Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Video Clip Classic, Vol. 2: Why Carl Lewis Never Came Close to Playing Football

Carl Lewis is as gifted of an athlete as the world has ever seen. Among his accolades:

  • Ten Olympic medals (including nine gold)
  • Ten World Championship medals (including eight gold)
  • 65 consecutive victories in the long jump
  • Named "Sportsman of the Century" by the International Olympic Committee
  • Named "Olympian of the Century" by Sports Illustrated
  • World records coming out his ass.

But this bafflingly awful video kills any good karma for the man. Watch it, dammit. Watch it and wish to die.

At first, you think, "this is gay. Lewis must be gay. Gay, gay, gay."

But that's until you see the travesty in the sauna room. Then you want to gouge your eyes out, throw up, and put a shotgun in your mouth. It's not exactly gay, but it's... I dunno... WTF!?!?!


  1. That gets one GAY star for every halter-topped hottie that is in the video (and whom he totally ignores) plus 5 bonus GAY stars for the fatass old lady in the Mighty Mouse glasses.

    For those scoring at home, that's a near perfect 9 out of 10 GAY stars!

    What the fuck?

    Did his gay French lover say "I'll let you make a music video with women in sports bras, only if you pretend to bang my mother in the Sauna!"

    There's 2:58 of my life I'll never have back. Thanks for that Bloof.

  2. P.S. too bad you couldn't find the video clip of him butchering the national anthem at a baseball game. Why the fuck to these guys need to pretend they can sing? Isn't it enough to run fast and stick your man meat in whatever the hell you feel like?

  3. Did I just see bubbles hit him in the face?

    This is a great find.

    Ok, it was bubbles. Who is the old lady? This is confusing me but I want to make it my MySpace profile song.

  4. Damn, alba, you're right. He DID ignore them. And the old lady could have been a dude for all we know. This is all starting to make sense now.

    @ Moose: If this is a hit in your MySpace, dare I enter? I won't lose my innocence or anything?

  5. Bloof, I really feel like this song was overlooked by America. I thought Eddie Murphy cornered the market with "She likes to party all the time" and "Wazzzup with you" feat. Michael Jackson, but this, this is pure musical gold.

  6. Wow, that deserves a category all it's own...

  7. Wow.

    To his credit, we already have a gay football player. Jeff Garcia.

  8. Is that actually Carl Lewis? It looks like Grace Jones to me.

  9. True story- a buddy of mine worked for a major airlines lost luggage department and when luggage is lost, it has to be opened and inspected per FAA rules. One bag, labled "Frederick Carl Lewis" was opened and inspected. In it were:

    a) Dildos
    b) KY Jelly
    c) Handcuffs

    My buddy stated- uh, Mr. Lewis, your bags are over there...

    I have a sneaking suspicion that Tim Hardaway doesnt roll with KY in his bags.