Anyone else see this?

With everything wrapped up, the Street seems a little meandering, I thought this fit right in...

Dateline: Boulder, Colorado


In an unprecedented move, former FEMA head Michael Brown has purchased the rights to Sunday's game between the Houston Texans and the San Francisco 49ers. Brown, who recently started a Disaster Preparedness company, paid the NFL an undisclosed amount of money to showcase his firm's ability to handle disasters like Sunday's game. A source close to the NFL described the amount paid as, "a feakin' #$@!-load."

Given carte-blanc by the NFL, Brown has announced several format changes to Sunday's game to showcase his out-of-box thinking when facing disasters. Here are some of the changes:

• Sunday's kickoff will be Thursday at 5 P.M. The halftime show will be the previous Tuesday.
• Beer sales will stop at the end of the first quarter, but before then, kegs will cost a nickel.
• The second quarter will be played by horses--not the computer generated graphics famous in beer commercials, but real horses wearing football helmets.
• The game will be scored by the metric system: TDs are worth 'G' points, FGs are worth 'hector' points, and safeties are worth 57 points.
• The game will not be televised, but will go straight to betamax as a claymation dramatization.
• The final two-minute warning will be moved to just before the Apocalypse.
• The third quarter will be divided into two 10 minute periods and one 5 minute 3rd quarter overtime--called "Brownie time".
• In case of a tie, the game will be decided by a sudden-death, "Closest to a Ho" cheerleader contest.
• The game loser will get Reggie Bush in a gift wrapped box, literally. The winners will be shot on sight.

When asked about the unprecedented move, a NFL spokesman said:

"The opportunities created by the change with Monday Night
Football made the league realize that it had too look at new ways to expand the sport's reach. When we looked at Mr. Brown's proposals we could see
countless opportunities. Seriously, we're still counting the the
reason, it's a #$@!-load"

When asked how he thought fans would respond to the game changes, Brown responded, "What do you think of my new coat?"