I realize this is off topic, but it's just way, way, too funny not to bring up.From foxsports.com Wed May 11 2005- Minnesota Vikings running back, Onterrio Smith was detained last month at a Minneapolis airport after police found paraphernalia used to cirumvent drug tests. Smith was already a repeat offender in the league's substance abuse program. He was caught with four bags of dried urine (insert jokes here) along with a device called, ''The Original Whizzinator'' (insert jokes here).
click here to see the "Original Whizzinator"
Click here to see the Whizzinator, Jersey of the week and to read the very funny story.
According to the Associated Press, Smith was caught at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport with bags in his luggage that authorities originally thought was cocaine but turned out instead to be dried urine.
With his packets of powder, Smith also had in his possession "The Original Whizzinator", a fake penis and bladder that works in conjunction with a jock strap to help people pass drug tests.
Total cost:
The Whizzinator: $150
Dehydrated Urine: $12
Heat Pad to keep urine at body temperature for up to eight hours: $1
Passing the drug screening: Priceless
A third ''strike'' against the league's policy would result in a possible yearlong suspension for Smith. A release is possible too.
Smith claimed the product belonged to "his cousin" (talk about whizzing on your friend, I bet his cousin is Whizzed off now that he's been thrown under the bus).
The NFL has said that just because Mr. Smith had the product does not mean there is anything they can do to him, they reminded the press that players get randomly tested and that they are part of a collective bargaining agreement, blah blah blah...
This may be the first time I have actually been impressed with airport security, not only did they find this "original Whizzinator", but they recognized that it was "the original".
Just to answer before it's asked, yes, they do come in various colors, white, tan, Latino, brown and black. I don't know about sizes.
Okay, let the jokes begin!
Yes, they do come in different colors, sizes, I just don't know.
ReplyDeleteOh and the picture comes from the "original Whizzinator" web site, somehow don't think they'll mind though, I bet they never got so much good press.
ReplyDeleteDoes this reming anybody of when SI used to (don't know if they still do) post a small article in every issue titled "This Weeks Sign That Apocalypse is Upon Us"?
ReplyDeletePosted by check
I'm glad you see the humor in this check, I am taking alot of heat elsewhere for posting this. I really thought it was funny, guess I need to seek therapy, at least that's what others are saying.
ReplyDeleteBeneath my apparant calm and reasnoning exterior lies a gross and perverse sense of humor. Of course I find this kind of thing funny. I imagine you took heat, since nobody was really expecting to see a phallus when the link was used!
ReplyDeletePosted by check
Football players with un-turgid strap-ons... That's not something you see every day.
ReplyDeletePosted by Bluefoot
I'm sorry guys...but this is not funny...it's freaking HYSTERICAL!!! Who knew that there was something called the Whizzenator?? If he gets kicked out of the league due to this, he should sign a lucrative contract as their primary spokesperson.
ReplyDeleteHi. Do you know me? Not many people do. That's why I carry this...the ORIGINAL Whizzenator. Yes, it's a fake dick and a bladder full or someone else's urine that I need to keep close to my body to keep it warm. But, I NEVER leave the house without my Whizzenator.
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations. If you gotta take only ONE piss test this year, make sure it counts, and DEMAND that you have the ORIGINAL Whizzenator.
I'm not only a client. I'm the model for the African Americal version.
When Drug Tests are part of your Biz...You gotta Take a Whizz...the ORIGINAL Whizzinator that Izz!
Posted by albaNYHawker
Great graphic too!
ReplyDeleteNot only does it help you beat the drug test, but it make up for the shriveled weenie syndrome some guys experience from too much steriod use!
ReplyDeleteMaybe taht's what got Ahman Green all pissed at his wife...he came home early and found her in bed with his Whizzenator!!!
Posted by albaNYHawker
alba, you slay me!!!
ReplyDeleteBTW, the graphic is from their company "the Original Whizzinator". They have the pic on their site, it's just too funny for words I think.
ReplyDeleteI still think it's funny that it's "the original" are there alot more of these things around out there? I sure don't want to buy the knockoff brand!!! LOL!
I also think it's funny that the guys at the airport, recognised it for "the original". I can picture the conversation, "hey man, that's the "original" model isn't it? "Ya but it's for my cousin, I swear!"
OK, rewind the clocks a generation or two...what would Jack Lambert or Dick Butkis do to one of their teammates if they were caught trying to board a plane with what amounts to a dildo, hot water bottle, and vial of someone else's dried urine??!!
ReplyDeletePosted by albaNYHawker
Can you imagine Snoop Dog endorsing thee "Original Whizzer"? LOL! Da Whizzer is da Shnizzle.
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ReplyDelete