. Cincinnati Bengals: 3 toothbrushes carved into make-shift shivs, a carton of smokes, the number to Chris Henry's lawyer, and a "get out of jail free" card from Monopoly.

  5. Buffalo Bills: One box of Flutie Flakes, Thurman Thomas' helmet, and a bucket of yellow snow.

  6. Seattle Seahawks: Floyd "Pork Chop" Womack - straight up - no foolin'

  7. Tampa Bay: Our throw-back orange uniforms, Jon Grueden's butt-plug and Chris Simms' spleen, jarred and pickled.

  8. Oakland Raiders: Al Davis' diaper (used), Al Davis' scrotum brace, large order of chili fries

  9. Denver Broncos: Random defensive lineman who used to play for the Cleveland Browns, random 6th-round running back who somehow ran for 1,000 yards last year, random offensive lienman who's small and a dirty, dirty, dirty cheater, and whatever is left of Mike Shanahan's "genius" reputation, since John Elway retired.