Your Help Is Needed

Dear 12 Seahawks Street Contributors:

As you know, the Federal Bureau of Investigation will go to any lengths, as "we always get our man". In this case, we are deputizing you to assist us in our national crackdown on Deadbeat Fathers.

As Seahawks fan, I'm sure you all remember running back Chris Warren, who is one of the most noteworthy deadbeat dads in the Pacific Northwest. But it's not Mr. Warren who we are after. He's safely under constant surveillance as a greeter at the Slippery Rock Wal*Mart in Arkansas.

You can imagine that having a father skip out on his responsibility for his children is a pretty low down act. But something that's even lower is when a parent goes through the certification, investigation and emotional trauma of adopting a child, and THEN has the audacity to turn his back on them. This is something so despicable and cowardly that you wouldn't even expect it from a Rams fan.

This open letter is meant to assist us in tracking down the infamous Bluefoot, Vinny and Monkey, all of whom claimed responsibility for a young and needy Seahawk through the adoption process, only to turn their backs on them when they need love and attention the most.

Bluefoot is known to be the leader of this ring, and there are reports of him fleeing to Canada, the home country of his neglected child. Monkey is the most egregious offender, actually adopting twins, and then turning his back on both siblings to toil in anonymity and fend for themselves for affection. Vinny is wanted for questioning as his adopted Seahawks inexplicably disappeared in mid-summer, only to show up hungover, confused, and looking for work in metropolitan Minneapolis. Bluefoot and Monkey are also wanted by our patent offices for trademark infringement.

If you have any information leading to the apprehension or rehabilitation of these neglectful parents, you are requested to contact the New York FBI Field Office immediately, where our sting operation is being coordinated by civilian volunteer, and model adoptive parent, albaNY Hawker, who was just nominated for Father-of-the-Year by his loving adoptee, Kelly Herndon.

Remember, that each of us needs to be additionally vigilant to stop the spread of deadbeat fathers in our home communities, and any assistance you can provide toward these efforts is not only a matter of national security, it's your patriotic duty.

God bless America!


Robert Mueller
FBI Director