I'm Bluefoot. Citizen K has the night off.
Citizen K has so genially supplied us with his weekly postgame comestible Citizen K Likes This, I found it unthinkable to let the day pass without attempting my own simulacrum; not as plagiarism, but as a tribute, and to reveal by contrast the quality and aptitude of of his craft.
So pardon me as I try to weave in some pop culture reference (I don't know how yet, but I am going to drop Ned Beatty, Courtney Love, and LeBron James.), well chosen words (this cheeseburger is au fait! Or is it au phait?) and a reasonable fascimile to his third-person style (If I refer to him, it's third person anyway, right?) with the selective abstention of pronouns. Where possible, issues concerning race will be danced with, but never consummated.
Citizen K would be completely creamed over the tally-whacking the Seahawks' defense festooned upon the visiting Brigands from the Grounds of Hardwood Trees. 12 total yards in 21 plays in the first half? You've got to be kidding me!
This was no act of concession from the Brigands. Citizen K would have liked how the defensive front seven completely OWN3D the line of scrimmage, with each player beating their man one-on-one (can you say "squeal like a pig?") and staying in their lanes.
Citizen K would have liked the ascension and rapid maturation of high draft picks. Darryl Tapp (I wonder what manumission would do for him? Tapp is clearly an Irish surname.) was all over the field, making it obvious that he is benefitting greatly from the tutelage of Grant Wistrom. And how often was Kelly Jennings mentioned? When he got burned? No! Only when he beat his man and was clearly the intended receiver on a deep pass narrowly escaping his fingertips, much like the narrow escape that charm and good looks can have in a moderately popular skank. Once again, Tim Ruskell is looking like a friggin' genius.
Citizen K would also have liked the performance of David Green, who placed passes more accurately than Hugh Hefner and managed a 16-play, 90-yard touchdown drive that included him passing for 77 yards. Gibran WHO? Doesn't he play for the Cavs?
Citizen K would NOT have liked: Weaver's ankle sprain; Tom Ashworth's failed attempt to be Big Walt; Burelson dropping passes.
I hope Citizen K likes this...
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